Going to Dusk..

The evening sun looks so orange on the western horizon, beautiful. The sound of the roar of the waves increasingly heard, as if to be my dama singing at dusk this time. I'm still stunned, waiting for my unending man. He said I should wait for him here, off this beach, on this white sand. At twilight like this he will meet me. As he said I had to keep waiting until he came back. This twilight is my fifth twilight, I'm still faithful waiting for my man until now. Until dusk today, he has not come yet. He has not kept his promise to see me again. I do not know what's in my brain, I'm still patiently in this place to just wait for dusk until you come back.

"Elsa let's go back to the hotel." A tap on my shoulder interrupted my fantasy with my man and dusk.
"Just ahead, I'll catch up later," I replied without turning, as if the beach in front of me was more interesting than the face of the man who spoke to me.
"Okay, do not get too late. I'm scared of you later .. "
"Stop it!" I snapped as I turned to look angrily at my interlocutor.
"Sorry, I'm just worried."
Reluctantly replied, I turned my body back to look at the beach off.
"Yes I already first yes," he said while stroking my head casually.

Not budging, as if I never talk to anyone this evening. Again I looked at the waves getting bigger, back in my evening routine, back in fantasy to meet my man. All my friends told me that my man would never come back, he just gave me empty hope. Janru was one of them, the man who had just spoken to me always insisted that my man would never come again. I do not know why he said that, I know he keeps feeling for me for a long time, but I can not reply and never will. Until he always says that my man will never come back, until I'm saturated hearing it. And I decided never to bother him again.

Twilight 2 years ago, the day I felt the world was not fair. The day my man went and still has not come back yet. The day he made his promise to see me again, off this beach, at dusk like this. I believe he will come somehow when, I believe he's a typical promising male. I trust him, just as I believe he loves me. Until very late I'm still stunned by this beach, a beach that has been my week visit every day. My cell phone ringing made me want to get out of here, but my heart is still reluctant to stay away. I miss you, mas.

"Sa, already eat?" Sofi asked as he saw me in the doorway of my hotel room.
I just shook my head weakly.
"Yes we're down to eat, or want me pesenin aja?" He offered.
Again I just shook my head, lying my tiny body on the bed.
"Do not kayak gini continue dong, Sa. We are all worried about your health, "said Sofi began to advise me.
"You can wait Zafran every day, every afternoon, but you also have to take care of your health. Later if you are sad who is sad? Zafran also right? "He continued.

"I miss Zafran, udan 2 years I'm waiting for him. I really miss Zafran. "My shoulders tremble, Sofi must know that I'm crying now.
"Is it true that Zafran will never return? Then what did he mean to tell me to wait until he came back, if in fact he will never come back? "I broke into tears, Sofi pulled me into his arms.
"Patience Sa, if he's your soul mate he'll come back. Perhaps God again prepared the right time for you to meet again Zafran. You are patient, honey same Zafran right? Must be the spirit dong, the strong yes! "Sofi's hand is now stroked my long hair, trying to calm me.
"I'm sure he'll be back," I said for sure. Yes, until now I cried for the umpteenth time, I still believe that Zafran will return.

After Zafran's death, my days are dark. All gray, my night no longer starred like when with him. My dad is not as cool as I was with Zafran. I like being lazy to be here without him, if I can say then, I'll never want you to leave. If I can I want to come with you, anywhere and only with you. Now I can only see you from my phone screen, only able to hear your beautiful voice and laughter from the videos we often make first.

"I'll be back, Sa. Wait for me on this beach, at dusk like this. I'll be back for you. I love you, Sa. "Zafran said while holding me tight.
"Do you promise to come back here? Why do you want to go? I'm afraid you will not come back, Mas. "As she let go of her arms, my eyes were as hot as unable to hold back the sadness. Zafran looks at me, his palms cupped into my face.
"You believe me? I do not have much time, Sa. I must leave immediately. "He said with regret, occasionally he landed a mild kiss on my forehead and eyes. My tears can no longer hold, all out as time passes by Zafran's departure. I wept bitterly, Zafran hugged me again, his hand gently stroking my long hair that took part shabby.

"Wait for me here, remember. Offshore, I'm definitely back here for you. Do not be sad again. "Zafran took off his arms, as if he was about to leave. I can not let go of the man I love so much. My tears grew, as I sobbed at Zafran's wrist. Trying to hold it, hoping time is running slow. "I have to go, Sa." she said, taking off my hand.
"Goodbye." Zafran's last waving spontaneously made me spontaneously scream.
"Do not leave, Mas!" I shouted but no answer, Zafran has left me. I am alone.

