Excerpt: following the discussion about consciousness and weight, here is a real example that demonstrates how physical changes may affect our spouse's reaction to us. Of course, our spouse's reactions are merely the external manifestation of our own doubts. Which doubts? That we are worthy, loved. Our partners are our mirror and therefore it is pointless to blame them or go to counseling in order to fix them. The healing is within us.

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Hi,

I have had a boyfriend for three years now.

As in every beginning everything was perfect. A year ago the spark between us disappeared after a long time of neglecting our relationship. Because of the situation, I put on lots of weight, 10 kg, and my partner said he was not attracted to me anymore. We have not had sex for over a year!

We are best friends and run a successful business together so we don’t want to separate. I had recommended counseling but he rejected that and didn’t cooperate. What can we do? How can we solve the problems?

Gila

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Dear Gila,

Excess of weight is very often a symbol for thoughts of doubts or fear-emotions that have been repressed for a long time. Is there something you are afraid to do or say? Are you living spontaneously, honoring the call from your soul? Do you follow your passion, your drives, and your dreams? Most often frustration in life is accumulated as extra pounds/kilos. (Nevertheless, there are definitely other reasons for an excess of weight and I addressed them in this post).

Fortunately, or not, exercising or a diet alone would not be a remedy in the long run. It may improve your feelings about yourself or your general mood but it would not release you from the endless struggle with your weight. You would have to pay a high price to stay balanced; you would not be able to eat whatever you like, you would have to apply strict self-discipline and generally, your life would become a harsh and dualistic fight between your mind and your body.

The good news is that once you understand that the extra weight is a signal from the body that an inner balance was lost, and you attend to that, you will soon enough regain your natural weight and lose those extra pounds. The greater benefit is that the new inner harmony is felt and seen in all areas of your life, including your relationship.

Therefore, don’t be bothered by the fact that your spouse doesn’t want to go to counseling. You can do the change alone. He may be wise enough to know that you two together can solve your own problems – and you certainly can – without external interference. Begin by honoring his wish and look for the blockages that you have placed in your life.

Your body speaks to you all the time. It is NOT your enemy that has betrayed you. If you don’t look at your extra weight as a burden and instead start seeing it as a gift from your body to you, then you will release the mental blockage around it and begin the healing.

Healing, and I want to make it very clear, is not to lose weight in order to look more attractive to your spouse (or other people, for that matter). You are loved no matter how much you weigh! It is the doubt that you have right now that clouds this knowing. Healing, therefore, is regaining the trust within yourself and reconnect with the source that loves you and nourishes you all the time, yes, even when you don't feel it.

It is written in religious scriptures - Love your neighbor as yourself. And I wish that more people would love themselves at least as they love their neighbors.

Start there, Gila.

Good luck!

Have you already shared with me what does enlightenment mean to you?