My apologies right up front to anyone who finds themselves the subject of my blog. And I offer up a not sorry to anyone who shouldn't have said what they said or did what they did to get themselves written about here.
I think I just turned this first entry of mine into a disclaimer!
I don't believe it is in my best interest to let people take advantage of me. And I don't have the strength to stop myself from letting them know that I'm not going to participate. It's a gift and a curse. There's something very fierce in me that protects me.
There are so many examples in my life of how I have stood up for myself that it's almost embarrassing. Were I the kind of person who could embarrass herself to a point that it would stick. Embarrassment doesn't stick to me too well. I've had too many saves in my life from embarrassing myself to allow those moments to stop me from doing them. I see great importance in making yourself be brave and look the fool. Here's the first one I ever remember.
That time that neighborhood girl (aka "Mary") invited me over.
When I was about 10, a neighborhood girl that I wasn't that close to, called me over to play. I accepted the invitation.
I walked down the four houses to where she lived and knocked on the side door. She opened it and lead me to the den, just off of the kitchen. Then she said she'd be right back.
A moment later her older brother came into the den and sat down on the couch, pretty close to me. He was at least 5 years older than me.
I felt creeped out immediately. He moved closer and told me he always liked me.
Here's the thing about me, I've got incredibly strong you-are-a-creep senses.
"Mary!" I yelled. "Where are you?"
Her brother tried to calm me down and told me that Karen wasn't feeling well so went to bed.
"Got to go!" I yelled as I ran out of the den, out of the kitchen, out of the side door, and down the four houses to our house.
I still have nightmares about that den. That den was a bad place.
What did that asshole have in mind?
"Mary's" parents still live four houses from my mom.
I heard that that brother of hers did some time in prison for rape. I heard that she may have been a victim.
I'm not sure of the facts but I would not be surprised.
So many examples of having to protect myself while being labeled a "bitch." I've got so many stories to tell you all about how I stood up for myself when my intuition told me I had to! I'll be back!