Disclaimer: it's been a while since I viewed this movie, I checked a couple of facts, but most I did not. Please correct me in the comments!
This is also my first post, so expect the quality to be the lowest I'll ever make!
Context
Marvel Studio's X-Men movies form a singular universe, as do their comics. However, many comics were written with alternate timelines. For Logan, Marvel riffed off "Old Man Logan". The stories are not much alike, but one thing is entirely the same: this stuff is dark and bleak.
No-spoilers synopsys
Logan is not doing so well, in fact, he's doing pretty shit. Not as bad as basically every other mutant; they're all dead. Those that aren't are also doing pretty shit. He hangs out on the Mexican border taxi-driving a limousine, because this future is so bleak that job still exists. Even though he's old and tired, trouble still finds him and forces him to do stuff he hardly wants to do for the sake of hope of a better future.
Pre-watch recommendation
People that like this movie enjoy seeing X-Men in a reality that's not all jumping and action sequences. The bitter and dark harshness of this movie, it's remorselessness, is something unprecedented in superhero movies. So grim, is this world, that idealism itself seems discredited.
It's more realistic in many ways. There's no magical escapes, no deus-ex-machina. Nobody's invulnerable in this movie. Not even The Wolverine.
Recap and Comments (full spoiler)
The movie has a couple of clear acts:
- Introduction
- Trouble finding Logan
- Running from Trouble
- Lame final battle
Introduction
Logan somehow became a limo-taxi-driver on the edge of Mexico. Some gangsters fight him and he cannot resist well. He painfully and slowly extends his claws, and cuts a few of them up. The bullets hurt him for hours and hours afterwards. He seems almost to be dying.
It should be noted that anyplace that has gangsters, should have better business for Logan. It is entirely illogical besides, that taxi driving would be a thing.
He is nagged over his recovery by his homeboy, an annoying blue and wimpy psychic mutant that can detect mutants. His nagging centers around how much it hurt when Xavier had another psychic seizure. Xavier turns out to have a little metal dome where he can vegetate doped out on some drugs that are apparently expensive for Logan. Logan is saving up to leave for Mexico, so he's skimping on the dosages. Xavier does not want the drugs, the sleeping, in part because he's been in that dome for perhaps decades.
This was Xavier's fate since he did his little "murder all non-mutants" bit. I think the movie was actually pretty great up to this point. The limo story was horrible. The idea that Logan can't arrange some cashflow sucks. But those two come together to somehow keep them away from Mexico? I didn't get what kept them, but perhaps a Trump style Great Wall and border patrol.
Trouble finding Logan
There's this crazy lady that knows Logan as Wolverine so he's like "fuck no not this shit". Then there's this guy that seems based off the Deus Ex (game) main character: cyborg head of security for a mayor firm, doing things in shady style. Even if stolen, the character was cool. Logan was still avoiding trouble so he hated that.
The woman had this kid that was based off Logan's DNA. She's very stolen from Kickass's main girl. Fierce fighter and tough chick that can hold her own. She even drives later on! She fits neatly in Superherodom's obessions with Lolicon. Sort of disgusting, sort of cute. A tired meme either way. I guess pedo's need fanservice too. She was well acted, but maybe that was only because the character was so hollow. She speaks mostly Mexican.
Seeing as how the little kid could fight really well, Logan was like "uuh ok.", but didn't want to take her all the way up to North Dakota where a bunch of other clone-kids would supposedly gather. The woman died because of Security Guy. There's a whole basket of ethical questions offered, and Logan just refused to engage, then the movie quickly continued. Whatever, right?
Once at home Security Guy fucks everything up and even captures Blue Guy. It was messy. Security Guy turns out to be a total moron.
By this point the movie had mostly broken down in writing quality. It had stellar performances, and visuals. The story allowed for a lot of fun little segments.
Running from Trouble
Somehow, when forced, the limo was actually totally enough to go south. The road there was marred by automatic trucks that rolled their way straight out of "I, Robot". They gave a hugely unwelcome feel to normal driving. This was totally mindblowing: how could they be so stupid to acknowledge automatic driving, but still have taxies? Simply mad.
As if the trucks weren't "I, Robot" enough -- THEY TURNED AGRESSIVE! Unlike in I, Robot, the visual style was confusing rather than cool. It was not very clear what the autotrucks were even doing - especially since they didn't murder Logan. Instead they drove a horse-transport off the road.
