Last minute I decided to enter in holoz0r Art contest as a tribute to @Lauralemons
The Theme was darkness.
The first thing that came to mind when I thought of this theme. Is my personal struggle with being suicidal back in the day. And how the last time I tried to kill myself, (obviously failing) Scared me so much, That I didn't want to do it ever again.
When the blindness set in, from the massive overdose of allergy medicine I took. The feeling was horrible. And I realized that as I was occasionally going in and out of consciousness. That there was a chance that I may never wake up. That this was something self-inflicted. And I wanted to take it back so much. For a split moment, the whole thing seemed like a great idea. I thought for sure that taking every pill from the massive bottle would be a for-sure done deal that I would die.
I didn't cut myself that day as a way to die. That's why the cuts are horizontal. But it was my constant addiction. The one thing I went to when I was dealing with anger, Stress, Or an unbearable sadness.
Cutting myself somehow made me feel better.
I felt stronger.
I was afraid to post this
Here you guys see my blogs, I'm usually upbeat and positive. I rarely talk about some of the darkest moments of my life. But oddly my art style is very dark. I love to rip those dark feelings from my body and put them on canvas for all to see.
This dark place is where I came from, to become the person I am today.
The Themes Behind the Painting
I will go into vivid detail on what each element of my painting represents. Because everything is placed there for a reason.
Here are some beginning stages of the painting.
This was done with Acrylic Paint on Canvas board
Outline
Adding Black to The background
Adding Detail To The face
Working The eyes
Fixing the Lips
Adding The Pills
Being positive and upbeat doesn't always mean someone is/has been happy. 10 years with on and off depression, let downs throughout life and emotionally tormenting myself as a dark way to feel better has taught me this.
Sorry to hear you went through so a tough time back then :(
The painting shows all the emotion and pain that you are expressing from what has been in your life and it helps show people that not everyone gets to experience a great life, or go through it swimmingly!
I sure hope it is a lot different now and you really are getting much happier and feeling better about life like I am! :)
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Don't be afraid to post such things. Thank you so much for your genuine and heart felt entry.
For those that still want to participate in my competition, you can read more about it here. There's still 48 hours left to enter.
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Such a great post. Your an incredible artist! I absolutely love your work. It's also incredibly brave of you to speak out on such a hard topic. I have suffered from severe depression for a long time, i have tried different medication and therapy. But what helps me the most is reading things like this, from someone who truly knows what real despair feels like and how sometimes it feels like there is only one solution. Things get better for sure, but in the depths of a depressive cycle it can be so hard to find the light again. Thank you for posting this, you are honestly really helping people who can relate to those feelings. And like i said before, absolutely great art!
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OMG XD
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You're welcome; again 😂😂
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LOL XD She's flapping her jacket XD
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I love your art. Sorry to hear about your past. Do you still feel like this?
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Thank you :) No I don't! I am doing much better now, and I've found better ways to cope :)
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That's good to hear. I wish you all the best and that you never feel this way anymore.
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Fantastic piece of art, showing how you made it is a great bonus.
But let me mention something more serious.
Any post about suicide is quite disturbing, and as seen in the comments, sets off a discussion on it.
Have you ever heard of a Navy Seal or a tough Marine taking his own life? Very rare, isn't it?
Have never heard of one actually. Anyone who knows an example please don't link to the news, that's not the point.
Committing suicide is giving up. So don't give up. Teach others not to give up. Spread the message to never ever give up. Because it is too easy to give up, and much tougher to fight till the end.
I know people who have fought in wars for many years but never gave up. I have family who fought bravely against cancer for several years and never gave up, and actually led normal happy lives until the cancer devoured them.
No, never give up. Set an example by fighting it out and never giving up.
After reading your posts, I think you're doing great. You're already brave and successful @kaylinart and seen as a community leader on Steemit, build yourself to be a role model of someone who is always courageous and strong.
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Thank you so much for your kind words! When I think of it it does seem like Navy seals and Marines, Haven't gone that fair. and It's important to not give up, But I do understand that sometimes people get weak and are in too much pain it's too hard to continue. Thats the terrible thing about it, Is sometimes it seems like a wonderful idea for a minute, Then it's too late.
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Wow... that's powerful Kaylin; and very personal and very intimate. Yes, you're very courageous for sharing this.
::: pause :::
Ultimately, the reason I didn't ever go through with it was that I was really afraid I'd screw it up somehow... and instead of ending the pain, instead I'd end up in a wheelchair, in a semi-vegetative state, forced to view the rest of my life, screaming inside but powerless.
