BITCOIN COMEDY

Bitcoin changes lives....it has changed mine. After thirty years of real estate appraisals, I am hitting the road as a bitcoin comedian. I have been addicted to bitcoin since the $650 price in 2014. After all the research....all the videos....all the meet ups.....there is just too much comedy on the table.....so much so that the dinner must be served.
I have never been on stage, but I am ready......I have been leading to this my whole life. Years ago...around 1989 or 1990, one of the appraisers in the office said he thought I was like Seinfeld.......I said who is that? I had never seen the show. So I watched a couple shows but did not really care for it. But then i saw 'The Contest" and I was hooked. I realized after watching the show for a few years that I was like the show....not like Seinfeld.......I was even better, an observational humorist like Seinfeld, with the characteristics of George(really Larry David). I was a Methodist version of Larry David. My whole life was a Seinfeld episode. My ex wife spent all my money on so many gifts that she gave as if she worked for the money.....my life was the Big Salad. Speaking of salad, I care about important things like "Whats up with the iceberg lettuce dis" There was a restaurant here in Brewster called The Tower that had the best salad I had ever tasted.......so many types of lettuce, great croutons, great ranch dressing, cukes, tomatoes......all it needed was a little iceberg. I'm not sure what is up with iceberg lettuce but you cant get it anywhere........If I get a sandwich I want some nice iceberg for a little crunch....but everybody puts some limp dark green lettuce in there because it is so classy....classy but no crunch. We treat iceberg lettuce worse than we treated blacks in the 1960's....no respect at all. Anyway, I was determined to have the perfect salad, so I bought some iceberg lettuce, put some in a bag and went to the restaurant......when the waitress wasn't looking I added it to the salad. I'm not sure why perfection makes me teary eyed but the salad was perfect and I was so happy I cried. In addition to this George like behavior I had also rushed to the restaurant as they had half portion half price if you arrived before 6. We got there 30 seconds before 6 but didn't sit down till 6:01 and that ...like George would have felt.......made me nervous...as nervous as a Roger Ver in a US court. The point though is my whole life has been a Seinfeld episode. So much so that when Seinfeld was going off the air I entered a contest at the Cape Cod Times for what the final show should be....mine was much better than the shows final. In my version, Newman ran over Kramers foot with the postal truck, Kramer sues because he has a limp, he lost his unique gait, his money maker and retires to a tropical island a rich man. Newman, disgruntled, goes on a rampage and is shot to death on top of the Drakes Coffee Cake building. Puddy gets Newman's job but Elaine is worried as Puddy 's eyesight has been getting worse and he is too vain to wear glasses. Elaine and Puddy to wed. George feels like the amount spent on the wedding gift should be based on probable marriage length, so puts a ten dollar bill in his wallet and Jerry and George drive to get gift. Puddy is squinting at some old lady thinking she looks like a hot woman and not paying attention to the road he crashes into George and Jerry and they are all killed. In heaven George is pretty happy, he is talking to Marilyn Monroe expressing surprise she was there and tells her " in life I was an architect".........Jerry pulls him aside and scolds him "We cant lie now, were in heaven" George says "quiet Jerry, don't u see, Iv'e got hair Jerry, hair!!!!!"......they walk to God, viewed from behind at a desk a la Steinbrenner. They ask what was the meaning of life and God starts to ramble on that "it's about nothing Jerry, nothing at all". I put that on The Curb Your Entusiasm blog years later and someone I think used some of that in a final episode of Curb except with Larry in heaven with hair meeting Marilyn....and just like with my ex....no credit...the big salad strikes again...........but all this is just background.....the bitcoin world is now mine for the comedy taking....who can resist all the easy targets....I am ready to hit the stage and talk about Bitcoin.
You know how everyone asks their friends at least once how many times they play with themselves. And it seems like 4 out of ten never do...never even once....hard to buy. In Bitcoin the big lie is " I don't look at the price everyday"....,,,sure..........and I love the bitcoin famous...but wouldn't it be great to see them change place for the day with the real famous people, the actors? I can see Andreas Antonopoulos as Eddie and Marc Andreessen as Uncle Fester in a remake of the Munsters. In fact, please let me write the skit on SNL when Mark is the pizza delivery guy and shows up at the Coneheads house......Akroyd answers the door with in his conehead outfit....Andreessen is seen with his normal, strikingly similar head ,....cue the music from the three way face off in the Good, The Bad and the Ugly as they eye each other up........"10,.000 satoshi sais Mark"......as they both slowly draw their i phones and scan QR codes......really can i please see that....I am in tears imagining it. And Roger Ver.....he has to be the alien in Bugs Bunny...Ill blast you with my ray gun....that little bunny makes me so Angry!!!!! Roger Ver is angry....and wound tight. I'd like to see him as Alex Trebek, not because he looks like him, but because I think Roger would enjoy saying...."No... No... Sorry" when they get the answers wrong. In fact I can see a Jeopardy category...ANGRY BITCOINERS "I'll take angry bitcoiners for 200".....".this man"....buzzer..."who is roger ver ill take angry bitcoiners for $400"....".He"....buzzer, who is Roger Ver"....in fact every answer is Roger Ver. I love him but he has got to lighten up. Balagi Scinivasan could be a fast talker on Seinfeld...who talks faster than him...or he could remake Slumdog Millionaire because he really does know all the answers..... Mike Hearn....Crying Game.....David Seamen, Revenge of the Nerds....By the way, does David have running water? He sure can look greasy. And thanks David for the Hyper recommendation, I really did great on that......the only crypto to go down as much as bitcoin has gone up.........

