February 28th, 2020. A true story.
There are times in your life when you have to take all of your remaining chips and thrust them into the center of the table; all in. Regardless of the stakes, or the odds – with caution to the wind – you’ve looked out from the inside of your sunglasses and realized abruptly that everyone at the table is staring at you.
Time has slowed to a stop. The walls have closed in as far as they possibly can. There’s no more thinking to do. There’s no one to turn to and ask for help. It’s all been leading up to this moment.
You’ve officially reached the tipping point.
On one side? Everything you’ve always tried to do to be a part of society and blend in with the majority. Everything they’ve always told you to do; told you was right from wrong.
On the other side? One Lonely Choice.
Against the odds. Against the grain. Against all common thought. A silly, little dream, perhaps. A mad man in the midst of a phantasmagoria. Confused, lost, he’s considering…the unthinkable.
--Thoughts of the ‘unthinkable‘, originated in the ‘unknowable‘.
On February 28th, 2020, I was arrested at the casino in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I faked a seizure and was left unattended at the hospital by the state police. The following day, I was arrested again, after jumping on stage and trying to take over a band as lead singer.
You see, there’s always a myriad of choices to consider when you’ve decided to fall in line with those around you. It’s usually the easiest route to take. You can count on the fact too that any average joe will typically offer up the uncomplicated advice to play it safe when called upon and asked for their opinion on the matter.
Take the job. Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Don’t date strippers and prostitutes. Vote. Pay your taxes.
Human beings that have fallen in line with the majority do not typically go around telling other people to think outside the box or chase your wildest dreams. Deep down, they just want the satisfaction that comes from the idea that their life is safe and sound; as good as it gets.
And this seems to be the basis for our society. Anything out of the ordinary is usually pointed at, ridiculed and demonstratized; the originality of the individual persecuted as the infamous tidings of the ole’ black sheep. (These days, he’s often called, the conspiracy theorist.)
All of Joe’s advice being highly considered, I’ll pause here and remind you that nothing incredibly miraculous or amazing has been done in the name of the ‘normy’ who always took the safest route. Heck, we wouldn’t be where we are today – not even close – if it weren’t for the many trailblazers, freedom fighters and independent thinkers of the world that have come graciously before us.
The collective voice of reason is littered with the common societal beliefs of everyone around you; those that dare not dream of a better place, or a better life for themselves. They want to keep it simple, and that’s going to be fine most days, I guess.
Get up, go to work, clock in, clock out. Two days at the end of each week to squeeze in some fun, some sun, some family, some sort of higher pursuit. And, if you aren’t going to be a part of this deadening routine, well, we’re gonna’ go ahead and create a bunch of obstacles that force you into it anyway.
Pregnant? Cool, here’s three months off. Had the kid? Oh, great, now ship him off to daycare as soon as possible. Get back to work! Family values? Family time? Go watch Fuller House. Be sure to tune in for the news, though! Great source to keep you informed on all the nonsense!!!
It’s not that hard to see that the most basic, primal values of humanity are being throttled by some sort of economic (or power) pursuit. And, unfortunately, most people are on the lower end of the economic scale; i.e., most people are losing.
Enter Twin Flame
This story – this life of mine – is centered around love.
I was born with a loving and caring nature, and was raised in a loving environment. All my life, I’ve been attempting to embody love to the fullest, I’ve been learning exactly how to love, and I’ve been trying to find love (true love), basically at all costs. And this stretch of time in the story in and around Bethlehem is no different.
It’s important for me, first, to alert the reader of this mythological tale known as the Divine Twin Flame Reunion. The short version, here, is that (some of) our souls were split in half at creation, and that we’ve been desperately seeking our counterpart over many, different lifetimes.
I’ve been on this journey for quite some time now, and there is currently a lot of information available on the internet to learn more about twin flames. It is a story of self love and growth, as you will not find your other half until you have successfully risen above and ascended through certain trials and tribulations of the self.
Twin flames are here to show the world a new kind of relationship. They will share one thing in common, more than anything else; their true life purpose. Whatever it is that lies deepest within you that you are destined to do on this planet, you will find in this other person as well, and the completion of the soul will lead to the completion of this life work.
As more and more twin flames reunite, the world will begin it’s shift into the golden age, where true peace and happiness will overcome everything else.
It goes a lot deeper than that, and there will be future blogs posted on this website about my own, personal twin flame journey, as well as information about the idea in general. For the sake of the current story, I’d like the reader to know that I was dealing with a bit of twin flame mystery during the time of these events. And, that means, what is real and what is only myth is for you to determine, and for me to know.
My search for love – my search for my own twin flame – has led me down some incredible paths and into some very precarious situations. Here is a good link that talks about the ancient history behind the twin flame story, where Plato, Greece, Egypt and even Carl Jung are mentioned in regards to one soul being split into two.
Twin Flame 11:11 - https://www.twinflames1111.com/blog/recognition/one-soul-divided-twin-flames/
When you are faced with the lonely choice, you are seemingly at risk of finalizing the complete and utter loss of your mind. I mean, let’s face it, when someone goes out on a limb and does something crazy – and fails – most of the time they are met with the sort of feedback that’s along the lines of, “Bro’, what were you thinking!?”
The lonely choice has become the culmination of every thought, every emotion, every action and every belief that is held deep within you. All of these things that you think, believe and do that you think might make you different, or weird, have come down to this.
After thousands of hours of inner conversation – between you, and this person you pretend to be in public – a single question has arisen at the finest hour in the golden silence:
“This can’t be all there is to life. Can it?”
