In a photo hanging on the wall, I see Doni's face. Handsome and mysterious. In the brown framed photo, I do not see a smile on Doni's face. A flat facial expression with a pair of piercing eyes makes a scene in the photograph.
Of all the photos that show Doni's face, somehow the photo is the most I like. In the photo Doni wore a long-sleeved white shirt combined with black material pants. Her sleeves rolled almost to her elbows. Both hands are inserted into a pants pocket increasingly add masculine charms it has.
I found the photo in the warehouse. When I found the situation really apprehensive. Shabby, dirty, so as not to reveal the object of the photo because of the dust that is very thick. The dust even made me cough until it was hard to breathe. But then I took the photo and cleaned it up. With a cloth and a glass cleaner I began to clean up the photo.

Not long afterward, there was a figure in the photograph. A long-lost figure. The one I missed so much for the clarity of my thinking began to be covered in fog. Because of him, until this moment I have not taken off my bachelor life. Because of him, many men are heartbroken due to rejection from me. Because I always believed that he would come back to me and explain the reason for his departure five years ago.
I'm always mad at myself. Angry that I did not know what mistake I made until he left without saying goodbye to me. His sudden departure made me forget things. Forgotten to the world around, to the family, even forgetting how precious I am. Because of his departure I began to lose sensitivity. I was never sensitive to the man who showed his affection to me. Never glance at them even never care about their existence. All because I still love Doni.
Five years have passed since Doni left me in a question mark. But I have not been able to forget how I love her. I can even remember her masculine scent. Her charming smile is so still in my memory that it almost drives me crazy. How can I forget it while the image of him continues to haunt me every night. Not infrequently I have to stay up all night just to remember him. Remembered all the pertinent things about him, from how I was crazy about him, until our relationship started to crack.
I knew Doni at the beginning of exploring the world of college. At that time I was still a new student status confused looking for lecture hall. One by one the lecture hall I searched but I did not find my friends. Suddenly, my eyes fixed on the tall figure leaning against the wall. From her appearance I can assume that she is a senior. With a slow pace and a slight hesitation, I approached him.
"Excuse me, sister. Lecture hall where are you? "I asked in a low voice.
He did not answer immediately. He just looked at me from foot to head and then asked, "New kid huh?"
"Yes, sister." I said.
"Tuh." He said, pointing to the space in front of him.
I look at the contents of the room. Blank. I had thought he was joking but he was right because on the doorframe was clearly written 'Room 102'. I looked back at him. But he just quietly then pulled my hand.
"Where are we going, brother?" I asked frantically.
"Come on!" She said.
I just kept quiet while following his steps. His grip is so strong that it makes my wrist pain even more so I have to follow his long stride. Everyone in the corridor looked at us. Maybe they think that I am a new kid who will soon be punished by a cruel senior.
He took my hand off when he reached a large glass-walled room. Inside were many books on the high shelves looming to the ceiling. At the front door of the room was written 'Central Library'. I do not know why he took me to that place. I've never liked libraries since for me the place is so boring.
He pulled a chair for me and started talking about things I did not understand. Gender. Discrimination. I was totally astonished at her. I think he's very strange. Talking about such things with new people is not uncommon. She should have asked me my name, where I came from or where I came from. But he just asks me how I look about people who like to discriminate. Of course I only answer that it's not a good thing.
Perhaps he realized that we had not introduced him since the beginning of the meeting. He then held out his hand to me. Doubt could cover me but I still welcome his helping hand.
"Doni." He said briefly.
"Vania." I say.
For a while we were silent. Finally I can see his face clearly. Sharp eyes, sharp nose, and brown skin. I just realized how beautiful the scene in front of me. I do not know how my face looks when I see his face. I can only see a strange impression on his face. Cold impression even though he smiled.
From then on I always thought about Doni. My brief nights are becoming increasingly lengthy because the shadow of Doni's strange figure always penetrates my mind. Yeah, he's weird but that's the appeal. I am always challenged to break into the gap of his heart. Find out what's on his mind. It is also the thing that encourages me not to hesitate to express love to him.
People say something taboo if women express love first. But I never care about their word. By gathering all my courage I immediately met Doni who just came out of the class after attending lectures.