Sweat rushing through my body, I had another nightmare. Zafran's dreams went away again, when he had not yet returned. My tears drip, swift and increasingly profusely. I open my phone, Looks memories of me and Zafran there. Zafran looked so happy and I was the opposite. Looks like he's a man of responsibility, I always feel protected every time I'm around him. "When are we like this again, Mas?" I asked while wiping the photo Zafran behind the phone screen.

This is my sixth night, I only take one week off work. That means tomorrow is my last day here, where Zafran is gone. I do not know when I'll be back, though not on this beach I'm always waiting for him. Wherever I am, I always look forward to seeing you again. Dissolves in daydreams, until my eyes see a point so interesting to look at. It appears that an adult male is playing with a little girl, their intimacy that makes me want to watch more closely every scene they do. The little girl looked very happy, as the grown man swung into the air. I like to have seen the figure of a man so much fun. Ah, Zafran, that man looks a lot like him. Indeed, as it sounds, the man also had a dazzling glance like Zafran's.

Unconsciously my feet stepped closer to the little girl and the grown man. The closer, my lips are smiling sincerely at their happiness. Like hypnotized, I laughed as the little girl burst out laughing at the joke the adult man was making. They turned in unison, confused. As if aware, I immediately put on my silly look. Scratching my scalp that does not itch, I laugh and say what I mean when I overhear them joking. The man smiled sincerely, and the little girl pulled my arm at once.

"Brother come with us, is not it?" He said sweetly, not removing my hand.
"Uh no, I .. that .. want .." I replied stammered, as if could not refuse the invitation of the little girl.
"It's okay Brother we play aja, yuk!" Still keep pulling my hand, as if to force me to play with it.
"Alea, do not be so Dek. This sister may have other business, so can not play with us now, "said the man was trying to persuade the now sulking Alea asked to play with me.
"But, but I want to play with this sister." Alea crouched while tugging at my shirt.
"I'm sorry I can not get you to play now, maybe tomorrow we can play together here, huh?" My tawark crouching towards Alea.

"Tommorow? Brother promised to play with us tomorrow, remember it's Kak Wira. "Alea sumbringah replied as he trotted to the man, asked to be picked up.
"Yes dear, what is your name? Oh Alea, huh? "I asked, gently stroking Alea's tiny cheek.
"Forgive Alea's attitude, Ma'am. It's like this kind of name is also a child. Oh yes the name of Mbak who? "So asked the grown man while applying forgiveness for Alea attitude to me
"Ah not okay, I like children. Moreover a beautiful girl like Alea. My name is Elsa. "I replied, laughing at Alea who was now ruffling the white sand he was stepping on. "Oh yes I still have affairs, then tomorrow we meet here again yes, Alea?" I asked Alea,
Alea nodded. "See you tomorrow." So greet the grown man, smiling broadly at me. Very handsome, I thought.

After I left Alea and her adult man, I drifted back into my fantasy dreaming that Zafran was still here with me. Suddenly the adult man appeared in my imagination. How come? I just remember, their eyes are exactly the same. I could hardly tell the difference, I felt that the one staring at me was Zafran. That beautiful gaze belonged to Zafran, a sheltered eye. How could I find such a beautiful second eye as Zafran's? Ah probably all this happened because I missed Zafran so much.



This twilight feels different, there is warmth in every gust of wind that strikes me. The singing of the waves this time is more beautiful, and the sun is perfectly orange. I remember, before you left I've felt this very warm twilight. We play water together at dusk, make our promise of attachment on a paper and put in a bottle. Send a letter to the god Neptune, so you say. I want to repeat it again, this time alone. I want to tell Neptune if I miss my man so much. The man who used to send letters to the God of the Sea. I took a piece of paper from my handbag, and started writing.

Hi Neptune, I've previously written for you. 2 years ago, I wrote for you with my man, wrote our promise of togetherness. He said that we will always be together, he said that he will continue to be here with me. It turns out he left me alone here at dusk, and says that he will come back to me again at dusk too. Neptune, I lost him so much. I really miss him, his absence of torturing me here alone. I'm the only one lamenting his departure, I do not even know when he'll keep his promise to come back. "

"Until I'm tired I'm still waiting for him here, I'm still waiting for him to come back and come back real for me. Neptune, thank you for your beautiful sea. Your sea really keeps the sweet memories of us. Your waves have long been my dawn singing every evening. May he come back soon with me, may God hear me, may the time bring us together again. See you again, in my story that may be happier. If my man is back, I promise to write again for you. From, Elsa Alexandra. "

As if I had prepared, someone gave me a bottle. As soon as I look up I am surprised to know who that someone is. "I guess you need this?" Asked the grown man who was with me and his little girl, Alea.
"Oh sorry I did not mean .." his words stopped, nervous at the sight of my visible expression between confused and dislike. I smiled, picked up the bottle he offered.

