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Where the heck have I been?
To be honest, my amazing friends. I was going to write to you in detail about what happened to me in Morocco. But, I realized it would probably be a book with 100 pages in it about me complaining too much and talking about how hard I got screwed. In reality, part of it was my fault. And, that is not what I want to share with you in these next posts. But, rather I want to share with you the lessons I learned from it all. I will share with and describe the KEY moments where I thought I made a mistake of not listening to myself and wanting to please everybody around me instead of protecting myself. I hope through these posts you will take lessons I learned, and maybe apply them if you ever find yourself in a similar situation in life as me. I hope you will learn from my mistakes.
As you know before I had turbulent summer with my father having many health problems which we thank God managed to solve and he is better than he ever was really. It took a lot of patience, struggle, pain, to get him there. And, it has tired me out emotionally, and in the end physically. I did not really realize how much until now about 2 months after it all happened. My mind was so focused on him, and getting him better, I ignored myself. I ignored my emotions, my body, and it has left a big toll deep inside me.
Lesson 1 - Being "STRONG".
No matter what tough situation in life you are, always find the time to process your emotions. I made a mistake of shoving my emotions so deep inside because I thought that is what STRONG people do. I thought strong people don't cry, don't show emotion, and just STAY STRONG all the time. Well, part of it is true. Yes, you have to be strong in the moments you need to focus and make tough decisions. But, faking to be STRONG while there is "STORM" of emotions inside you is not something you want to do EVER. It will get you NOWHERE.
Those emotions will store inside you and create HAVOC in your body sooner than later. And, I had to make a lot of tough decisions over a long period of 4 months until my father got better so he can function by himself. I have locked so many of those "EMOTIONAL STORMS" deep inside me and I have thrown away the key. I wanted to be "STRONG" for everybody. For my two brothers, my mother, and the entire family. I thought I had to do it all alone... And, it was a stupid thing to do as I have a good family and people around me. I should off let them in, but for some reason, I did not.
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And, I made that mistake of FORGETTING to take care of myself. I was hiding myself and my emotions from everybody. During those tough times, I thought it was the right thing to do. I wanted to be "STRONG", but in reality I was scared, still only 30 old kid who has been thrown in a situation in life he has never been thrown in, and every day was an emotional rollercoaster I did not show to anybody. I have locked myself up in the PRISON OF MY OWN EMOTIONS. And, my amazing Steemian friends, it is not something you should ever do.
The Right Way To Be Strong
So what does it truly mean to be STRONG in my personal opinion of course? Do not try to be STRONG for everybody, don't try to be strong all the time. Because you will only over-pressure and over-burden yourself and it will take a toll on you. Because there is not a single person in this world who is STRONG all the time. If somebody thinks he is, it is my personal opinion he is not being very honest with himself and he is falling in the same EMOTIONAL PRISON I fell into. He is ignoring himself, and his emotions. And, that my friends, is a very dangerous thing to do. I learned it the hard way.
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This picture perfectly describes me. I was "flexing" muscles, while deep inside the emotions were telling an entirely different story.
What being strong means is to have the strength to gather yourself for the moments you need to make tough decisions. It means I am putting the "STORMS" inside on time-out. That is real STRENGTH. That is what I think STRONG PERSON is. He is able to tune out everything and just focus on the task ahead. He is STRONG when life needs for him to be STRONG. But, no matter what is happening we all have to find time to face your emotions, and we have to "deal" with them, or they will leave a mark on you further down the road.
In my next post, I want to tell why it is important not to ignore yourself, your emotions, and your feelings. You can put them on "time-outs" when you need to focus, but ignoring them is not a good idea. I will talk about how to release emotions from your body so they do not create chaos inside you. We all have to find ways to do it. I believe it is one of the most underrated things we can do for our health and well being.
Thank you all for reading, have an amazing day all, much love,
dbjegovic 💕 💞 💓
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So happy to see you posting again and I'm glad that your father is well. I'm sure you did what you felt you needed to do at the time, and am so glad that you learned that you need to take care of yourself and will know how to do things differently in the future!
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@melinda010100 I am happy to be back. I missed you guys, I missed writing and expressing myself through it. :)
And, yes, life is one big lesson and I learned some tough lessons in the past 6 months. Hopefully, there will be no situations like this in the future. But, if they do come I will be ready for them and I will manage things differently. :)
Have an amazing day, my amazing friend. :)
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Being strong for everyone probably contributed to my Brother's death almost 2 years ago. I'm still pretty pissed at him for not sharing with anyone (the stages of grief grind slowly with me) but am starting to get some clarity. You see, my mother died out of the whole deal too.
I read Jay's comment and REALLY understand. I lost my only child at birth almost 20 years ago. It was a horrible price, but a watershed time for me. I had to get professional help, went to a therapist that my now dead brother recommended.
Among other things, he dx'd my PTSD in like three sessions. Now I knew why I did some of the goofy things I do. I was able to grow through that because I now had an reason and a therapy. Not to mention that I was able to live with my grief over my daughter. