BEASTLY TALES

THE BLACKMAILER

Now enter, the terrible Thidwick Flure,
A vicious blackmailer to be sure.
He observed one fine sunny day,
That Mr McClogger was eating strudel,
And having an energetic canoodle.
With Daisy Strumpet from the hardware store
This was exactly what Thidwick was looking for.
Mr McClogger’s heart did palpitate,
At a most alarmingly quick rate.
As he gave Daisy a peck on the cheek.
Thidwick, over the hedge did now peek,
Wondering what Mr McClogger’s wife would think,
(Thidwick knew if found out it could drive him to drink)
A fairly gruff hag,
in fact a real bag,
But she came from a family with money,
Thidwick rubbed his hands with glee, thinking it very funny.
That he now had all the pieces of the puzzle.
(McClogger now leaned over, Daisy’s neck to nuzzle)
All Thidwick now needed was a fine picture,
He focused his camera on Daisy without stricture.
Photography done, he went on the run,
This was marvellous fun, how his head spun,
He was a bounder, a drudge.
Walking through moral sludge.
He ran to the photography store to have his film developed
He sniggered and tittered as he his plan enveloped.

The very next day his photos were there,
Awaiting his very delicate care,
Mr McClogger didn’t look very good,
But Daisy Strumpet looked in seductive mood.
Now Thidwick Flure was very sure
That a convincing case he could lure
A sizeable amount of cash from McClogger,
So, rather than being an internet Blogger,
He hot footed around to the McClogger house,
McClogger opened the door and saw the louse.
Thidwick, was quick to explain the game,
And McClogger saw the picture of the Daisy dame.
He realized the game was up,
And he said to himself; “yup”,
It looks like I’ll have to fork out,
Money to shut up this blackguard lout
Just then, Mrs McClogger pushed past her spouse,
Saw the lewd photos, and screamed, “you dirty louse”.
“Don’t think it is funny, but you’ll have no money”,
“For this, or anything else, sonny!”
“Get right out of this house, you disgusting louse”,
“There’s not place for the likes of you”,
“And you can take your photography ‘friend’.
“For this is indeed the very end”,
“Of what we called a marriage”,
“I don’t wish to disparage”,
“But our marriage is indeed bust”.
“You have destroyed this perfidious trust”
“Now don’t start to snivel”
“And come out with drivel”.

So we see that Thidwick lost right out,
McClogger was divorced for being a lout,
Mrs McClogger lost a husband, quite funny,
But at least she retained all of her money.
Daisy Strumpet could no longer canoodle,
But, at least, she could still have oodles of strudel.