March 16 , 2020 1st International Apology Day

CHILDREN AND YOUTH PEACE CORNER

Proposal: International Day for Apology and Forgiveness

Posted on June 2, 2011 by kathiemm

[Note from Kathie Malley-Morrison:Today we welcome another contribution by our guest author, Dr. Majed Ashy.]
This past Memorial Day, like all Memorial days, is a good day to remember the fallen
soldiers, and an opportunity to contemplate –as individuals, communities, and
nations– ways to cultivate peace and reduce war casualties and suffering.
There are groups that have promoted the idea of an International Day of Forgiveness and a Global Day of Forgiveness.
I believe that there is an international need for an increase in education and awareness regarding apology as well as forgiveness and their roles in personal, social, and international relations.
An organization in the U.S. asked me to write a comment regarding President Obama’s speech in Cairo. In the comment I suggested the establishment of an International Day for Apology and Forgiveness. During this day, schools can discuss the roles of apology and forgiveness, do workshops on how to apologize accurately, and discuss various issues related to forgiveness.
It can be also a day for the media to present films and programs related to the topic. The United Nations and the member states might hold meetings and discussions on the roles of apology and forgiveness in world peace. States might offer apologies regarding past errors they did.
In addition, during this day, people might have the opportunity to apologize and forgive. Research showed that sometimes people are willing to apologize and forgive but they need an environment that is suitable for that–an environment that supports a peaceful mental state, and a social context that deeply understands the importance of apology and forgiveness for human progress.
Establishing such a day might contribute to such an understanding.
Majed Ashy, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Merrimack College and research fellow in psychiatry at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School

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Comments

Katie O. says:
I think that a large “International Day for Apology and Forgiveness” might be more easily attained if we begin such a day in the United States then invite other countries to participate. I think a place that would benefit from such a day would be schools. If children are our future, then let’s teach them these important lessons about apology and forgiveness. Schools are the ideal setting to begin this education.
A good example of this education comes from Carl Hobert and his organization- Axis of Hope Center for International Conflict Prevention. The organization focuses on at-risk youth especially high school students. Hobert’s main philosophy is “preventative diplomacy” which teaches students how to work together as a team to prevent conflict. The way that he utilizes preventative diplomacy as an educational tool is through Conflict Resolution Workshops. The goal of Axis of Hope is to teach students about the wars abroad and relate them to their own lives- especially relevant to those who are involved in gangs and other violence. They are assigned to act on the behalf of countries and their beliefs. The goal is to work through a conflict (they are currently using the Arab-Israeli conflict as a model) and resolve it peacefully.
Projects like Axis of Hope teach our youth how to be global citizens. If we want an International Day for Apology and Forgiveness, we need to first teach Americans about these important facets of peace and war.
See:http://www.axisofhope.org/

June 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Gold Dust Twin says:
I have been reading my old journals and realize how many times I hurt my mother, not just when I was a teenager — we all do that — but when I was a grown woman. I would like to apologize to her and ask her forgiveness, but I can’t do that because she is beyond my reach. This would be unbearably painful if it weren’t that I know with every fiber of my being that she forgave me long before she died and wouldn’t want me to grieve over the tardiness of my apology. That’s the kind of loving mom she was.
I urge everyone who reads engagingpeace.com to make peace within your families before it’s too late. Then help in any way you can to work toward world peace. Hopefully it is not too late.

June 6, 2011 at 8:49 am

Rachel Tochiki says:
I agree that a day of forgiveness is a great idea to really engage children in the concept of conflict resolution. Apology and forgiveness have not been emphasized points that children learn about in school through the lens of whole scale international conflicts. It would be a great way to introduce these concepts at varying depths, across grade levels to get all students talking about what to do after a conflict, between any two parties, including between countries after a war.
Even so, I do not think that apology and forgiveness should be reduced to just a day, where is seems that people pretend to care about the issues but really not do anything about it for the long term. But it is certainly a great place to start on a wide scale, and once people get going with apology and forgiveness, and children gain greater awareness, perhaps it will take off and become a more integral part of the peace discussion.

