While Frank and I were at the Anarchapulco event in Acapulco, Guerrero, Mexico, we had the pleasure of meeting Jeff Berwick. Something that stood out to me while we spoke and during his speeches, opening and closing, is how he was genuine. His opening speech was funny; he expressed his true emotions, with a lot of "Thank you's" and a few "Fuck you's" too. I can understand the sentiments he was expressing. Showing vulnerability on stage when speaking of his struggles and his family showed a side of him I had not quite seen before. What the guy has created in terms of movement and event is an amazing accomplishment and I feel very grateful of its existence and blessed to have met so many kind and caring people while there.
So when I met him face to face, it was before the Opening of the event. Frank and I were walking by not far from the Main Conference area and Jeff Berwick was walking one of his dogs. I've got to say, those dogs were very well taken care of. When they weren't with Jeff, they were with folks petting them, holding them. They had the deluxe edition of dog service, that's for sure.
Approaching Jeff Berwick, we probably looked like babbling fools. "Oh, Jeff Berwick!" "Hi, uh." "We're fans!" This was both of us talking at the same time. After initial introductions, we got chatting. Jeff asked us where we were from, so we discussed the direct flight, etc. You know, a bit of casual small talk. Then we mentioned it was our first time here and Frank mentioned that we didn't know until upon arrival basically if we'd make it due to my anxiety. So Jeff asked a few questions regarding that and we spoke a bit about EFT and such.
By the way, I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that another detail I did to help make going possible was I "hibernated" in my "cave" over the holidays. Did nothing, and went nowhere. It gave my mom a break, my sister a break, Frank and the kids went to his family, but I stayed home and took care of my body, since every year the stress of going to so many places in just two weeks makes me sick. I didn't get sick.
So, jump back to chatting with Jeff Berwick and he says to me, non-challantly, in a matter-of-fact manner, but without any judgement: "You know you have nothing to be afraid of, right?" And my reflex was: "Yeah, duah, of course!" And when that sunk in, I had an epiphany. That resonated so much, and here's why...
All this time, I've been focusing on reassuring myself, working on the things that I fear, in the sense of "I'm okay, I'm safe, I have nothing to be afraid of." All in reassuring tones, all in regards to specific fears or emotional flashbacks. What Jeff Berwick said, he wasn't trying to reassure me about anything in particular, he doesn't know my backstory, he doesn't know all the details of who I am, how I act, and he didn't just say that there was nothing for me to be afraid of, he said "You know..." YOU KNOW!
Of course, I know, but my body reflexively goes into the fight-flight-freeze thing because it has been conditioned to do so, but realising that I KNOW I'm safe, I KNOW I have nothing to be afraid of, I KNOW that I'm okay... I KNOW. And that changes everything. The work I've been doing did and continues to do amazing things, but this revelation, in those times when I'm talking to myself, when I'm thinking those thoughts, when my therapist is not there, or when I am completely alone, the "I know" part changes things for me. When I say "I know" I'm not just reassuring myself of something that might or might not be true, I am asserting to myself that everything is fine and I am safe, I am acknowledging my knowledge of it (going into knowledge and thus towards freedom), despite my brain reflexively going into a state it has been conditioned to go into, reshaping, rewiring and reconditioning my brain and my body, into a healthier state, just by saying "I know" before certain statements.
And it's funny because my therapist and I never thought about adding that, not in such a general sense. We always reframe certain and specific events with regards to certain details, which in my brain does not necessarily mean that another situation will be the same, where I'll also be safe or anything like that. But to hear sometimes something said by someone exterior to everything going on in my life can be as therapeutic as a whole therapy session. And the manner in which he said, it's as though I was ready to hear it that way, I was ready for that, to receive, to perceive, and it had a impact on me. I needed that, like it was the next step for my brain to realise that I can reassure myself in ways that transcend beyond that which I have been able to do thus far. It was amazing. That one sentence.
And, like... Riiiiiight? He's totally right. And he gets it, he has anxiety too. And his addiction was drinking, mine used to be gaming, doing it in unhealthy ways, and like me, he has tamed his addiction and does it in healthy ways now. But in certain situations and occasions, it helps, and that's okay to acknowledge that, to use it constructively, not abusively.
Jeff Berwick might not remember me tomorrow, he might remember me now, he might not remember what he said to me if he does remember me (I mean we were only 2 or 3 people with green hair, so... lol), but I will always remember what he said and how he said it and how I was ready to move into a new phase of healing, of self-healing, and the self-revelations I got from that one encounter. He was perhaps just the instrument that triggered this within me, but he's still the one who was the instrument I was ready to hear.
I doubt he'll end up on this post, but if @jeffberwick / @dollarvigilante falls on this, then... Thank you!
By the way, the images were taken with Canon Powershot SX730 HS with a few little touch-ups in Photoshop.
You can atch up on how I made it to Anarchapulco here: https://steemit.com/anarchapulco/@binkyprod/how-i-made-it-to-anarchapulco-2019