Criticize with Kindness

“Just how charitable are you supposed to be when criticizing the views of an opponent?”
-Daniel Dennet

To anyone who has ever expressed an opinion on the interwebz, you know that sometimes it comes with varying degrees of backlash. Whether arguing religion or politics (especially religion or politics) or even something simple such as a review of a game or movie, no opinion on anything seems to go unpunished.

The internet has been fertile ground for hyper-emotional and often hate-filled rhetoric as hiding faceless behind the shield of a keyboard makes it easier to do so. Even to the rational and collected among us, it is easy to fall prey to this type of dialogue by lowering ourselves to the level upon which our “opponents” attempt to drag us.

“The critic’s symbol should be the tumble-bug: he deposits his egg in somebody else’s dung, otherwise he could not hatch it.”
-Mark Twain

It’s not terribly surprising. People feel strongly about what they believe. If they did not, they either wouldn’t believe it or can be so effortlessly swayed – usually through manipulation of emotion – that they can easily fall into mental traps of erroneous or illogical thinking. Almost every anarchist I know has come to that philosophy through research and observation. Practically ever proponent of the state repeats the fear and doubt sewn into them by said state. Psychological condition can be very tough to crack.

For these reasons, it is ever important for those who have a serious desire to teach and learn what they believe or experience to maintain a charitable position. If we allow ourselves to devolve into petty bickering or a “convert at all cost” type thinking, we seriously degrade the efficacy of our arguments and can drive away otherwise reasonable people whom we desire as our target audience.

In his book Intuition Pumps and Other Tools for Thinking, social philosopher Daniel Dennet highlights four invaluable rules to follow in order to enhance collective understanding by breaking free of one's natural desire to caricature their opponent.

I highly recommend picking up this book. It is a great tool for critical thinkers and offers four simple rules for criticizing with kindness. Applying these four simple rules can go a long toward advancing our cause:

1.) You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”

2.) You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).

3.) You should mention anything you have learned from your target.

4.) Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism

Not only will these rules help prevent turning off those with whom you are looking to convince, but they will also leave you open to making new discoveries on your own. After all, isn't that why we engage in lively debate to begin with?

Let your aim be to come at truth, not to conquer your opponent. So you never shall be at a loss in losing the argument, and gaining a new discovery.”
-Arthur Martine