June 6, 2011 at 10:13 am

Judith Prueitt-Prentice says:
I had forgotten the quiet healing power of a sincere apology. I have focused on peacemaking from the active moral engagement side looking for a deeper understanding in conflict spirals, cycles of abuse, strategizing ways to combat aggressors. To find win/win solutions with those whom I must seek to empathize and treat humanely and in my noble quest for peacemaking. I lost sight of the power of forgiveness.
I am auditing Dr. Malley –Morrison’s course on the psychology of war and peace this summer. It is becoming a voyage full of an engaging class of young minds with poignant questions, captivating speakers, followed by reading of journal articles and papers written by the minds of those steamships and trawlers of the vast ocean of ethics, conflict, and discovery that makes up education.
Our first speaker Dr. Majed Ashy spoke on apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Ashy explained how the neurobiology of forgiveness produces positive changes in the brain. His research in the effects of child abuse and brain mapping has reinforced his dedication to continue his work at Amherst. The parting words from Dr. Ashy were “Look me up on the internet.” I’ve spent this morning reading and listening to his work on child abuse and forgiveness. http://www.wsradio.com/wsradio-player.cfm/type/windows/show/The-Doug-Noll-Show/segment/37595
Ashy’s lecture reminded me of the three aspects of apology that Randy Pausch spoke of in his book the Last Lecture which is roughly stated here are; 1. Say, I’m sorry. It’s the set up introducing the possibility for healing. 2. It is my fault taking responsibility for the action that has caused hurt, whether intentionally or not, admit your part honestly and truthfully. 3. Ask how the harm can be undone or forgiven and be willing to accept their reply.
I can think of no better topic to begin a study of conflict than the importance of building a bridge of apology that brings together people who have felt separated by their differences.

June 16, 2011 at 7:30 am

DeAnna Baumle says:
“I forgive you.” Three simple words, one simple sentence construction. And yet these words seem to have a power that extends far beyond mere language—a power which may not be exceeded by any other words (except, perhaps, “I love you”). Their power is shown throughout pop culture, for example when Spiderman says he forgives his once enemy the Sandman in Spiderman 3, and the Sandman is blown away into a cloud of dust, finally at peace. Or when Chris finds his wife Annie in Hell in the movie What Dreams May Come, and he says “Good people go to Hell because they can’t forgive themselves. I know I can’t. But I can forgive you.” It is only through his forgiveness of her—and her eventual forgiveness of herself with his help—that Annie can finally be free. In both of these cases, the protagonist forgave the other character only after experiencing empathy and understanding, and it was only after forgiveness that freedom could be achieved for both involved.
While these are both fictional examples, one need not look too far before finding a similar story in his or her own life (though perhaps these real-life stories lack the fantastical sandstorms and heaven/hell scenarios). Clearly forgiveness has a powerful and healing effect in personal relationships, and only through forgiveness can the best kind of reconciliation be achieved. Can forgiveness then be applied to the war-torn and hate-filled world we live in today? Does forgiveness have such power in a larger scale? History says yes—look at the conflict resolutions and reconciliations that occurred after WWII between the Allies and Germany and Japan. Not only were the countries able to live in relative peace and harmony in spite of their once hatred for each other, but the Allies actually helped rebuild those countries and thus secured alliances and friendships with them. Moreover, the citizens of those countries (for the most part) are now able to live and work together and have even become good friends.
A poignant example of the forgiveness that occurred between the countries of WWII is that of Irene Laure, a French woman who lost much at the hands of Germany during the war, but later—after exposure to German women at a convention—she was able to forgive the German people for their country’s crimes*. Irene is only one example of many who have managed to overcome seemingly irreversible hatred after war and learned to forgive. The answer is clear, then—forgiveness can and does happen at a larger scale than individual, personal relationships. Forgiveness can be a tool in the promotion of world peace, if only countries around the world could see that conflict resolution alone may not be enough—that reconciliation through forgiveness is the best course to take. Perhaps an International Day for Apology and Forgiveness can be the first step in promoting the power of forgiveness and reconciliation in world affairs–we can only know if we try.
*Irene’s story is described in detail in:
Borris, E. R. (2005). Political Forgiveness and International Affairs: Presidential Address Peace Psychology Division. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association.

