And the Corporations spake these words:
“We are the Crapitalists, who brought you out of the land of misery and poverty. You shall have no other gods before Us.
You shall make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall bow down to them and worship them; for We are jealous Gods, punishing those who lack brand loyalty.
You shall not misuse the name of your Gods, for the Lords have copyright trolls and anything you say can and will be used against you.
Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns.*
*unless profit may be made…never mind, you shall not waste a day.
Honor your father and your mother, so they will buy you the stuff that you want.
You shall not murder, unless you are given a costume to protect Our interests.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, unless she is in an advertisement, in which case, We’re counting on it.
You shall not steal except for subsidization.
You shall not give negative testimony against Our products.
You shall covet anything that belongs to your neighbor, especially if it is bigger, faster, or better than what you have.”