Choosing the lonely choice requires you to place full trust in your highest self. And it just so happens to go against everything you’ve ever been taught, everything you’ve ever seen. You realize that the time has come to make a move of power based upon the only thing that you truly have left; a belief – that something more than this must exist.
Because, if it doesn’t, well, then…what the fuck are we all really doing here, anyway?
You look at your life – all of the major events that have happened over the course of these many years; some natural, some supernatural, some meant to be, some yours to hold onto forever, some earned, some unquestionably the final result after being highly influenced by the unnatural mad world all around you – and you just look in the mirror – with nothing – and you hold on to that one, consistent core part of you that has remained throughout each and every storm, throughout each and every bright, new sunrise.
That one part of you that you will never let die.
Who you really are.
Yes, the drugs were affecting my mind. So, yes, the drugs were affecting my reality.
Yes, gambling has played a very negative part in my life up to this point. And, yes, I was on the run from probation with a warrant that still reads armed robbery as the original charge.
I was living on my friend’s couch. We’ll call him, my diner friend. Our income at the time consisted of a few, measly evening shifts at the new, local diner and a source that required a bit of ingenuity, a lot of patience and a very rationalized version of business ethics.
A source of income nonetheless. (I, at least, always made sure to let the John’s know that it wasn’t right to treat the non-existent ‘prostitute’ like she was his property, or like a piece of meat, before I had him CashApp me the deposit.)
The stakes were high, and I was broke. I had just spent 7 months in jail for a crime that I did not commit. After my release from the county, my initial meeting with probation did not go as I expected.
"So, why were you in jail?"
"Well, I was innocent. My landlord was friends with the local cops, and he lied in order to get me out of the apartment. Told them I had stolen some furniture from his non-existent 'storage area'."
"Hmm."
"Yeah. Things are pretty rough right now. Because of this, because no one in my family belives that I am innocent, I am not speaking to any of them. I'm completely on my own, trying to rebuild everything with very little support."
"Well," he lifts up my file, which is about two-and-a-half inches thick at this point, and lets it drop onto the desk with a thud, "can you blame them?"
Needless to say, I walked out of the office that day and made a decision that I wasn’t going back inside. I told myself that I was never going back to jail again. I didn’t care if a police officer was drawing his gun, or forcing me up against a car or a wall, I wasn’t going back into that dark, unforgiving place.
You see, having lived inside of a jail for stretches of time long enough to relax and observe the surroundings with a keen eye and a rational, clear mind, having been to rehab multiple times, having been involved in a local underworld of drug users, drug dealers and the people that live life to the fullest regardless of consequence or public opinion, I had come to the realization that there is something very wrong with the way we are treating people in this country.
Why were so many people profiting off of us? Why was the whole process cloaked in this weird, ritualistic and confusing manner? Why did I feel like none of it was doing anything other than holding large amounts of innocent people down; knee on the throat, gun aimed high at the head?
As I type this, in 2021, it seems as though the world around me is finally waking up to this sort of thinking. The idea that we shouldn’t be jailing non-violent (drug) offenders, that we shouldn’t be allowing private prisons to extort the jail population, that we should really stop mindlessly filling jails to the brim at every possible turn, and the fact that the jails are basically ran like ‘little’, dark camps of Hell, all of these things are being talked about now a lot more than they were at the time of this story.
And I wanted nothing more than to be the voice of this corruption and extortion. I wanted to be the voice for the many, kind souls I’d encountered over the years of being a drug user. From my visceral experience, I can easily say that around 93% of the people I’d met in jail, or in rehab, or in the life were definitely not bad people at all.
It was poverty. It was a broken family structure. It was frustration with the world around them. It was, plain and simple, the war on drugs that had placed these young (and old) human beings as public enemies. On top of that, there exists incredibly demoralizing obstacles in this country that promote recividism and relapse, and mental health is a major contributor to drug use in the first place.
“Society is collapsing, and people are starting to recognise that the reason they feel like they’re mentally ill is that they’re living in a system that’s not designed to suit the human spirit.”
-RUSSELL BRAND
And I knew all along that some truths are, not only universal, but worth fighting for.
Freedom of the body and mind are definitely on that list, shame being that thousands of people have already died fighting for freedom. And, I’ll say it just for the sake of saying it; you can not tell someone what they can and can not do to their own body.
Using drugs is an exploration of the mind, body and spirit. It’s an experience, one that we have no right to try and stop someone from having. In sobriety, I can easily say that it’s an experience worth having (for me).
Most of the consequences from drug use stem from the fact that they are illegal, and the fact that we are all entering into the exploration with limited information and guidance as to the strength and potential of these chemicals.
Other than that, lessons are learned, new beginnings are sought out and found in the awakening glory of recovery, and prayer, meditation and spirituality are truly found.
Further still, the principles that have founded the growing foundation of 12 step programs are principles that can be used to form the basis of future communities, where fellowship and mentorship is paramount, where judgement is non-existent, where the only authority is a loving and caring God – as you understand Him, and where steps are taken for the individual to overcome the damages he may have caused to his fellow friends and family.
“After a trip through Hell, the journey back to a life worth living can only be seen through the clear eyes of a focused warrior.”
I was literally in the process of stacking up every dollar I could find in order to go to the casino. I needed money to fund moving my entire existence south. From there, I was just going to play poker, vlog about my experience, stay high and enjoy my freedom. I knew the dark internet was providing an excellent opportunity for me to procure a fake ID, and potentially an entire, new identity. I’m not a criminal, so I knew I could avoid police contact.
If it was a game of cat and drugs, I was Tom & Jerry ice cream.
Turns out, the divine feminine spirit of the twin flame had other plans for me…
TO BE CONTINUED….