Homeless in time.

The twilight years, supposedly all serenity and calm, private, surrounded by trees with my ole dog, and worn out knees. I count my blessings every single day.

I have to admit that I have aged at least ten years over just the past three. I can see all the veins in my hands now, and my legs are skinny as vines, with all the veins and any bumps showing like ugly red unfriendly strawberries, even as they don't hurt physically, and only to the heart and soul of me. It is difficult sometimes to see. I thought years ago that I would live fast and die young, with a good looking corpse?

I allowed myself to become so angry, consumed with anger, at so many who have allowed themselves to fall for the globalist road show, really culminating with the globalist flu extravaganza, that I have ended up pretty much by myself.

Funny thing about this current predicament, the attempt to just calm my anger, is that I've had lots of time to examine my own life -- well, I've always been prone to that and it's always been a confusing endeavour. I still haven't figured most of it out, at least not in this realm of existence.

But the circumstance of being pretty much alone today, definitely ties in with past intents that have evolved, so I guess I had to admit, I also, to some extent, created this current reality. So, been questioning myself, why?

Introspection brings up lots of stuff, and goes way back in ones time here. Some believe we should just forget the past and move on. I tried that myself, sure made sense, but it didn't work for me because my past was just a part of me; if I forgot it, I was throwing away me.

I feel personally inside a crossroads right now, no, not in a bad way, but I came to a standstill in my life a few years ago. And as I examined my own life, which was not what one would call traditional in most ways, I remembered the people I hurt and hurt me, the people I pretended and lied to, the people I loved but was afraid to, and most of all, I have remembered what an ignorant human I was, and still be.

And I allowed myself some time to cry, for them and for me.