Diary of an Ulcer Patient suffering Hernia

So I entered this bus going to school and as I sat I saw a man eating pineapple and i instantly craved to have some. I liked the scent I was almost salivating and my tongue was turned on but as I looked away I started remembering the doctor visit the drugs the omeprazole started oozing out my nose and the headaches and the pain reminded me that I should not dare.
It reminded me of the cadula inserted in my veins as I lay there still looking at the ceiling remembering how I used to eat these things without no inclination of the good health I had and with no respect for my health.
I stared at the man in the eyes and watched his mouth move, I got angry at myself for letting this ulcer into myself. More over I got angry at Satan for letting ailments like this get to us mankind.
I stared far from the bus and saw another man again eating pineapple at this instant I pinched myself and told myself don't let them get to you. When you get to school you will eat bole. I promised myself staring at the picture I collected from Jewels Facebook Account.
As this happened I felt a pain I have been used to for 3 years now. It was below my groin, some doctors suspected that its was an inguinal hernia but I have seen the bulge only a few times but the pain is almost constant and I know how used to I am with it. From parents and some friends telling me it's spiritual as a normal African loving folks would do. I remember telling my parents that I wanted to do a herniagrappy and how they freaked out telling me "my son won't ever be operated" to me crying many nights asking God why?.. When I sleep that's when I miss myself before all these but today I have classes and I have a life to live. Haven't had a serious relationship for years. I can't have sex. I can't stop telling them how I felt. how my scrotum has been on fire and how much uncomfortable I have been used to being. Once looked at the blade and my wrist but am not a coward.
I wish these many ultrasound scan can see this hernia and set me free.
As I try to wear my dark glasses in the bus well so the tear drop doesn't show on my cheek using my hand to clean it. I remember how my parents said they don't have money to give me for any operation and how hopeless I felt.
But guess this is my own cross.
Diary of an ulcer patient and a hernia sufferer.