June 17, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Sarah B says:
As we have all learned from an early age, arguments are not and cannot be one-sided. It is imperative that we listen to and understand the other side and the other point of view. We know that somebody doesn’t see the world through the same lens that we do, so why is it so difficult for us to accept the fact that we are not always completely in the right? It is merely human nature for us to believe that we are right and that the other is wrong. It is becoming more accepted and practiced to use forgiveness and apology as a form of reconciliation. Religion can also be an important factor in forgiveness, apology, and reconciliation. Additionally, small group workshops have proven to be effective tools as well. Through various methods, apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation can lead to an effective pathway to peace.
It is difficult and painful to listen to the other side of the story, because often we do not want to hear and accept the transgressions we have committed. It is extremely important, however, to listen and understand the other side, so that one may begin to empathize with the other. This is emphasized by James G. Blight and Janet M. Lang in Lesson Number One: “Empathize With Your Enemy” in which they discuss the role of empathy during the Cuban Missile Crisis. When one is in conflict, it is easy to see one’s side of the story and not listen to the other, however, in order to change anything, one must understand the proposition of the other and save it rather than dismiss it.
An additional example of this process is given in the book “Holy War, Holy Peace” where Marc Gopin examines different kinds of forgiveness that humans experience. It is heavily emphasized that understanding why their enemies’ behavior is so devastating will help others to recognize what human beings expect in times of reconciliation. By doing this, people can understand why their enemies find their behavior so repulsive. However, this is nearly always the most difficult and the most painful part of the reconciliation process. This is the first step in understanding the proposition rightly. This is an educational process for both sides that leads to much understanding, followed by empathy, and eventually (and hopefully) reconciliation.

June 17, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Rachel Tochiki says:
The comment De Anna made about the French woman in Borris’ article is an interesting one. She went to a conference after WWII, shocked to find that Germans were there, and her anger prevented her from being able to get the most out of the conference. And yet, it was when she happened to have lunch with a German woman, who she was able to express her anger to, that she finally gave some forgiveness.
She told the German woman the story of how she was negatively affected by the Nazis. The German woman responded by telling her own story of how she too was negatively affected by the Nazis, and her husband was killed for plotting against Hitler. But still she apologized for the suffering that the French woman had endured, and for her people not resisting Hitler enough. That was the first point to alleviating her anger against the Germans.
I am faced with this dilemma of how forgiveness is supposed to happen in the absence of an apology. It is interesting to me that she was able to find forgiveness after being apologized to by someone who did not even play a direct role in the acts of the Nazis. But any type of apology, and being able to talk to someone about her anger was still enough to help the process by having anyone there to acknowledge and apologize for the actions of the group
.
I would have thought that by having non-participatory members of the perpetrator group apologize for the actions of the perpetrators, it would seemingly only have the effect of narrowing the direction of anger; not alleviate it. This was an instance of a war, where it should be fairly reasonable to convince someone that they should not hate all members of a country on the basis of the actions of its government or military. But her story did not leave me convinced that she should ever forgive the Nazis. But it was enough for the anger to start to go away, and not having something constantly eating away at her insides can bring her more happiness and peace of mind.
Having a day of apology and forgiveness, and making it a fundamental component of social interaction can help people forgive, since forgiveness really is not only to benefit the relationship, but also to help yourself.

