If You Jorney Is Stopped By A Big Wall Just Throw Your Hat Over The Wall

It was 2002 and I had just moved to Shanghai from Sweden with my family. At this time I felt just like the person in this painting; the reason why I know I felt like this person is because it's a portrait I made of myself in art class in the international school I was attending at the time.
Moving to China at the age of 16 was something I originally was very excited about, it was a chance for me to leave a small town of only 50 000 people to explore the world and see new things. My siblings on the other hand were crying because they had to leave their life with their friends and security. So it should seem that I had the right attitude to adapt the fastest when arriving to Shanghai. The problem was that it did not turn out at all like I expected.
In Sweden I had built up a big group of friends and I had daily routines were I felt very happy. More important my friends and my routines had helped me break out of my shell. The fact is I have always had a huge problem with anxiety, It had always followed me no matter where I went in life.
It turned out the anxiety didn't leave back in Sweden, instead it had arisen from the shadows and i still remember the horrible first weeks when I started attending Shanghai International School. My anxiety is some form of social anxiety, and while I can be super social with people I know it is completely a different story the first time I meet someone.
So anyways, the first two weeks in school I knew no one, and I was the only one I could see that walked alone during breaks and ate by myself at lunch. It was one of the biggest lows in my life. I only slept a few hours each night which made me even weaker the next day - I was caught in a negative downwards spiral, I had reached rock bottom.
The only good thing about reaching rock bottom is that you soon realize that now you can only go one direction - up up up ! Well that sounds easy in theory, but real life is no fairy tale, you have to write your own story, realizing that the only one that can help us in this situation like this is the scariest thing ever, but if we accept it we can realize our own potential and that we can do whatever we want.
The moment things changed for me was when I had a talk with my dad about my problem, I said I am stuck between two walls moving towards each other, one wall representing the idea to go back to Sweden, because I didn't want to go back as a failure, and another wall representing my chance to actually integrate and create a good life in Shanghai. I hoped my dad, like he usually does, would tell me everything will be good and everything will work out, but not this time. He told me, throw your hat over the wall ! If you do that you already committed, and there is always a way over the wall as long as you are determined. He really gave me that extra push that made me go for it, I had to integrate and change my life in Shanghai.
It was actually in art class that I started getting traction and not long after i made this painting. I started finding the confidence to open up and it was not long till I started to connect with some people, and in a very short time, my nightmare changed and I realized strength in me that I didn't knew I had and this strength will always follow me no matter where I go. So when you are in doubt, but you want something, commit to it, don't just think about it ACT and throw you hat over the wall!