Giant Assholes

_pixabay.com

As some of you know, I was on a short vacation again (Mallorca, Spain this time). As probably the same people know, I was recklessly attacked hugged by a jellyfish while swimming.

Jellyfish are huge assholes. Literally!

_{By Whidou [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons}

The people who made this picture preferred to call it “mouth”, but jellyfish eat and “poop” with the same hole. And they’re not much more than this hole and some tentacles. So: Giant assholes.

But those tentacles were the actual problem.

While I was swimming peacefully in the surprisingly warm water (October? Nah, not there), I didn’t even consider the danger. And when I felt something soft and squishy brushing up on my body, I thought it’s some kind of seaweed and pushed it away.

Just that it wasn’t seaweed.

My fingers touched something jelly-like and immediately started to burn. So did my right hip and side of my stomach.

The animal was tiny, maybe 10 cm in length, but the pain it induced!

Jellyfish (not all by the way) have so-called cnidocytes on their tentacles. Those explode when touched and penetrate the human skin very, very easily. And deposit their nasty venom. _@suesa

I’m surprised how fast I reacted, there were almost 100 m between the beach and me and I was in pain, huge pain. Ever accidentally touched a hot pot or pan and burnt your finger in the process? That pain but on a larger piece of skin.

Breathing was hard because I panicked quite a bit but I made it back to the beach where I walked up to the lifeguards sitting in the shadow and watching the beachgoers.

”Jellyfish?” One of them asked and I just nodded, in tears. He proceeded to rinse the affected area with a mixture of vinegar and baking powder, then told me to stay out of freshwater for a bit.

Because freshwater might trigger leftover cells that might still be sticking to my skin. And, surprise! Urine counts as freshwater too. Please don’t pee on jellyfish stings. Just don’t.

Anyway, I survived with several nasty red streaks which I actually wanted to show you. But then I’d have to post a bikini picture … I can live without the comments that might be provoked by that.

Instead, look at the pain of someone else:

_{By Thomas Quine, https://www.flickr.com/photos/quinet/6052293114}

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Sources:

Jellyfish Anatomy

What’s Behind That Jellyfish Sting?

Difference between Cnidocyte and Nematocyst

Puncture mechanics of cnidarian cnidocysts: a natural actuator

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_{Monster GIF by @saywha and @atopy}