The ability to communicate compassionately is a matter of mastering emotional intelligence and leveraging conscious control of the fight or flight response.
Tragically, many anarchists and logical philosophers are not any better at controlling their responses than any other person. They may claim rational calmness, but I rarely see this play out in debates online. In reality, it takes practice and effort to quell emotional upsurges of volatile energy.
One must focus on the feelings that arise in the ether of consciousness, name those feelings, and let them pass calmly like a voyager gliding through empty space. This is a Zen idea. It is also a form of psychological control. It is called self-soothing, and it is the epitome of emotional intelligence.
If anarchists fail to practice self-soothing, they will become enraged and start shit talking or shit posting, and this form of communication does not have the positive effect of allowing the recipient of the message to feel warmth and connection. And it is this connection that is a prerequisite of effective persuasion.
Taking Communication Seriously and Getting on an Emotional Wavelength
It is true that many people online do not care about this anyway. All they care about is trolling and trying to trigger people (although Steemit seems to be encouraging more novel and empathetic ways of relating).
Still, many people in most web locales turn into instant trolls if they disagree with content.
Personally, I think trolling is an exhausting waste of time and energy, so I take all of my communication seriously. I assume people want to have an authentic conversation and connection, even if it is a subconscious impulse. Therefore, I try to approach discussion with relationalism and nonviolent communication in mind.
And when I do this, it allows me to fine tune my emotional responses to their emotional signals. It also allows me to get into their head and feel out what their reality is like. It bestows me with insight as to what they need at that time, helping me to better articulate and express ideas more beautifully, because I am now on the same emotional wavelength as them.
This connection is what creates a true dialogue, and provides them with just enough calmness and clarity to consider changing their philosophy. This is the result of practicing emotional intelligence in the context of debate.
Lastly, I admit that I am imperfect at times and get sucked into the content and fire of the message, but I try to create the most conscious and heartfelt discussions when possible, even if I have to come back later and make amends for a reaction I was unable to control.
Communication is of utmost importance, even in regards to online discussion.
This is a video I created a few weeks ago on Compassionate Communication:
My name is Sterlin. Follow me @ Psychologic-Anarchist. I also run the Psychologic-Anarchist Facebook page and produce many YouTube videos. My interests lie in the intersection of counseling psychology and anarchism. I write about the depredations of psychiatry, and also the new philosophy of compassionate anarchism. We have a large community devoted to discussing psychology and relational voluntaryism.
It's too hard control own mind(
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Thank you for this. A very salient post! Something we all should keep in mind.
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Yes, @kaylinart did it! She does good work.
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TRUE :)
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PERFECT :)
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I haven't really noticed much of this on here. Did I miss some posts? I agree with you by the way and have had a few such debates, but everyone has been surprisingly civil. I haven't seen anything I'd call trolling on steemit yet. I have started to wonder if the chance to earn money and perhaps the reputation system is somehow encouraging more civility than is normally present in such discussions.
When I debate such topics on reddit I often feel like I am wading into trench warfare. I don my flak vest, grab my gas mask, and hope that the walls don't cave in on me.
I have not experienced a single instance of that here. Have you? If so I missed those posts.
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Haha. "Wading into trench warfare." I love that analogy. So true.
And I agree with you about Steemit. I mentioned in my post that Steemit is creating a culture of more compassionate communication, and there is less of that type of behavior here. Not surprising, though. People are incentivized to think a little before they write if they want possible up votes on their commentary.
Thanks for this response. Well said.
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I've been in the trenches.... reddit (or steemit) isn't even close ;)
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Steemit is not the trenches. It is way to civil for that, which I think is a compliment, perhaps we can have great conversations without resorting to name calling, condescension, etc. . I've seen some pretty bad places and I've waded in before. I don't tend to like to stay there for long. You do have that "feel" of a veteran of such places though.
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The trenches are where you meet these guys...
And trust me, they love their job.
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Yeah I know all about them. My wife was one before it got to that level. Now she doesn't like them and is glad she is not one.
She and I were around 60 of them in a small town when they were worried about Hell's Angels having their annual gathering near by.
The Hell's Angels were not bad. Those 60 guys were.
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I like this one A LOT!
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I can think of a certain conversation last night on Facebook which would have benefitted from this perspective. :) After a month on Steemit, it was surprising to come in contact with language which appeared to be intentionally abusive and degrading. I also share your optimism regarding the quality of conversations here. I don't want to waste time discussing complicated ideas with people who can't show decency to each other, even if they passionately disagree.
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Absolutely. And the beautiful thing about Steemit is that we can converse with each other and still gain some value from the time we use. In this sense, it is amazing.
I am glad we talked last night, Luke...and I greatly appreciate your contributions to this space. I consider you a friend and fellow traveler.
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Thank you Sterlin. Hopefully the author of that thread you linked me to will find this post some day and try a more respectful approach to dialogue in the future.
