BEASTLY TALES

AVIAPHOBIA

Bernie Biggles had a deep fear of flying.
Just how it was. Not into dying,
As a result of falling from the air.
At 35,000 feet, he’d wish he wasn’t there!
“I tried it once, and I nearly died,”
So said Bernie, and then he cried.
“I just can’t get it into my head,”
“That boarding an aircraft, doesn’t mean you’re going to be dead!”
“I could take Valium, or something like that,”
“But what’s the point, I couldn’t eat, drink or chat.”
“I may just as well stay right at home,”
“And it’s not natural, through the air to roam.”
“If we were meant to fly, we would have wings.”
“But we only have legs, and arms and other things.”
“Surely there’ s a subliminal message in that.”
“If one wants to go flying, they must be a prat!”

“It’s not just the danger,” continues our Bern,
“It’s the discomfort and crowding, everywhere you turn.”
“Security issues are high on the list,”
“Adding more stress, if you get my gist.”
“I wasn’t aviaphobic before I was born.”
“My mother would regularly fly, and I didn’t scorn,”
“Safely tucked up in her large tummy,”
“I never was afraid when I was with mummy!”

“Claustrophobia is a large part of it all.”
“And being out of control, should we fall.”
“You say there’s only one in a million chance of a crash,”
“But still, over ground it’s “splat”, over water it’s “splash”.”
“And there are always new episodes of Air Crash Investigation”
“Sometimes due to a mere bug infestation.”
“Such as something as small as a blocked Pitot tube,”
“Leaving aircraft in peril, such a small boob.”
“A wasp builds a nest, Altimeters don’t function,”
“Aircraft disorientated, no remedial unction.”
“No, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again,”
“I feel so much safer, going by train!”