BlogHide Resteemsgoodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoGlossaryGlossary Innings: the amount of time left before afternoon snack, divided by nine.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoExpectationsExpectations It never goes over very well.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoOld GuyOld Guy People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoOld GuyOld Guy "The tip's for carding me," he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoConcernConcern With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoBedsideBedside “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoWrongWrong An ambulance! What do you think?!goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoMaking AmendsMaking Amends “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoFriend’s PregnancyFriend’s Pregnancy One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoKitchen UtensilKitchen Utensil The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at a rummage sale. It’s a pooper-scooper.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoScooby-DooScooby-Doo Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoThe Walking DeadThe Walking Dead Watch The Walking Dead with someone who’s super into it so every time a zombie appears, you can pull the old, “Wait, who’s this, now?”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years ago80s Taught Her80s Taught Her If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoWork EmailsWork Emails Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me. Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoConfusionConfusion My cheeks instantly turned red. “No, I haven’t,” I said. “But I always thought …” The photographer interrupted me: “I meant him.”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoBikini DangersBikini Dangers Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoGrandkids BelongGrandkids Belong There she showed off her newly designed family room, complete with a single-plank, three-hole picture frame featuring her three grandchildren.goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoPicklePickle “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”goodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoBaseball GlossaryBaseball Glossary Line drive: the reason you can’t play shortstop. Innings: the amount of time left before afternoon snack, divided by nine. Marc Philippe Eskenazi, in the New Yorkergoodjokes (45)in funny • 6 years agoLanguage TapesLanguage Tapes During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.