I'm glad you didn't succeed... the world is a better place because you are in it.
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I think it was very courageous of you to share this very personal thing you've been through. I think being able to talk openly about those rough moments is a plus for everyone. I'm glad to read you don't ever feel like this anymore.
:)
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Thank you :) Heheh I'm glad too! It was a really hard part of my life to deal with. Thank you for your nice comment hehe.
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Most of the time the dark moments are just that...moments. Suicide is a permanent solution to what, in most instances, is a temporary problem.
Those dark feelings can dissipate by talking about them. This requires a good listener. Not everyone has art as an outlet. Sometimes talking can be all it takes, so all of us should be attentive to the moods of our friends, family, coworkers, and not be afraid to ask how they are feeling. It can be scary when they respond that they are contemplating suicide but having that outlet can help them. Stay with that person and get them help if you can't do it on your own. Look out for one another, you never know when you might need the help.
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Thankyou for being so transparent and vulnerable with us.. strangely I feel more connected to you after reading this. We have more in common then you think :/ I know all to well about the horizontal vs straight ahead .. in high school I was on numerous anti depressants and mood stabilizers which turned me into a suicidal zombie. Thank god it's just a memory today and I'm surviving for my passions and dreams. I'm beyond happy to know your alive and creating but not only that, your making the best out of your life. If you ever EVER feel shaky again do NOT hesitate to message me !! My name is the same on chat and discord. In dark times it's really easy to isolate and not have the simple conversation we need.You have too much to offer this world. I'm grateful your here .. btw your painting is freakin dopeeeee!
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Do not do something stupid, in every problem there must be a cause, so how can I paint your beautiful face letting you laugh
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I wont! haha
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LOL what??? XD
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Very nice painting @kaylinart, is this a zombie hahaha.
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Kind of? Hahhaha Thanks
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Wow, very scary, it's like a dracula who just sucked blood. Nice painting @kaylinart.
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Thank you hehe :)
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The darkness is as much part of us as the light, and I am glad you express that through your beautiful painting.
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Thank you and it's so true! It really is.
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I like that you found a creative outlet for yourself, and Im glad you had the courage to write this. A couple of months ago, my best friend tried. When I went to visit him in the hosipital he told me that he immediately regretted his choice. Sucide is permanent and there's no going back. You seem to have a good mind about this, thank you for sharing your awesome art as well c:
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Thank you :)
Thats really sad :( Its really scary to think many people pass the point of no return :(
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It really is. I like to think that when we all hit our "rock bottom" the only way from there is up. I'm happy that you failed, you came back a lot stronger and can helpspread the message that it isn't exactly an ideal situation to persue self-harm
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Wow! That is intense! Your painting evokes emotion. Very nice artwork!
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Thank you so much :) Thats the result I went for.
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Proof that we never know someone else's struggles unless they decide to share them with us. Thanks for being brave enough to share this. Thanks for making it through too and inspiring many of us here! <3
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Aww I'm so glad :) It's true :) I'm glad that Steemit has such awesome people that I feel okay sharing something like that.
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And you seem to be doing really well for yourself now. Happy, productive, smart... Great artwork!
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I am doing much better :) Thank you.
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Oh dear @kaylinart
Nice painting as usual and happy for you that u decided not to go back to suicidal thoughts and u came out with ur talented personality now
Courageous post
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Thank you so much :) I'm glad too
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Wow
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What a art i always love artist but i am not an artist you are too good
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WOW......! Great post @kaylinart all picture are beautiful drawing and wonderful painting.amazing art colours ,i also like it thanks for very good art share. upvoted and following for for updates.....
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This post has been ranked within the top 50 most undervalued posts in the first half of Sep 28. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $23.00 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.
See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Sep 28 - Part I. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.
If you are the author and would prefer not to receive these comments, simply reply "Stop" to this comment.
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Thank you :)
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WOW Kaylin UPVOTED REESTEMED and AMAZING
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danger Art @kaylinart/
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It's important to share our darkness so that others can see we've survived and are not alone. I am so glad you're still here.
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Congratulations @kaylinart!
This post has made it through to the second round of the Laura Lemons Tribute Art Award, run by @holoz0r.
The new theme for the second round is "hope", and you can read more here.
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This post received a 1.6% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @kaylinart! To learn more, check out @randowhale 101 - Everything You Need to Know!
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