To hell and back again

It's been a rough couple of weeks. As I have mentioned earlier, we have a 7 year old son that was diagnosed with ASD. On most days I forget that he has this . . . uniqueness.
However, there are those other days that remind me exactly how unique he truly is. These days are particularly rough.
It has been a while since we've had an episode. So I knew, when it hit (it's typically not if but always when) it was going to be particularly nasty.
It was the week of the super moon. I can't even remember really what week that was. I want to say the last week of November maybe. Perhaps it was the first week in December. Heck, I don't remember.
Full moons always have quite the affect on our little guy. He's typically always happy go lucky but sometimes, his moods can shift.

I could tell as soon as he got home from school it was going to be one of THOSE nights, and it was. After 3 baths, a shattered dinner plate, screaming, tears, scratch marks up and down my arms, he finally went to bed. It was tough. Just a few more days and it will be smooth sailing. Right?!
Wrong!!!!
The week progressed and things got worse, but it wasn't only at home, but at school as well. He wasn't wanting to be in the classroom--something that is very out of character for him. He was emotional and very clingy. He was also having disciplinary issues.
Friday rolls around and his emotional rollercoaster has left me feeling like I was dangling off the top of the rollercoaster hanging on by a thread. I was in tears--something I rarely do. His temper, emotions and attitude were all over the place. It was at this point that I knew SOMETHING was not right. Something had triggered this, and it wasn't just the full moon.
I was talking to his aid--a wonderful woman who has been a blessing to us--and she deduced the same thing I did. Something just wasn't right. Our baby is the sweetest, kindest and funniest child I know. His smile alone is enough to put just about anyone in a good mood. When he's upset, it's serious.
Now, in case you don't know much about children with ASD, communication isn't always easy for them. Our son is verbal but in a lot of instances, they aren't. Even if they are verbal, they don't always understand how to vocalize or tell you what is wrong. This is what was happening. Something was bothering him, but we couldn't figure out what.
His aid and I proceeded to pick apart every hour of every day, searching for a reason behind his behavior.
Finally, something clicked.
"You know, he said Ms. M go doctor. She's with Jesus now!" his aid said suddenly.
One by one the puzzle pieces began to click into place and as each piece fit together my heart broke.
On November 8th I had to take our 8month old lab to the vet "the doctor" and leave him. Unfortunately, he passed away when he was there. So we had to tell our son that Hercules is with Jesus now.
Ahhhh, you all see where I'm going with this right?
Well, Ms. M had a surgery over Thanksgiving break and wouldn't return to school until after Christmas vacation. The class knew she went to the doctor, but when she didn't come back, my baby thought she'd passed away.
It was why he no longer wanted to spend time in the classroom.
It was why his mood swings were erratic.
It was why he was angery.
It was why he would suddenly burst into tears without warning.
It was why he screamed.
It was why he broke things.
It was why my heart broke for him. My sweet, sweet baby thought that his beloved teacher had passed away and wasn't coming back. He didn't understand because she simply wasn't there anymore.
Thankfully, the sweet angel of a teacher called him the following Monday morning. His aid said his face lit up into the brightest smile. She then came in a few days later and had lunch with him.
Everything has returned back to normal--> whatever that means.
But the most helpless I have ever felt was watching my son go through something with no way of expressing or understanding what he was going through. Watching him go through all of that and not being able to help him is my very definition of hell.