June 18, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Mary says:
I agree with Dr. Ashy that sometimes people are willing to apologize and forgive but that they need a suitable environment for doing so, and I think International Day for Apology and Forgiveness is a wonderful one, as long as we are careful to keep it a day dedicated to understanding these concepts and not to let it turn into a day for everyone in the world to actually apologize and/or forgive. I think having a specific day like this sort of gives people an easy way out when they feel stressed about needing to apologize and forgive, and the day would lose its meaning. I don’t mean to say that establishing a day about apology and forgiveness, as Dr. Ashy proposed, is a bad idea; quite the contrary, I think it’s a wonderful and hugely necessary idea. As Dr. Ashy said in his original post, “I believe that there is an international need for an increase in education and awareness regarding apology as well as forgiveness and their roles in personal, social, and international relations.” Any day established should accordingly be devoted to educating citizens of the world – children and adults alike – about such phenomena as peace, reconciliation, apology, forgiveness, and conflict resolution.
It shouldn’t be a day for people to wake up and automatically apologize and forgive. It’s at this point that I think a day like this becomes less a part of the process of achieving peace, and more of a Hallmark holiday. It kind of reminds me of Valentine’s Day – how meaningful are the words “I love you” when they’re said on February 14th? It’s expected that these words be exchanged, that grand romantic gestures be made, so how can you truly know if any of this “love” actually comes from the heart or just from the societal expectations surrounding the multi-billion dollar industry? Likewise, if International Day for Apology and Forgiveness is established, how do we know an apology or act of forgiveness on that day is genuine or sincere? And, if it is sincere (and it may very well be), shouldn’t people be able to apologize and forgive on any given day? It’s a slippery slope for day like this also to become a multi-billion dollar industry, characterized by cute cards that say “I’m sorry.”
I don’t think the solution to the problem of not having an environment conducive to apology and forgiveness is to create a day where that environment exists, but rather to move the world toward a state where the environment is always fit for such interactions. Are we really achieving any sort of reconciliation if we can only apologize one day out of every 365? I think we need to find a step to make it psychologically easier for people apologize and forgive on the other 364 days as well, and I think a day devoted to teaching people about the importance of apology and forgiveness may be a good way to do that (perhaps peace classes should be added to school curriculums throughout the year as well).
The suggested day of apology and forgiveness is reminiscent of Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) in the Jewish tradition. I grew up in a Reform Jewish family, and every year on one specific day, I was supposed to atone and repent. I never liked this holiday – I thought that if I had something to atone for, I should do it at the appropriate time for the specific situation, not on the tenth day of the month of Tishrei. I truly do not mean to devalue or trivialize Yom Kippur; I completely understand that it is a very important day for millions of people, and I don’t mean to say that it’s futile and it shouldn’t be important to them. I only mean to use my personal feelings toward the holiday to give context to why I say that International Day for Apology and Forgiveness doesn’t excite me but International Day for Education about Apology and Forgiveness does.

