BlogHide Resteemsblueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoStudent Finds Pen After Digging Through Backpack for 15 MinutesMEMPHIS, TN – During Dr. Jennifer Fisher’s lecture on mitochondria, student Candace Anderson decided she needed to find a writing instrument. So right in the middle of the presentation, she decided…blueparrotnews (25)in cryptocurrency • 7 years agoTeen Buys Bitcoin on Coinbase, Now Cryptocurrency ExpertTOLEDO, OH – Yesterday, 17-year-old Ethan Wright purchased 0.002 BTC on Coinbase with his debit card. “I’m predicting it’ll moon” commented Wright. “I might buy a little Ethereum with my Bitcoin…blueparrotnews (25)in fakenews • 7 years agoMan Finally Gets Capri Sun Open Using JackhammerAfter attempting to open his Capri Sun juice pouch with the appended straw for 20 minutes until it bent and broke, Billy Bartle resorted to using an industrial grade demolition jackhammer to break…blueparrotnews (25)in tidepods • 7 years agoDangerous New Trend has Teens Washing Clothes with Mister Salty Handi-SnacksInspired by the Tide Pod Challenge, teens and young adults have been participating in yet another dangerous activity: washing their clothes with Mister Salty Handi-Snacks. This comes with all…blueparrotnews (25)in humor • 7 years agoFruit Salad Remains Untouched at BBQPLANO, TX – Guests at “Burgers by Burglars”, a community service event where local felons serve hamburgers to young children and their families, reported that while the patties, mustard, pop, and…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoWaffle House Open During Nuclear WarNORTH CAROLINA – The 24-hour breakfast food chain Waffle House has decided not to close its doors during the latest nuclear war between Russia and the United States. When asked about the…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoMan Writes Inspiring Facebook Post about Getting off FacebookSILVERLAKE, CA – A man by the name of Alex Clapper has written an awe-inspiring post on his Facebook wall about how people are addicted to the internet and need to focus on the important things in…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoEarth Quarantined from Rest of UniverseMILKY WAY GALAXY – In a unanimous decision among the other planets, Earth will be placed in isolation from the rest of the Solar System. “Earth has had an infestation problem the last…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoBernie Spotted at Library Browsing Craigslist Free SectionBURLINGTON, VT – On a trip to check out The Maple Syrup Museum, Vermontian Mariah Bennington was unexpectedly struck with disbelief when she found her Senator on the library computer, grazing over a…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoOpium Poppy Sad Its Tears Are IllegalGOSTAN VALLEY, AF – Earlier this week, Polly the Opium Poppy was crying sappy tears about how she couldn’t immigrate to America because the opium in her tears are a controlled substance. “I can’t…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoCat Unimpressed With New Dry FoodPORTLAND, OR – On the morning of January 18, 2017, Graham Cracker the cat rose from his slumber and did his usual morning walk to the food bowl. However, this was anything but a normal morning for…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoMath Teacher Unsure What to Do With 57 Plus 14 WatermelonsABBEVILLE, LA – Early Monday morning, 3rd grade math teacher Patrick McCooley loaded up his car with 71 watermelons. “I was writing a word problem for an upcoming test, so I had to buy these to…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoResearch Suggests Brussels Sprouts Still GrossBRUSSELS, BE – New research findings from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven suggest that Brussels Sprouts are still gross. The data also shows an inverse correlation between number of Brussels…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoVeterinarians Desperately Try to Revive Burger at Annual Office BBQOMAHA, NE – In an unexpected and unfortunate turn of events, the veterinarians from Greenwood Vet Clinic were confronted with a very ill patient at their annual BBQ. Lead Veterinarian Sally Canole…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoStudy Finds Happy Meal Toy More Nutritious than Happy MealCAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that the toy included in a McDonald’s Happy Meal is the most nutritionally dense part of the meal. Christopher Tracy, one of the…blueparrotnews (25)in satire • 7 years agoMacbook Pro 2017 to Have Chip Reader as Only InputCUPERTINO, CA – The controversial decision to remove everything useful on the 2016 Macbook Pro has continued with the 2017 update. Leaked documents by an Apple insider appear to show that the next…blueparrotnews (25)in introduceyourself • 7 years agoThis is Blue Parrot News!Hi! Blue Parrot News is a satirical news website kind of like The Onion, except with a parrot. You can find our latest posts here on Steemit, at blueparrotnews.com , or at @blueparrotnews…
