Morning.
Again.
I woke up feeling drained and completely demotivated. I closed my eyes to a dream, only to open them to a nightmare, my own life. I sat down on the edge of my wooden bed with my head in between my knees, thinking about the life I was building but I never wanted. I was thinking about the life I was expected to have. I envisioned it once more and I felt an objection growing within me once again. I kept on sitting, knowing that I will be late for work but I truly didn’t care. I needed this little act of rebellion. It was a proof to me that I haven’t given up yet. I left the house and continued to convince myself that this is my life and I cannot change it. I lied. I was good at lying.
NO.
I was great at lying.
I came back home from work and felt the same as though I never left my bed in the morning. I knew that I didn’t make any kind of progress. I was wasting time only because I was overly scared to make a change. I was terrified of the consequences my decisions may throw onto my path. I was always a brave coward. THE BRAVEST OF ALL THE COWARDS.
I couldn’t sleep that night, another failure to escape my reality. My thoughts were racing with each other. It was a battle that I faced everyday. I was sick and tired of it.
I went outside into a cold night. I walked for hours without thinking of where I wanted to be. In fact I don’t think I wanted to be at all. It was that night that I opened my eyes for the first time in a very long time. I realised that whatever I was afraid of, won’t ever be equal to what I was trying to run away from. I rushed home to open my laptop and type in words that were about to change my life; the words that were about to change me. So i typed Costa Rica, flight September and booked the first flight available. I bought myself a ticket, I bought myself a chance. I bought myself a new life.