Dreams and hunches.

Good morning Surya, your warmth broke through my bedroom, for some reason my eyes are still reluctant to open, I'm still absorbed in my vague dream.

My alarm went off to show it was 7:00 AM, fortunately I was on holiday. Unconsciously my hand tried to sweep my eyes, I felt a tear come out, I still do not believe and asked myself "Ah ... is it so I cry?".

I tried to remember my dream again, the memory slowly began to open, I began to remember it. I remember why I put tears in my eyes.

After work, I told him about all the complaints, my annoyance whether it was about work, life problems, or anything to a man called Nawaf. Though for many years the distance between us, he is the only friend who care with me. I told him all the time, he was often annoyed with my childish attitude, and I was annoyed with his sometimes cold, often obscure, high-order thinking that I could understand the meaning of words coming out of his mouth.

Nawaf is like my own brother, he often advises me on many things from love, differences in thinking, personality and character. Nawaf is a man who is mature, established, firm, wise, clever in the affairs of religion, He never tired of advising me through SMS or chat. I do not know why lately I'm getting really excited about bothering him with a chat ... maybe because of the comfort, I do not realize if I start falling in love with him.

As I began to realize my feelings, I felt Nawaf began to try to get away from me. We used to be one boardinghouse, when the company I work there is a job there. Since I moved out of town, Nawaf turned out to leave Kos, he chose to work and also study at Pondok Hafidz Qur'an. Somehow manage time to memorize and work.

His passion for religious studies is enormous, especially since he is a well-established male figure. The entire citizens of the cottage are very fond of him, because his smiling, loving, child-friendly, and caring with his friends in the less fortunate hut.

Nawaf took his tabunggan money and bought the cattle for his friends in a non-working hut. He does not care about the Capital he spends, the most important for him is the benefits that can be felt by people around him.

Pak Kyai had occasionally introduced his nephews to Nawaf, in the hope that someone could appeal to Nawaf. In order to establish closer ties between Nawaf and Pesantren families.

Some nephews Pak Kyai fell in love with the figure of Nawaf, they whispered to each other "He is Nawaf, who became our tarawih prayer priest tonight, his voice is really melodious". They are fascinated with her figure. When they communicate with Nawaf and want to know much about it, Nawaf tells Mr Kyai's niece nephew in his unique way, he says if he has been arranged by his mother.

What is a Nawaf looking for? Nawaf is still trying to heal his heart from the taunts of one of the family, when Nawaf was still in boardinghouse, Dad introduced him with a girl named Anida.

Anida is a cousin of Mr. Kos whose age is with me and also Nawaf. In the past, before I stayed in the boarding house and knew the figure of Nawaf, there was a story about Nawaf, Nawaf wanted to convert Anida, but was disagreed by Anida's brother, who was the reason behind it, Nawaf's education was still under Anida, Anida a Sarjana, while Nawaf, Employees of one of the famous SOEs in Indonesia are only certified SMK. Incidentally, Anida's brother knew Nawaf, he was a company with Nawaf, but Anida's sister was accepted in the company with Bachelor's status, and in fact there was a salary difference between vocational graduates and also Bachelors.

Nawaf often tells Mom's mother, pouring out her heart about Anida. But Mother kos often tells Nawaf story to me. Who am I? why told me? when I did not care about Nawaf at all.

According to Nawaf, there are many similarities between Me and Anida. Date of birth, month, and year where Anida was born exactly to me. Anida's face, it's almost like me. I often see Nawaf throwing his eyes at me, my own smiles as I begin to look at him with a cynical look.

Nawaf often helps me in various matters, He always tries to help when I'm having trouble. Nawaf never touched the opposite sex, even just riding a motorcycle, he did not want to.

That night I dreamed, I was riding a motorcycle by someone, and he was Nawaf. In my heart I asked "why? is not he never even bundled with a non mahram? ".

He asked me to stop somewhere like a boarding school located in a mountainous area. He was wearing a white dress, he walked eastward and I tried to chase him, I yelled for him, my footsteps unable to pursue his footsteps.

I was sad and crying, "he who took me to this place, but he just left me here, how can I get home?" He began to disappear among sholeha women with colorful robes with soft colors.

After I decided to turn around, he appeared among the sholeha women, and smiled, he held out his hand to me, at that moment I immediately woke up from my dream.

A month later, fittingly dated where I dreamed of meeting him, I got word that he had an accident, Nawaf died at the scene.

My body feels like a limp without power, tears out, and crying out loud, I still do not believe it.
then I went to the hospital to see it first and last time after 3 years I went from Kos and moved out of town. I saw his body still intact, and that is the promise of Allah to Hafidz Qur'an.

I got a lot of hunches before his departure, but I always ignore it. There is a feeling of happiness, anger, annoyance with his words in chat. I really hate him, but in fact I'm so happy because he's always there when I need his advice, I often spill all the emotions to him, even though he's not the wrong one, but he still cares about me, even though I often scold him.

Congratulations Jalan Nawaf, even my feelings are only my own who keeps it, never tell anyone to the gods on the third night, I hope that you can become my imam, but fate say another. Maybe I was wrong once, because I felt I was the image of Anida, that's what scared me so much, I'm afraid because I still can not think of adults like you and Anida.

Even though you used to try to express your heart in chat and claimed to be someone else who used your account, my gut tells you that, from every word written, exactly like you, forgive me who ever reject you, forgive me who often ignore you, scold you.

May you rest in His heaven because of your good deeds. And this feeling I will keep forever in my heart.