Sobriety, day 107:

in alcohol •  2 years ago 

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I talked to my son's art teacher today about Harry Potter, and found she had made the same mistake as me in pronouncing Hermione as her-me-own in her head before the movies codified something else.

After, I was listening to some audiobook dialogues, and realized I had given these characters implausible voices in my head some decades ago. Like... They all should obviously sound Greek. Instead, Socrates always sounded like a Rabbi, and Thrasymachus sounded like Marilyn Manson (and I suspect if I read it for the first time today, he'd sound like Michael Malice).

The guy narrating gives Thrasymachus a deep, manly voice, which is the complete opposite of the M&Ms.

Honestly, decades ago I used to regularly do harder drugs than alcohol, but I thankfully never got that into pharmaceuticals.

Alcohol and caffeine have been it for quite a while, in terms of drug habits. I used to be a smoker, but I quit that a whole lotta years ago.

There are certainly drugs out there that tend to be more addictive than alcohol, and less. There are people I know, some who are close, who have alcoholism so severe that I can't even relate, and some drinking friends that don't seem to have any problem with it. Personally, I've got some issues with alcohol. I was a daily drinkers for years, which is unhealthy. I was able to take breaks, like sober Octobers and such, without too much of a problem, but the fact that none of them were easy says there's an issue there. I still feel unable to deal with social situations without that crutch.

I don't know... I've got an issue that I'm working to address. It's not as bad as some people's issues, and worse than other's. Just trying to be better myself than past me, rather than focus on comparisons to others, and I'm trying not to be as hard on myself as I tend to be about weaknesses at the same time.

It's a process. A work in progress.

For the record, I'd been doing great on sobriety until this week. Like... I stopped even thinking about drinking except in a couple of social situations.

But I've got a new dog and I swear to God, it makes me want to drink constantly. It jumps on me and shits in the house and barks almost as much as my other one and lumbers around into things and knocks over my daughter and chews up paper towels and is mean to the cat and even just looking at it makes me want to drink.

I'm trying so hard to like it, but it just gets under my skin and makes me want to leave my house for the liquor store so I don't have to deal with it.

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