BEASTLY TALES

THE SPRUIKER

In the old times they were called “Snake Oil Men”
They would expound the virtues of Snake Oil when,
They appeared at circuses and country Fairs,
Of course, they came to promote all sorts of wares.
They were showmen, working hard at their trade,
Selling and promoting just about anything made.

In the 1800’s at a State Fair,
Spruiker Nathaniel Windbag was spruiking there.
“Come one come all” he did loudly urge,
“Your internal system you should regularly purge”.
“See the benefits of Milk of Magnesia”,
“It’ll settle your stomach, even if the taste doesn’t please ya”.
“If you want the most relaxing type of bath”,
“Put Radium in the water, plenty, not half”.
“And if constipation your gastro revolts”,
“Drink a very large container of Epsom Salts”,
And so the day would progress,
With the Spruiker contributing to a big mess.
Of mostly false promises as to the efficacy,
Of products that are mostly no longer available see.

Nathaniel Windbag at the very next State Fair,
Was on his stage with his sound trumpet there.
He was heavily promoting new Charcoal Pills,
Supposed to be the remedy for flatulence ills.
He spruiked, “If you regularly eat lentils and beans”,
“And perhaps Chick Peas for in-betweens”,
“Then you simply must take Carmody’s Charcoal Pills”,
“Guaranteed to settle flatulence ills”.
“So if you are already thinking as banal”,
“Generating gas in the alimentary canal”,
“It can be a burden one can do without”,
“So it’s “Carmody’s Charcoal Pills” we do shout!”
“Efficacious whether farting or burping”,
“There’s no other product that could be usurping”.
“Carmody’s Charcoal Pills, they’re the best!”
“Come on now, put them to the test”.