Just when you think you understand modern dating phrases, another one appears. This is the "benching relationship". Where did the expression come from? This means "putting someone on the bench" in sports, suggesting they are not good enough.
Thus, you must sit on the bench until the good players leave. You play as a substitute and the game is your date. How can you discern a benching date? Examine benching friendship together.
Not loving but not being pals... Their appearance and disappearance are sudden. This is benching, not ghosting. They unexpectedly invite you. You wonder 'Why would they invite me if they didn't love me?' and then blame yourself when they disappear, but it's benching.
After leaving, they send a message and the procedure restarts. You get another second-round invite. A little deceptive, selfish. Actually, you allowed this. Not pals, not lovers. They may say, 'I am terrified of relationships.' They inspire hope without limits. They may be on the bench waiting for you.
Everyone has busy, difficult days. However, a busy relationship partner shouldn't make the other person wait. They should consider the other person's life. They should either admit their busyness or sacrifice.
Late-night messages may indicate that he thinks about you last before bed. However, only communicating at odd hours seems suspect. It shows he only thinks of you when he's lonely or bored, not when life is normal.
If he was acting like a love butterfly 30 minutes ago and then turned to the fridge for no reason, there may be a background issue.
If he likes you, he'll want to be in touch and involved in your life. Not communicating for days or weeks and then disappearing again indicates he is 'on the bench'.
Suddenly appearing is different from disappearing and ignoring. The primary player is likely out... He/she will try to make you accept this as usual, but don't. Communication like this is unhealthy.
Hot-cold behaviours, going-coming-back, and ignoring are normal when people don't comprehend each other's lives. Indeed, they want "to keep you hanging until someone better comes along."
This means they don't want to talk, not that they're busy. They will still talk to you, but after 3-4 hours they will be insincere.
He should keep his alternatives open. Because the real player is unknown until the selection is taken, he will compile a list of the greatest options and never make any future guarantees.
He will arrange a fun weekend with you until a better offer comes along. He will cancel the plan at the last minute with a phoney explanation that he doesn't care about your plans or postponements since he only thinks about himself.