June 26, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Mary says:
I also want to respond to Rachel’s comment about not being convinced that Irene should ever forgive the Nazis. I agree with her completely; Irene’s story is moving, but I still have trouble understanding how she was truly able to forgive the Nazis. This is somewhat related to the reaction paper I wrote a few weeks ago for Professor Malley-Morrison in her class on Psychological Perspectives on War and Peace, and Professor MM has asked me to share some of my thoughts on this blog.
I was 13 the first time I went to Poland. I went on “vacation” – if you can call it that – with my family. We asked my grandfather, a Holocaust survivor from Łódż, if he would ever consider going back to Poland. His immediate response was: “Why the hell would I do that?” But he quickly changed his mind when we told him we already had a ticket for him. The trip wasn’t one of forgiveness or reconciliation for him, though. I think he largely agreed because he didn’t want the money to go to waste, but a lot of him wanted to go back and prove to everyone that, despite the way they had treated him before and during the war, he had survived (he even spitefully and sarcastically introduced himself to everyone he met as a “Christ Killer”).
After this trip, my dad and my siblings were just as bitter and unforgiving as my grandfather. I don’t blame them – we saw camp after camp, grave after grave. None of them ever went back and, as far as I know, none of them ever intends to. So when I was 16, I went back without them and lived there for the summer. This time around, my focus was less on the Holocaust and more on establishing relationships with Polish people and understanding the country as something more than a vehicle for death and destruction. My grandfather hated me for it; we stopped talking for the better part of a year and, when we finally did talk again, our conversations never lasted more than two minutes (some of this can be attributed to him becoming more sick and depressed with time, but some of it was the result of unresolved tension). He couldn’t forgive me for giving Poland a second chance. I definitely didn’t forgive the perpetrators of the Holocaust or the people in Poland who made his life hell even before the war started, but it was important to me not to blame an entire nation for what was the fatal mistake of many, but not all, citizens. As Blight and Lang (2005) point out, a certain amount of empathy for the enemy needs to exist. I can’t dehumanize Germans and Poles or say that they – as a whole – deserve punishment; given the way my postmemory of the Holocaust haunted everything I did, every language I spoke, every bite of food I ate, I needed psychologically to reach some sort of reconciliation point; I needed to know that I could go to Poland and survive.
To be sure, it was scary at times, as, for example, when I walked through the Jewish Quarter in Kraków and saw neo-Nazis rallying in the streets, weapons in hand. I lived through it, though, and I found the peaceful Poland I was looking for. Of course, I hated parts of it; for example, when I went to Auschwitz and saw people eating fast food right outside the infamous gate that says “Arbeit Macht Frei,” I was appalled. But a lot of those people were tourists, not Poles, and not Germans either. In fact, they were largely Americans. And then I would hike in the Tatra Mountains in Zakopane (absolutely the most beautiful place I’ve ever been) with extremely friendly and open-minded Polish people, and my faith in a peaceful world was restored. Then again, I didn’t experience the Holocaust; I only know what my grandfather has told me. It doesn’t surprise me that it’s much easier for me to go back and give Poland a chance.
Gibson’s (2006) article on South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission suggests that understanding past conflicts can lead to a more peaceful and democratic future, but what if the past cannot ever be understood? How can one ever really understand apartheid or the Holocaust? Gibson distinguishes between the micro-truth and the macro-truth of reconciliation. While the latter concerns the opposing groups in general, the former concerns the relationship between specific victims and perpetrators, and Gibson (2006) says that “stories about the most profoundly injured victims (or their families) granting forgiveness to their evil tormentors are the stuff of which soap operas are made” (Gibson, 2006). In the context of the Holocaust, I think this micro-truth is a bit harder to reconcile, and these stories of forgiveness are fewer and farther between. My grandfather never forgave Poland or Germany as a whole, but I think he would have been a lot more willing to do so than to reconcile with those who tortured him directly or who killed his family.
When my grandfather first came to America, he was extremely hesitant to have children. He refused for a while, convinced that his children would end up suffering at the hands of the Nazis. Eventually, my grandmother talked him into it, and I think the closest he ever came reconciliation was allowing himself to start a family, bringing two children into the world who would eventually give him seven grandchildren, and now a great-grandchild is on the way. Starting a family wasn’t an act of forgiveness or even of interpersonal reconciliation, but it was the only way he ever really reconciled the internal feelings of hatred that continued to eat away at him for 66 years.
On the macro level, Germany has offered citizenship to survivors and their descendents as a sort of peace offering, an act of reconciliation and apology. Anthony Marsella (2005) proposes world citizenship as one possible step toward building cultures of peace, understanding that it might be a bit too idealistic. All I need to do to become a German citizen is fill out some simple paperwork, but I’ve never gone through with it because I’m not really sure what it accomplishes. How does a piece of paper really reconcile anything? To be sure, it’s a nice gesture, but it doesn’t undo the fact that my grandfather and millions of others were robbed of their citizenship and humanity in the first place.
Still, I agree that forgiveness and reconciliation are both necessary and possible, but I think it’s a lot easier for scholars and people living in post-war generations to suggest it. I think it is a noble gesture for psychologists to want to take on the challenge of discovering a way to use forgiveness and reconciliation as a step toward peace. Of course there are stories like that Irene that Borris describes, but this is only one remarkable exception. As Marsella explains, conflicts arise out of competing realities, but the experience of those conflicts also results in competing realities, fostering a vicious cycle. Even my grandfather and I had different realities of the Holocaust; I didn’t lose eight siblings, my home, my humanity; I wasn’t tortured or starved. For him, the Holocaust was all about the death of everyone he knew, but I was given life as a result of his experiences. Thus, it is more realistic and psychologically understandable for me to forgive. My grandfather couldn’t even forgive my forgiveness, so I’m sincerely at a loss as to how he or any other survivor could ever forgive the perpetrators.
*Blight, J. G. & Lang, J. M. (2005). Lesson Number one: “Empathize with your enemy.” Peace and Conflict, 10, 349–368.
*Borris, E. R. (2005). Political forgiveness and international affairs. Presidential Address Peace Psychology Division. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association.
*Gibson, J. L. (2006). Overcoming apartheid: Can truth reconcile a divided nation? ANNALS, AAPSS, 603, 82-110.
*Marsella, A.J. (2005). Culture and conflict: Understanding, negotiating, and reconciling conflicting constructions of reality. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29, 651-673.

June 26, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Lauren says:
I love this idea! I think that making apology and forgiveness more ingrained entities throughout the international community could go a very long way towards peace. Peace does not mean that tension and conflict will never arise; it means that these disagreements will not end in violence.

