What is domestic violence?
"A pattern of abusive behavior that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person."
I am not a violent person, and where I was sitting, all I wanted was the help from my mom to get proper attention to the way that we were being treated within the place we were living. Without getting that attention, I was getting upset about the situation that I was having to face - dealing with multiple extremes all at once and knew that this wasn't the way that I wanted to live. I had nowhere to go, and no one to turn to. And, the law only made matters worse.
I was calling around for a lawyer, not getting paid properly by my job working to take care of my mom, and it was neglectful and abusive on behalf of my employer who was not paying me, until I wasn't being paid at all for the work hours that I was putting in. Not to mention this; but at the same time I was also dealing with imminent dangers that were present in the bottom apartment in which I was living. We had mice as if they lived there, water intrusion, backing up sinks, and bugs that would not go away. I ended up going to doctors for lice and other bug issues as I was living there and I felt as though at this time my livelihood was being threatened.
I wrote about it many times over and had gone through it in my mind multiple times as to how I could squash this thing, and I was searching for a lawyer that would take my case, or one of my cases that was happening to me at the same time.
Instead of getting the help that I needed, I was put in police custody for three nights and let out on the terms that I would follow the courts orders, and that was just getting a psychological evaluation done, which I would have completed had my family not thrown me under the bus with telling them things as though I was violent and had issues. I did have issues, but most of my issues were caused by being neglected by people that I needed while living this way. I had no choice but to be placed on a 72 hour hold in a mental hospital that didn't take any of my concerns seriously. In other words, I was making the whole thing up for attention, which would have been abusive. But, the fact is, I wasn't. I was really living in horrifying situations and thought that someone in the system would care enough to help me settle the issues that I was having. And, I didn't think that it'd take this long, or that I'd still be dealing with the system in a fashion that I am. Instead of helping me... they hurt me. Instead of listening to me, they made me out to be the criminal in the situation and the instigator.
I not have to go through a class for the courts in Men's Domestic Abuse Programming, but wouldn't that be the people that were doing me wrong who were abusive?
The physical assault on my mom and I was the fact that there was mice, even running over our heads in the middle of the night. I mean, that's how bad it was. So, when the apartment management isn't doing anything about it - wouldn't that mean that they were physically harming our well-being?
Not to mention the emotional trauma of having to deal with all the issues as they arose. The water intrusion was damaging our things, and having to take your free time to clean up these messes was a result of the lack of care within the management of that place. We brought it to their attention numerous times and as a result, nothing happened but me getting into trouble. The management was well protected, and if you asked me they knew what they were doing. The emotions that I felt in that place was nothing short from rage. Rage from not being able to sleep at night, and having two jobs to try make rent, it was impossible to continue working the way I was.
I was working nights sometimes in the middle of winter as a snow shoveler puking around the corners just to try make what money I could to survive. I was knowing it was from the stress and not being able to sleep right or eat right, I was getting sicker and sicker, and no one notices - because I was afraid to face the situation that I was being handed. I just knew that I wanted it to get dealt with so I immediately started calling lawyers looking for help. While the one job wasn't paying me, I was going out and doing snow removal to try make up for the money lost, and in the end - it didn't make up enough money. I was traumatized, and so was my mom. She was getting older, and had diabetes and other health concerns that needed a Personal Care Attendant for, and I was that person. I was doing my best to try take care of her, work nights and days either doing snow removal or lawn care, and when I got back and had to take care of her, I would be going to grocery stores and getting things done around the house that needed to get done, and as night came, and sometimes during the day - there would be an infestation of mites and bugs and rodents to deal with... I was a most unhappy person.
And, I know - no one in my situation would have been able to pull this off without having a mental breakdown which was on the way. All I knew is that I wanted help and couldn't find any. After calling 50+ lawyers, and still couldn't find any help, I was slowly giving up and feeling blistered of heart to even try anymore - but I wasn't the type of person that would give up or just let this thing roll over. I wanted it dealt with.
I wasn't only being economically enslaved by my job not paying me, but also the management there wanting their money for a place that was uninhabitable. My mom and I's place of stay ended as she wanted to call the cops on me and telling me that I'm being abusive, right after making a call stating that we are both being economically abused by the management here and being drained of resources to get help - I was at a loss. Days later, I was the target of being the abusive person, and I was not being listened to. I was thrown under the bus by family and I thought that I had people that cared about me enough to listen to what was truthfully going on, and not just make up stories because they were afraid of what was going on. I was hurt. I was very hurt.
I remember I sat in my bed and laid there feeling hopeless at times to think of how I could get this story heard. I wasn't even being heard by my own family. How was I going to be able to fight this thing? And, now instead of these people going down for building not being up to code, and my being unpaid wages in the tune of $3000 and losing my car and sanity, I just didn't think it was right for the system to turn around and make me out to be the abusive party. Even my mom says they used a sick woman (meaning her) to get to me, and that the whole thing is working in the favor of the real criminals. So, why wasn't that enough to drop charges against me? The victim they claim to make the victim isn't even saying that she is one. Yet, the system knows best, right? They know everything that you don't and know how to secretly keep everything swiftly kicked under the rug.
Next was dealing with threats from the management that tell me that I can't go on the property to visit with friends because we broke the lease. But, we didn't break the lease. We simply got a letter stating that it was okay to leave when we did, and we had it signed by the management. But either way, I'm sick of not being heard. I'm sick of not having any justice in my life while all these other players are left untouched by the system.
Does anyone have any advice for me as to what I should do? I mean, just the fact that court ordered me to go to domestic abuse program classes is beyond me. I'm not an abusive person... I was doing everything in my power to not be obtrusive in the justice system, or at home - I was just trying to get help for the ways that I was being dealt with. It was as though these people could get away with murder if they wanted to. It was as if these people could do no wrong, and that I was getting the blame for it all. This isn't right. This still isn't right. This is still bothering me, and I don't know what to do about it. Domestic Abuse Classes are going to cost me upwards of $800 and takes away time that I could be working. How is that right for a system to take away money from you, while telling you there are certain jobs that you can't have, and takes away the time that you could be making the money for yourself, and not for a system. I feel like a damn slave.