I then took Doni to the park. There is no one but us. Then without hesitation I immediately expressed my feelings to him. My heart is like jumping out. Feeling nervous and anxious began to ambush me. I felt a drop of sweat streaming down my face. What if he refuses me ?, I thought.
Long silence he finally open the voice. And how happy I am when he says "yes". I instantly hugged him and I did not even notice how his face expression at that time. But I had caught a strange expression on his face. A difficult expression I understand. Never mind, he's weird anyway.

Although I already have Doni, but I have not been able to find a gap to get into his heart. Doni is too cold to be called a lover. I felt there was a wall between us. We never unite the heart. Just then I realized that Doni did not love me. What a stupid new self I could feel after having been in a story for almost four years.
But I do not care. All that folly was fused with my dream to stay with Doni. I'm still stepping by her side. Break through the crowd of people who stared at us with different views. Some are happy, some are not happy. Not infrequently I heard the whisper of friends who commented terntang us.
"Well, you two are really a sweet couple." Yola said with a face that looks cute.
"You're weird. Why do you want to go out with him? Do not you know what kind of man he is? ". Beautiful word. I do not mean what he means.
"Vania, you're careful! Doni's a tiger. Palyboy is a great class. "Yogi said with a laugh that made me unhappy.
"Charming hell, but ..." Wanda said giggling as she closed her mouth with her hand.
That's the sentence I always hear from friends. I do not understand why they hate Doni.
I know all this time Doni did not have friends. He is just friends with solitude. Often I found him sitting alone and I saw the eyes of other friends who showed displeasure. He is like an outcast.
Once I asked why he did not have friends. The reason why college friends always talk bad things about him. But he was angry and threw a book he was reading. I've never seen him that bad. His face hardened. If only I was not a woman he might have hit me.
"Never ask that again! You understand? "She snapped at me.
I was so scared. The other side of Doni finally unfolded in front of me. For a moment I was horrified. With my hands and feet trembling I immediately moved from his side. But my pace stopped as I felt his hand pull me in his arms. The first hug from him. I've always been the one who hugged her.
"Sorry. I did not mean to tell you. I'm just annoyed. "He said softly.
I just nodded and cried in his warm embrace. The hugs I've been waiting for all these years. But the hug is just entertainment because after that he just increasingly away from me.
Day after day our relationship grew increasingly gray. Often I find him daydreaming alone or angry at something trivial until one day I hear him talking to someone on the phone.
"I miss you, too.". Doni said.
Who did he miss? I thought.
Doni's voice sounded hoarse as it cried. Then he resumed his conversation.
"No way." Doni snapped. "It will hurt her. He loves me so much and I know it. How can I say if I ... I ... I, ah never mind. "
What is this? Why with Doni? I thought.
But I never knew the true story. When I want to ask for an explanation Doni just disappeared. He seemed to disappear along with the wind. It was the last day I saw him. His conversation with someone behind the phone was his last voice I could hear.
I do not know how long I looked at the picture Doni. It was too long until I forgot that I had to go to Yola's house because she was celebrating her fourth wedding anniversary.
At Yola's house, I can see there are many friends during college who come. After congratulating Yola and her husband, I then greeted them one by one. Shake hands, cuddle or just a silly saying about life and career.
In the midst of our preoccupation, a man suddenly greeted me. Typical heavy sound. I turned to the origin of the sound. Then I felt my legs begin to be unable to sustain my weight when I saw the owner of the voice. Instantly the smell of the past began to smell. Doni. He has returned. His charm does not even fade. Still same.
For a moment we fell silent. I feel like I'm angry but I can not. Want to hug Doni's body but I did not do it. There are many questions I want to ask her. But when I wanted to open a voice suddenly a man in a white suit approached Doni. The man is a bit shorter than Doni. Her skin is pure white. Her hair is cloudy and slick. Looks like he is very concerned about his appearance.
The clever man then stood near Doni. As if knowing what I was thinking, the man introduced himself to me. His hands are sturdy but obscure. I reached out my hand to her and introduced myself.
"Vania." I say shortly.
"Ali" The man said. "I'm Doni's girlfriend."
I'm laughing. I turned my face to Doni in the hope that what Ali had just said was a mere joke. But the nod of Doni's head made my laughter and smile disappear. Changed with tears suddenly transformed into a tributary in my face. Then slowly all seemed to spin.