July 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Jessica Allee says:
I am writing because I would like to start International All Apologies Week. There
is already an International Forgiveness Day, and I think it would be very beneficial
to precede this with a week dedicated to the energy of apology (and actually to repeat this up to 4 times a year, every season).
I am a true believer in a natural balance in the world and the scales have been cruelly tipped against nature and the vulnerable innocent wildlife and people of our mother earth. I know that forgiveness is key, but it would be inspirational to and so helpful for those who want to forgive but have never had an apology given to them. It would also bring immense awareness of the need to apologize to even the smallest and weakest of our planet for all the wrong and cruel things that have happened and continue to happen. It would bring about an energy of unity, that perhaps the exact person that did this may not even be around to apologize, but there are many more to stand in that person’s place and apologize and bring a loving energy where it is lacking today. As a brother and sister human, we can stand up and apologize because we would want recognition of the atrocities done and apologies made if it were done to us.
Apologies to our deserving and innocent Mother Earth, who keeps us, feeds us and houses us, for all of the terrible things we have caused against her (pollution of land, water and air, replacing living growing things with dead cement, and wrecking the homes of all the other creatures who inhabit her). The next step would to be to apologize to all the innocent animals and sentient beings who have been exterminated, endangered and cruelly treated by humans. This energy would help to rebuild respect to all animals as we are here to help serve and protect them as well.
Then the next necessary and absolutely lacking step in present society would be to apologize to all innocent peoples around the world who have been harmed by us, our countries and our ancestors. Apologies to innocent native cultures and aboriginals who were met with cruelty and death by the hands of humans, to those who were victims of genocide, slavery, and wrongful imprisonment. Apologies to all innocent humans who have been met with cruelty and victimized by another human. Apologies to all the innocents who suffer from wars that were begun to steal resources in their native lands, to all those innocent people who have been made vulnerable by another human because of greed or fear or hatred. We need to reach out and make apologies to those who are trying to heal and trying to forgive but feel alone and victimized and cannot find peace to begin healing.
All of these and more deserve everyone’s united love and apologies, which in turn will create a beginning to heal, an energy of love and unity that is lacking in our present day and is totally needed so that those who are still hurting others and stealing and taking advantage of, will hopefully begin to see that these ways are unnecessary means to no end, and should not keep cycling through to the next generation. If no one stands up and apologizes, they might know they are doing wrong, but won’t feel it until we can as one people, give the energy of being sorry for these things.
Our emotions are powerful things, and being united in an energy of apology to all those who have been harmed can be a beautiful, uniting, empowering gift. I also believe that we have to build towards what we want, not against something to try and stop it. People will take to things that feel good and are good for themselves and others and on principle and it will be felt around the world when we can finally acknowledge the wrongs done, forgive and begin a new chapter with our human, animal, and earth family.
I think that apologizing is a key energy that not only opens the door for forgiveness but also shows respect to our fellow humans for the preciousness of their lives, building respectful relationships between beings, whether human, animal, or spirit. It will get people to stop and take a step back and say, what have I done or am I doing presently that is harming someone else or another being or the earth? What can I do to change?
This cycle of war and rape and genocide will find no home in our human family if we can learn the value of respect extended to all, going backwards and forwards through time, and it begins with, I am sorry.

