Mad Men and Alfas: Driving a Classic Alfa Romeo across Europe.

Henry Ford said “When I see an Alfa Romeo go by, I tip my Hat”.

[Update no. 2: 2nd edit attempt. I took new landscape photos and uploaded them... success! Prior landscape photos are still loading upside down. Portrait still loading sideways. Edit period is 7 days only so it is what it is! Please enjoy and Happy reading! ]

[Update: I uploaded some photos under edit option from my mobile instead of from laptop. That worked for one photo. Others are still upside down photos or sideways sorry]

Driving a classic 45 year old car across Europe is not for the faint hearted. Driving an Alfa Romeo classic car converted to a race car with a roll cage, race seats, harness, kill switch, tiny pedals and right hand drive on the wrong- hand side of the road, from Florence, Italy to Le Mans, France, is reserved for the upper end of the car mad only.

I know what you are thinking, Alfa’s are notorious for having things go wrong. I won’t deny that. Below that ill-fated reputation is a real car. Designed by the driving mad Italians for the car mad fans. She is art on wheels. She is curved and sexy. She is Alfa Romeo.

Touring in a classic is not a glamorous venture. Every day is a bad hair day. The interior of the car is hot and with no air con - it’s compulsory windows down - blowing your stresses away, freshening your complexion and putting a non-stop smile on your face with every roar, every gear change and every wave from passers by. We love it!

This is our 3rd trip in the Alfa around France - 2011, 2013 and this year. We do not own the car, we pick her up from our very good and trusting Kiwi friend and off we go on our adventures. Each adventure does end up an adventure for the village roads in Europe are not Alfa friendly (except the modern Peage toll roads) and she gets shook and banged around navigating the plethora of raised speed humps, pot holes and patched roads.

You need to be a MacGyver, coming up with ingenious ways to fix problems with the bare minimum tools you are carrying. It’s amazing what you can fix with cable ties and duck-tape. You be a person who panics when things go wrong. Especially when you know the changes are high. Just roll with the punches and sort it out with a level head.

ITINERARY

The purpose of this trip is to attend the Le Mans Classic 24 Heures due Mans Historique. – basically two days of oogling and drooling over classic cars, 7-8 July, as well as site seeing a bit of Italy and a lot of Provence, Southern France. We are meeting the car owner in Le Mans. He is flying to Paris, France from Florence, Italy then driving the car back to Florence. We then head to Spain, UK to see family, then home to New Zealand via Hong Kong.

Lonely Planet produce brilliant guides books. We would never leave home without it. “France’s Best Trips – 30 amazing road trips” has done us well for 2 tours. We have picked a mish mash of tours to suit our interests and schedule.

We need to be in Le Mans Friday night of 6 July. From Florence to Le Mans is 13 hours driving straight. 1,313KM. We have from 25 June to 6 July (12 days) to meander across Europe, enjoying the sites and getting to Le Mans with no rush.

THE CAR

The Alfa is a 1973 2L GTV 105. In Alfa red, with traditional white racing circles on the driver door and boot lid and a white nose.

She has been modified into a race car. The modern twinspark engine was worked on by Maurice Thompson Motors in Te Awamutu, New Zealand (yes the same place that Crowded House sing about). The original dash board, carpet and rear seat remain. I used to race her with the Alfa Romeo Car Club when the car was based in New Zealand. So we have a long relationship. I’m sure she recognises me when I come to visit her in Europe! We always have a wee chat before we hit the road and the dash board is patted to ask her to give us a good journey.

Inside the car is very noisy when driving, you have to shout at each other. All the sound deadening was removed when she was converted to a race car (less weight more speed). The other effect of this is that the interior gets very warm from the heat radiating through the body from the gear box, exhaust and engine.

But hey, I’m not complaining, because the noise is the beautiful, dare I say Italian sexy, sound of the engine purring, roaring, powering along through the French country side, past tumble town farms and through quaint villages where time has stood still. It’s the sound of an Italian classic. A sound no other car makes. The sound is art itself, as is each curve of her body – truly an Italian beauty.

PREPARATION

When driving the Alfa one does not merely show up, put your bags in the boot and drive off. Preparation is needed.

THE CAR

The mechanical side is taken care of by the car owner. On this trip he rebuilt the rear axel having worn it out on a thoroughly enjoyable 9 day trip through the Pyrenees two weeks prior, where he went through a set of tyres. It’s a race car, it has to be driven like it’s stolen!

SAME DRIVING POSITION

Luckily Mike and I have the same driving positions. Italian style. Sitting well back with arms and legs slightly bent. No sitting with the steering wheel in your chest staring out the screen like Driving Miss Daisy. The seats are fixed in place anyway. Only the passenger harness needs adjusting around the hips. For some reason the driver’s harness fits us both as is. Think it’s because the driver seat sits lower than the passenger seat.

TOOLS

Compulsory to carry a tool box and a sense of humour for stuff will go wrong. It is an Alfa and it is 45 years old. Must haves are cable ties, duck-tape, hoses, jubilee clips, plastic gloves (your hands will get filthy), rain coat (keep you dry on the road side in the rain), emergency triangle, spare starter motor, oily rag, voltage reader, axle stands, jack, spare tyre and a mat to lie on when you are staring under the car plus many other little things you didn’t know would be helpful. Hence one can only travel light for there isn’t much room for a lot of luggage with that lot!