And whats up with Shape Shift....the fastest way to trade....are you kidding? Seems like it takes forever....How about I send it and it gets there....like right away........I guess we are spoiled..."dam, it took 3 minutes for my brother in law in Moscow to get his bitcoin"...what a bother....
Let me hit the stage to talk about Ripple.....wow....that will be fun. Can you imagine the typical Ripple guy who quit his job to work at Ripple!!!!! "Honey, this is going to be great...sometimes these currencies go up 100% in one day....one day!!!!!!" So for three years now, he comes home, his wife sais " wow i see STORJ went up 30% today how is XRP........what? unchanged again???..The next day he comes home and Dash doubled......"wow honey what did XRP do....what again nothing???? Everyday for years....no change....there must be more lexapro per square inch at Ripple than anywhere in the world. And I could talk a few minutes on Tim Drapers eyebrows...one of the most wealthy people in the world but can he spend a dollar on trimming that down..he is heading towards Andy Rooney ville. He could let Bear Grylls ties some dental floss around those things and i think it would hold Bear as he repels down a steep cliff. How about Roger Ver and Blythe Masters on Naked and Afraid...Roger picks the knife and Blythe the fire starter...after one day Blythe cant be found and Roger is seen feasting on capitalist pig....he is angry you know. And we know all the Trump love from David Seamen but does anyone think he would last five minutes on THE APPRENTICE......can't u see him crying as he rides away...a little disenchanted with the Trumpster.

Bitcoin can cure every single problem known to man....I think it can even solve the Colin Kaepernick issue. Though a whitey, I come from a predominantly black family so I have been allowed to speak on this. In fact my brother-in law's father, who recently passed, was one of the Greensboro Four so my family has a good record on civil rights that I can probably take back a notch here. It was a couple years ago I said "Yo Wendel(my brother from another mother) why are yous people so upset that there are not enough black coaches when they only let about 16 white people play the game of football( I thought i had him on this....and don't worry about the yous people thing, I like to to get him focused and that seems to really do it)...he said " Steve...because it's still working for the man"....I said "Wendel....you can't be equating the head coach to being the plantation owner...the slave owner???? He said that's really how he feels. So a light came to me.....I said "Wendel, we gave the Indians gambling for reparations...what if we give yous guys prostitution".......He said, "Well to tell you the truth we already have that"......I said "no really, make it legal and only descendants of slave can have houses of ill repute....he liked it....Now with bitcoin, a percentage of all the profit can be be split with proven descendant of slaves....do it on the blockchain........so if we combine that idea and get police to ease up on the profiling....I think Bitcoin can play a part here in the reparations that end the hostilities and let everybody stand up and be proud.....the amazing power of the coin.......Oh I cant wait to hit the Bitcoin Conference circuit as standup!!!.....so much there to have fun with. Steve Backus