Expulsion of Anxiety

Every now and then, anxiety levels reach such a peak at which one feels incapacitated. In not knowing how to handle that gravity, I pulled out some paper and crushed a blackberry into a pulp in a shot glass. I took a paint brush and used it to drip, splatter, and effectively emote my way around the page. Once the juice dried, I grabbed my favorite fine point black pen and I began to scribble.

You see, I had grown up alongside someone who put me up on a pedestal. He told me lovely things, and he made me believe that I was ultimately irreplaceable- until I came to realize that his words had been empty all along. Given that I had believed every syllable for over ten years, this revelation came at a hefty cost to my mental health. If he wasn't sincere, then was I truly as great as he said I was?

I couldn't just crawl into a hole, no. Life goes on. So I did my very best to express myself at a time when words and realism had failed me. I painted abstractly, and as such I effectively expulsed a great deal of anxiousness, uncertainty, and grief.

In this piece, I regained my sense of self. I realized that I was in fact worth every bit as much as I had previously believed, without any association to this individual's opinion. My worth does not come from others, it comes from me.

I stood up on my own.

-Your Dear Elle