They were in a world of hurt because the horsies went everywhere, and do-good-Xavier wanted to help out. Logan was like "sure man". Fortunately the aggressive autotrucks just, like, left? Xavier used some psychic powers (WHAAAT HE STILL HAS POWERS) and made the horsesies really nice.
The family that was transporting these horsies alltogether for no apparent reason invited them over. Xavier thought the experience of a home would be good for Logan. Completely ignoring their entire situation - they just go there. I just cannot imagine what they must've been thinking. Xavier insisted, you know?
This guy has a water pump somewhere, that keeps being sabotaged by a couple of guys that just want to shoot him. Apparently the pump is on their property, but he's legally allowed to go there. This segment seems a critique on the ineffectiveness of law, and how a bunch of assholes can just be assholes. Logan attacks them ofc.
Once at home Security Guy foudn them, using Blue Guy as well, and sends ANOTHER LOGAN CLONE that was the same age (because they DID solve that problem!) but really stupid and slow. Yeah. Seriously. He then proceeds to plainly murder Xavier. That's it. Really lame death. I suppose that's poetic in this movie - to take something beautiful and shit on it.
The writers were sitting around in their writeyplace, smoking a good fat spliff, and were like "You know what would make us real edgelords? Take a great character and murder him in a totally unworthy way. LOL!" and they did. I thought it was cool and edgy for a minute until I realized it was just a shitty death sequence, and the only value came from previous X-Men movies. Xavier was pretty much wheelchair grandpa anyway - so this didn't affect the movie.
The battles here were poorly lit, and pretty nonsensical. They looked okay. Little girl saves the day because Logan is an old man and pretty much gets murdered.
Lame Final Battle
Logan and the little girl make it all the way to the special meeting place, and it has a neat "Lord of the Flies" vibe. Next day was deadline day (wow so lucky!) - after which the kids will move across the border to Canada where they got asylum. (Because Canada is still a great place somehow)
NOTE: they drove from "Blue Guy capture" until dusk, then left in the middle of the night and drove until what looked like afternoon. That makes over 10 hours. At good speed. They were not close to the Mexican border.
Logan was pretty much dead by the time he arrived, not healing and all. Luckily they have magic elixir from CloneCorp that restores his powers for about an hour. They even left him some for next morning with a note "NOT ALL AT ONCE".
Logan wakes up in the morning, the kids already left, with the Security Guy's guys moving in by truck. He, ignoring all pharmacology and sanity, injects all the funny stuff. To the spliffed-up writers this is what tough guys do. They take too much drugs. It's so cool to overdose, you know?
Logan does not jitter and die, or throw up and feels sick, or dies of heart attack. He only heals real fast, and gets so much energy you'd think it was Speed. The writers do not really know anything about pharmacology - so that's just how it works. Mutant Powerbooster also makes you feel hyper.
He runs over to the kids who were doing a pretty shit job at fighting the SecGuys. The SecGuys don't have appropriate gear for grabbing children, and are not authorized to kill but still try? It was a shitty mess.
It was revealed that Adamantium gave Logan something like cancer - but it's called "Adamantium poisoning" - by Stryker's son whom became Stryker V2. What a way to cheat killing off characters right? This also reminds of Iron Man's unrelated metal poisoning. Makes you feel sad for the little girl that already has Adamantium.
How does she even have Adamantium when she's not fully grown yet? Metal bones don't exactly grow, you know?
Logan took all the Mutant Powerbooster, and too early because he still had to run there, so he has no more Mutant Powerbooster becomes useless and dies after saving the kids. They bury him because CloneCorp taught these kids manners.
The kids then escape to Canada, and nobody will ever know what becomes of them. My guess is they were sold back to the US through corrupt channels.
Conclusion
I can see why many people like this new twist on Marvel's superhero's. Logan actually suffering instead of meaninglessly suffering mostly from angst was great.
The visuals were, as always with Marvel, stunningly fantastic. This completely rescues the viewing experience. It was very enjoyable to watch.
For me, however, it did not remotely compensate for inconsistencies with canon, but especially internally. I understand that this style of writing is new for Hollywood - but it's not actually new. It's no excuse.
Xavier's storyline was amazing in it's intensity, but was ultimately an unworthy homage.
I am happy to have seen the movie, but despite it's unique style and fantastic visual execution, I think the story really stinks. I'd like to call it a rough diamond, but it's a polished turd at the same time.
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