Ask and You Shall Receive

Ask and you shall receive. Is it really that simple?

There are two parts to this, the asking and the receiving. We can also take two perspectives on this question, one mystical or philosophical and the other, the activities of the mundane world, personal relationships, business ect. What ever prism you want look at this through, the principle remains the same. 

Firstly you have to know what you are asking for. Having no clear desire or outcome will either get you nothing, something detrimental, half useful, or if you are really lucky, something you might actually like, making it a bit of a lucky dip. Decisiveness is the first step.

Knowing how to ask for something is an artform in itself. Your request has to be formulated and presented in a manner that it will be well received by the other party. Again, mystical and mundane have their methods of request to optimise the best resulting outcome. On the mystical route, there is meditation, ritual and prayer. Countless religions since time immemorial have used codified methods of supplication to the unseen powers that drive the universe. The mundane world no less has its own prescribed methodologies eliciting best results. Courtship before the relationship starts, business formalities, everywhere, there are correct or easier ways to get things to happen. In recent years science and psychology has turned its lenses upon these processes. Psychologist and author, Robert Cialdini, published his studies in the book "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion", identifying six principles (later revised to seven) of persuasion that are used by all people worldwide, regardless of culture. Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, in his book, "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It", takes you through the intricacies how asking for what you want in tricky situations.

The receiving part is not so straight forward as it would first seem. Of course all of the previous has to be in order or you may end up with something that you do not want. Here I will add a favourite saying of mine, "Careful what you wish for, you might just get it." Sometimes that thing you asked for might turn up in abundance, and you can not send it back or undo it.

This is where the Buddhists train to be mindful and live in right action (Dharma). So much misery is caused by not paying attention to what we are thinking or doing, and thus we live the consequences.

Thus, receiving is dealing with consequences of thoughts and actions, our request, conscious or unconscious.

Gratitude is a word you might hear tossed around alternative circles this days. But it often comes off as an empty mantra. Gratitude is not something you can force or fake. It comes from a sense of inner peace, a contentedness with the outcome, of how things are now in this moment.

Part of the problem with gratitude is that it is often something that expected from the party that gives.  The bigger the perceived value of the thing given, the bigger the expectation of what is given in return, and also importantly how it is returned. This is a topic that Cialdini studied in detail, and termed reciprocity. 

How that gratitude is expressed, usually follows standards of a particular culture. American culture will loudly proclaim, I'm so honoured, I'm so grateful to the point it seems like an exaggeration to other cultures. If we go to the other extreme, in Japan, it is considered polite not to open a gift in the presence of the giver, lest you insult them with your response.

Now in the world of business, gratitude is usually solved by a payment. But of course, it becomes trickier the bigger the deal is. Therefore we come up with detailed contracts (written agreements) to clarify the expectations for both giver and receiver. Clear communication is always key to a good transaction.

The same of course follows for relationships. How much drama, tears and heartbreak could have been averted with clearer communication from all sides about expectations.

Again even on the receiving end, we meet our old friend intent.

So again I will repeat, careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

34x24cm, pastel pencil on paper

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