I hold on to this promise even before I came to know about this. If I could touch God's hand then I can surely say life is complete. I kept saying this since I was a child. I don't know to whom or why did I thought about this. It just came on to me like it is the best thing and the coolest thing to do ever. And so I did. Well all I did was hope for it, like wait for it. Hearing mass, going to church like normal people do. But many years have passed by and still I am no where close. The dream was so far off. So far off that I at one point said to myself, there is no God. Or if there is then he probably hate me. I went hot and cold with LORD for many years. And a reflection of that is my hot and cold life. Happy in the morning and utterly miserable at night. It goes on for many, many years without me putting much effort of truly understanding them.
It has put me now to where I am where I want to complain but I can't really complain. Truly, we are all free to do whatever we want but we can't choose the consequences of them. Suffer must I until I have reach rock bottom and two miles beyond. Almost to the abyss of nothingness and to Satan's den. It was ugly there. Uglier than my friends face. It was a storm I can't fathom.
In that storm, in the middle of it the rain suddenly stopped. I felt peace that I have never known before. EVER. The rain stopped then come the tears in my eyes. Tears kept pouring as I see myself wretched as I am. As nothing as I can be. Yet stood there was Jesus. Meeting me half way. Well, really I was lead by The Father. I have no part in it only that I believed.
All in all, when I seek God and see Him as He is, everything falls into place. My everything is in place in God.