BlogHide Resteemscaspianseaboat (25)in funny • 6 years agoGod Admits Letting Humans Sin So Much He Needed To Kill Them All In A Flood Wasn’t Very Omniscient Of HimHeaven-- The Halfway Post recently called God for an interview. The following has been lightly edited for clarity. THP: So how are things going? GOD: You know, pretty good. I just got into…caspianseaboat (25)in funny • 6 years agoFox News’ Only Advertiser Left Is A Survival Supplement Pill Sean Hannity Owns Half OfNew York City-- Fox News has suffered disastrous boycotts in the media and in marketing, and is reportedly desperate for advertising client leads. The only advertiser left is the maker of…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 6 years agoLocal, Uninsured Republican Is Ecstatic He Got Cancer Because It’s “Owning Liberals So Bad”Originally posted on St. Louis, MO— Local Republican voter Max Malmart was recently diagnosed with skin cancer, and, though he has no health insurance at all, the cancer diagnosis is not…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 6 years agoRepublican Senate Candidate Is So Anti-Gay That Everyone Is Just Assuming He’s A HomosexualJackson, MS— Mississippi Republican candidate for the Senate Paul Donovan has run a campaign with such virulently homophobic public statements that Mississippians across the state agree that…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 6 years agoDonald Trump Says That When He Called Michael Cohen His “Fixer,” He Meant “Coffee Boy”Satire from The Halfway Post: Washington D.C.— Anticipating his personal lawyer’s cooperation with the Robert Mueller’s FBI investigation into Russian collusion, President Donald Trump has…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 6 years agoDonald Trump Really Hopes There Are No Staircases Between Him And North Korean PeaceSingapore— President Donald Trump is doing what no other sitting President has done: meet with the dictator of North Korea. Trump hopes he can strike deal, and Kim Jong-un is ecstatic a President…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 7 years agoDonald Trump Jr. Is Beginning To Think He May Have Overdone It Colluding With So Many CountriesWashington D.C.— According to reports, Donald Trump Jr. is beginning to think he may have, like Icarus, flown too close to the sun in colluding with foreign governments throughout his father’s…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 7 years agoMike Pence Is Reportedly Beginning To Suspect Donald Trump Has Not Been Faithful To MelaniaWashington D.C.— According to sources close to Vice President Mike Pence, the VP is beginning to have doubts about President Donald Trump’s commitment to his wife Melania Trump. “Mike’s been…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 7 years agoGod Admits Humans Aren’t In His Top Ten Favorite CreationsIn a frank conversation with God, the Creator of the universe admitted to The Halfway Post that humans aren’t, biologically speaking, anything special. “I don’t know how humans ever came to the…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 7 years agoFranklin Graham: “Trump’s Affair With Stormy Daniels Doesn’t Count Cause It Was Awesome!”Washington D.C.— Speaking at a prayer breakfast in the White House this morning, Franklin Graham delivered an introductory speech in praise of President Donald Trump’s personal behavior focused on…caspianseaboat (25)in satire • 7 years agoFox News CEO Pledges That If Trump DID Collude With Russia, He’ll Sell Fox To Hillary Clinton For $1New York City, NY— Fox News CEO John Weisse today announced that, because Fox News has bet its reputation and journalistic credibility on the Russiagate controversy currently engulfing the Trump…