CLOTHING

If you have images of Grace Kelly with her hair in a pretty scarf, curls escaping and being buffeted by the wind looking absolutely fabulous, please press delete then reboot! Practical clothing is needed to deal with the heat and weather.

Number one driving gear is a cap for your head. Preferably your favourite well worn car themes cap (my is from Le Mans). The car seat is low and the sun visors small, rendering them ineffective. A cap will shade your face. It will also stay on your head with the windows down.

If the weather is good, sunglasses of course. Good ones with polarised lenses. Sun block is required to keep the driver’s tan under control – one burnt arm and burnt thighs is not a good look.

Appropriate footwear is essential. The pedals in an old car are small and close together. So no chucky shoes. Jandals or sandals are no good either as they can get caught on the pedals. They also don’t protect your feet from the heat that comes up through the floor. You’ll end up with cooked heals! Sneakers or slim fitting shoes (like Puma) without a chucky sole are perfect, so you can feel the car as you drive and feel where the pedals are as you move your feet over them, without pressing two at once! Also allows one to heel toe when changing gear feel like a race car driver – we are after all in a race car!

If it’s cold, a very warm jacket. Water, nibbles at hand.

LUGGAGE

Forget the large Loui Vuitton suitcase. The back seat is very small and the roll cage takes out half the space. The boot is also small and full with tools We pack the essentials into a soft duffel bag which fits into the boot. Our backpacks sit on the bag seat. I’m a terrible over packer and I find it quite distressing having to be ruthless with packing – what if I need that one t-shirt that one time!!! My rule is now start with 100%, get rid of 66% then get rid of 50% of that and you will still have too much!

A small suitcase can fit in the back.

NAVIGATING

Navigating is a two person job. The Alfa sits quite low. The driver and passenger are checking for obstacles on the road, bumps and lumps. Raised pedestrian crossings are a mare! These rattle the old girl and passengers. Or worse, she bottoms out and the faithful sump guard earns its keep again.

We have a key word "yump!" is called as we have called them, so the driver knows to slow down and go over the ‘yump’ to one side or diagonally.

Photo: Taking the Mirabau Haute corner at Monaco (at 15km...)

Hey but it’s all part of the fun of driving an old car. The pay back is people wave, smile, take photos when she is parked. The pay back is accelerating past newer cars on the Peage at 130km per hour and hearing the engine power come on as the throttle is opened and the roar crescendos as the pistons speed up their frantic action, combusting the fuel into Alfa power!

TOLL ROADS

Europe has fantastic paege motorways. They are affordable, flat and fast. The speed limit may be 130km.....but the limit appears to be a guide as we were overtaken by cars and motorbikes going faster. In the Alfa 120km is comfortable. Any faster is noise and wear.

The passenger has an additional role - getting the paege ticke and paying. Being a right hand drive car the toll booth is on the left. Paywave means no more hassle of ensuring you have a steady coin collection in the car.

GOOGLE MAPS v STAT NAV

A mobile phone, charging cable and a cigarette USB converter are your best friends. Stat Nav has totally changed being a tourist. The Alfa has extra wiring in it for charging mobile phones, stat nav and to play music on an MP3.

No longer are you lost, pulled over on the side of the road with the map spread on the bonnet trying to figure out where you are. Instead stat nav will dutifully guide you to your destination with a clear voice telling you to “turn left in 200m…..turn left.. turn left now..."

Well… not quite. The soothing voice can lead you astray. We learnt this on prior driving tours when we found ourselves at a cross roads surrounded by lush green corn on all sides, with the stat nav (re-named Le Bitch by this point) telling us to drive straight ahead onto a lumpy dirt track deeper into the corn field.

Sometimes she doesn’t take the shortest route and sends you on a circulating journey around a village. Being sent down closed roads or tram lines is another trick.

Hence navigating being a two person job. Both are checking where Stat Nav is telling you to go, discussing where you think it wants you to go when at an intersection (and usually getting it wrong and circling round again or worse driving down a motorway in the wrong direction as you took the wrong right lane of the two right lanes.)

I like to use google maps as a back up to check that Le Bitch has it right and also if she fails. That happened to us on the Paris Ring road. Right before we were to turn off. She went quiet instead of being her usual chatty self. Lucky hubby has an instinct for direction (it’s like a Neanderthal caveman instinct that men haven’t lost. He’s used it to traverse Bangkok to our hotel after we alighted early from a terrible 2 hour ride in a decrepit van) and he took the correct off ramp, at which point Le Bitch returned to life and lead the rest of the way to the Hotel at Versaille. (which is a must to visit).

ALFA MADDNESS

Aflisti, a term of endearment for Alfa owners, have been bitten by the Alfa bug. For all their faults, the electrics that drive you crazy, the rust that bubbles up – they are a much loved car. The love heart grill, the logo of the man being eaten by a snake, the sexy, red – what is there to not fall in love with? Alfa conjures up responses of praise from strangers who walk past and stop to take photos, or drive past waving out the window with a smile on their face. Their day is made brighter with the gift of seeing this beauty of a car being used as she was made to be.

“You’re not a proper petrol head until you have owned an Alfa”
Author unknown.

Kiwicrypto Abroad