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I get emotional because this is life and death to me. I've put myself on the line for my beliefs and I have the emotional, physical, spiritual scars to show for it... I am passionate, and while I do seek ways to turn that energy towards productive uses and mutually beneficial conversation, I do often fall short... Good reminder to us all that we need to prioritize healthy communication. Thanks.
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The Internet lacks competent polite communication.
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That it does. Luckily, I feel like Steemit is offering a solution to that problem.
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Great message! If only more would listen. I have yet to meet an anarchist that can take his views being challenged without throwing insults, or reneging upon confrontation and shouting "Troll!"
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I already replied once... here is my satiracle response. [i.e. not serious]
You are rather presumptious in your superiority. Your ancestors must have spent some time amongst the neanderthals. Emotions are important. They show us the truth. Logic can stifle us. You should let your mind run free, and emotions are part of that. Reason can root your feet so you never make a decision. Inaction is bad. You should read the book by X, and Y, as my appeal to authority proves I am correct. I also generalize that because I am right about this I am right about everything else. You should believe me. See how powerful my appeal to authority is. I also have many pieces of paper framed on my walls that say I know things. You do not fully comprehend how powerful my appeal to authority is. You definitely should not challenge me, simply bow down and kiss my boots now. I'll pat you on the head and tell you that you are becoming AWAKE. For only someone sleeping would fail to recognize my superior mind and thus my authority. I am expert on X but I'll tell you everything you need to know about Y as though I were also an expert in that.
If you failed to understand what I wrote as the first sentence. This is a joke. I don't believe a single word of what I just wrote.
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@moneymaker People lack competent polite communication! The internet it's just a tool.
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Indeed, and hopefully we can help people see that humans are still humans online, and compassionate communication can be greatly rewarding for all parties.
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This. So much. It's so frustrating for me, both when I'm talking with someone, or watching someone else talk about something that matters to me. It's so hard for people to admit that there's a difference between them and their brain, and just accept whatever their brain presents to them.
Stop being a slave to your brain. Make your brain work for you.
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How i wish more anarchist will advocate for compassion and empathy.
Great as always Sterlin, love your stuff :)
-Yonatan
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Thanks a bunch. Glad to be here~!
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That is such a great drawing of you!
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Another great article brother! Glad to see you doing well!
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Thanks keith!
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Excellent. The idea of anarchy in people without knowledge about it at first means (unruled and stronger one to rule). At a time you anarchist started to come here I was afraid that this will become a place where you prove your "anarchy" and that outside person will start to look negatively on steemit as anarchist ground. I subscribed to you blindly after seeing podcast which mentioned you. But it's like I've hit a jackpot you are wonderful, easy, and compassionate person that are making my uneducated prejudices go away.
In truth I still believe that your anarchist pals are insensitive on matters you are explaining, so thank you for educating them also.
Just yesterday I tried to do the same thing for @lukewearechange , when I asked him on his new post to give back something to the community that is rewarding him by answering their questions. He responded in 20 minutes and asked: "What do you mean, I'm answering right now". When I replied and explained to him that day before he landed 4000$ for posting but didn't answer honest and sincere questions like mine and others in his introduction post (he hasn't checked later or bothered to answer any of the posts). It may seem that he is just advertising himself without caring about those that reward him.
This is a really small community here for the time being and most of the anarchists have gone through bad welcome only because they aren't aware of things you are saying here.
Once again marvelous post. Keep it up.
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Great insight Lekismus.
That is one reason why I tend to target anarchists as my audience. Many of them follow along the "harder" routes of anarchistic philosophy, which colors everything as rational and logical. In this sense, they forget about making connections with people and touching the heart.
I hope that we can all work together to get more anarchists coming from the relationalist perspective, since I believe it will also get more people involved in anarchism.
Thanks for taking the time to provide such a great comment.
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Totally necessary, conscious communication. Key is listening without judgement. When someone has an opposing view point it is integral in the process for both parties to simply hear and restate even expand on the topic. Then they can adjust, perhaps reconfigure and strengthen their own points without disrespecting or diminishing the other. This is how change can begin, compassionate convos! Ready set go.
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This is an excellent post. I tend to alternate between serious communication and trolling. Sometimes trolling works as bait, if you can calmly ask the responder what it was that bothered them about what you said. Sometimes facts appear blunt, and even callous, if you are unfamiliar with them, or the conflict with something you value.
Maybe that's not what you mean by trolling. LOL, I don't know. I've certainly had my share of heated flame wars, as well, but there are times when a response starts that way from the outside, but after logical, honest exchange, you can create rapport so that people are able to see your point of view, understand what you mean, and why you say it. In fact, a surprising number of interactions end in the other party apologizing and admitting they didn't have support for their view. That's when you see a relationship start to build, curiosity is planted and future conversations can lead to awakening.
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nice post
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Thanks!
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maybe you are trapped in such a environment.
I believe in people but they need a good leading.
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it pisses me off when younger people are smarter than me ; )
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It's useful to be reminded of this now and then. Thanks for what you're doing.
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