July 27, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Nikolai Jessen-Petersen says:
To be forgiven for an extremely wrongful doing, is a blessing. And when someone is forgiven, in my eyes, it somewhat undermines the atrocity that they have committed. If a Jewish person forgives Hitler for what he did to their people, this makes Hitler seem slightly more humane, to a very miniscule degree if it’s simply one Jewish person forgiving him. If it’s a group of Jewish people, to a higher degree. My problem with some people forgiving, simply to achieve “inner peace”, is that they are doing so to achieve a somewhat detached happiness. A happiness as a result of somewhat could be considered ignorance. “Inner Peace” due to forced forgiving, in my eyes, is similar to the idea that “ignorance is bliss”. You ignore what happened, the crime that was committed, and this makes the person happier more at peace within. Obviously, I must point out there is a distinction one must make between forgiving and forgetting. One must never forget a terrible crime that has been committed, so such a crime will never be committed again. However, forgiving a terrible crime by the victim can lead to the crime being perceived by an outsider as perhaps less atrocious than it is in actuality, and this can be just as dangerous as never forgetting.
However, like I said today in class, I don’t want my comments to be interpreted in a way that it seems as if I don’t think forgiveness is a good thing. Or inner peace isn’t a GOOD thing. I believe that both forgiveness and inner peace, and forgiveness to achieve inner peace, are great things. However, I feel as if there are certain circumstances under which forgiveness should never occur, and there are people who should never be forgiven for their actions. For forgiving such people, Adolf Hitler is an obvious example that comes to mind, brings them closer to being a human being, when they are monsters who should never be handed the gift of humanization after the crimes they have committed towards humanity.
In relation to the article, “Apology/Forgiveness/Reconciliation Scales”, the main idea brought up is that some people are more prone to forgiveness due to maintaining certain characteristics. However, after reading the article, it appears that I should be highly prone to forgiveness, but after discussing and experiencing the act of forgiveness myself with friends, it appears that I do not lean towards supporting this overly-idealized notion. I was born to parents who are lovers of peace, and who preached the beauty of forgiveness to me for as long as I can remember. I wasn’t maltreated once as a child. I was never hit, and can’t remember any moment where I felt scared of either of my parents, or had them yell aggressively at me for something I did. I have reviewed the possible type of attachment that I might possess a couple times before in other psychology classes and research, and have come to the conclusion upon review that I am surely a securely attached individual.
Furthermore, on the subject of religion, I was raised to be a very liberal protestant, with my mom doing most of the religious influencing, stressing the ability to forgive as a virtue. I was also given the option of choosing no religion by my parents. I now maintain a position where there are many things about Christianity which I dislike, and many things which I love, upon why I feel very conflicted when it comes to religion. I am also very interested in Zen Buddhism, which highly emphasizes the notion of forgiving. Even further, I wasn’t born in the United States, I was born in Switzerland, a much more liberal country. Here, I went to an international school that preached human justice and equality, and the human right to be forgiven. Finally, I strongly advocate nonviolence in international affairs.
I have now touched upon most, if not all the criteria discussed and focused upon in the article, and concluded that I maintain the side in each criteria that would lead to me being heavily in favor of the notion of forgiving. However, why is it the case, that I have had a hard time forgiving people for doing things that aren’t all so important in the grand scheme of things in the past. For example, it took me three years to forgive an old close friend, for sleeping with the girlfriend of another one of my close friends. As well as why do I believe there are certain things, murdering an innocent child that can’t be forgiven. Or certain people, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Kony, Slobodan Milosevic, who cannot be forgiven. I simply do not, and cannot believe, that forgiveness should be administered under every possible circumstance. However, if the hypothesis and results of the study in the article are correct, I shouldn’t maintain such a position.
Is there something in my biological predisposition that has made me feel this way, that has made me this kind of person? Are the results in the study incorrect? Am I delusional? Am I wrong to believe that there are certain things, and certain people, that can’t be forgiven? And that choosing to forgive the unforgivables to achieve inner peace, is a dangerous thing?
Let me clarify that I am asking these questions, because the simple fact of the matter is that I highly doubt that I am right in my position. Please let me know how you guys feel.

June 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Kathryn Hemenway says:
After telling my children about the Day of Apology in Australia (for actions against Aborigines), I proposed the idea of a National Day of Apology in a letter to the editor of our local paper. My query was met with a wide range of response, much of it very vocal against. One reader even looked up my home address and sent an anonymous letter from an old typewriter. I wish people understood and appreciated the value of a sincere, timely apology.

August 1, 2012 at 9:31 pm

kathiemm says:
That was such a good idea you had, Kathryn. I am so glad you proposed the idea to the editor of your local paper. Don’t give up. There must have been at least some others who agreed with you concerning the importance of apology in the process of reconciliation. And let’s hope even some of the vocal opponents will be opened up to thinking about the issue. I hope you will think further about ways to educate others about the need for new ways of thinking and behaving if we are to achieve better relations among groups (e.g., settler populations and indigenous populations) and a more peaceful world.

August 2, 2012 at 12:02 am

March 16 , 2020 1st International Apology DaysteemCreated with Sketch.

March 16 , 2020 1st International Apology Day