"Thank you." I said as I stuffed the paper I had rolled into the bottle.
"To the sea?" He asked as he followed me up to the water.
"For Neptune,"
"Oh yes, we have not acquaintances. My name is Wira, "he said as he reached out to me.
I shook his hand and smiled. "Elsa." I replied still smiling.

There was a sense of warmth when I shook his hand, this man is very similar to Zafran. Not like her face, but I feel that Zafran is in this man's body. We talked for a while, I felt protected when I was with Wira as I was with Zafran. All is still about Zafran. The day is getting dark, Wira offers services to take me to the hotel. I do not reject, maybe I can be a friend to talk or just bind my appointment to meet again. Apparently Wira fun, he was able to make me forget the routine of my everyday.

"Thank you Wira." I said as soon as we reached the hotel lobby.
"It's okay," she replied, smiling broadly at me who also smiled at her.
I turned, hurried into the elevator until Wira's hand stopped my legs that were about to move.
"Do not forget, tomorrow you have an appointment with me and Alea," he said without letting go of my hand.
My eyes are round, my cheeks flushed red. Slowly I shyly pull my hand out of his grasp.
"Oh sorry." Wira said as much as she was deceived with me.
"Do not forget yes, bye Elsa!" He continued, waving at me who was standing still statues. A warm feeling ran through my whole body.

My eyes are hot, getting hotter as the tear-jerking tails force out. Instantly my phone fell in unison with my body falling to the floor. I cried all the while, kept crying and struggling. "No, this is not possible." I shouted for the umpteenth time. Sofi hugged me tightly and went crying, I kept on fighting nonstop. Hope all this is just a dream. Zafran, I just found out Zafran was in an accident two weeks ago when he was about to catch me up here. And his life can not be saved. I'm pissed, furious. Why did I just know now, why did the Zafran family and my family cover all this from me? I can not believe it.

"You must be sincere, Zafran, Sa." Sofi said as he hugged me and occasionally wiped the tears that fell to my cheeks.
I'm still crying, I'm mad at myself right now. How could I not know all this.
"Elsa must be sincere yes, must be strong and steadfast. There are still many who love the same Elsa, we love you really, Sa. "Janru replies who spoke up.
"Move Sa, okay!" He continued, holding me up.
I was very weak, my eyes blurred and all of them turned white.

My last day is here, and I can confirm this is the last time I'm here. With the twilight I bemoaned your absence for the last time, I promised myself that after this I will completely forget you. This beach is a silent witness to my struggle waiting for you. My heart is still sliced, unable to accept the destiny of God. It turns out the universe does not want us together. May God bring us together in an eternal place later. I'm always waiting when we'll be together again. I will miss you, my Zafran. Hopefully time goes slow, I still want to enjoy my last peace this evening. The first evening I let you go. The roar of the waves as though melodious sounded my ears, tears dripping again. This is my last cry for you, may God put you in the most beautiful place there. Wait for me until the time comes, I'll catch you there. And we will be together again. A scrap of paper out of my bag, I'll write my last letter to Neptune.

"Hi Neptune, I told you earlier that I will write again for you. I have never felt this peace in the twilight, this time my heart was calm because I had let my man go. It is true, the most painful parting is to part with death. No matter how much I miss her, she will never return to the world. I can only mourn the fate of God, but now I am sincere. Neptune, let your sea be a silent witness how I fought for a meeting with my man again, until today I will go. Started my new world without him, trying to forget all the memories of being with him. How I was hit when I knew he was gone, I was angry with myself. At that time I hate everything, I hate the universe that always separates us. "

"Neptune, this is my last letter to you. Like this place and your ocean, this will be the last time I wait for dusk here. Along with this beach, I drifted all my desires and longing for her. Good-bye my Zafran, happy to begin your new eternal world. May God love you and put you by His side. Wait for me there, wait for me like I am always waiting for you. Forever this sense will remain for you, deep down in my heart how much I love you so much. Our world is different, and I will always pray for you from here. Good bye honey. I'm gonna miss you. From, Elsa Alexandra. "

A heavy hand thrusting a red maroon handkerchief to me, I turned and looked at the handkerchief as he moved. "Wipe your tears, beautiful girls can not cry." Wira said smiling while helping me wipe the remnants of my tears. I smiled, moved. It was God's surprise to me.
"Oh yes we have an appointment Alea, yuk!" He invited as he pulled my hand.
I obeyed, I let the heavy hand hold my fingers. Goodbye Zafran, I will start my new life.

Finished...........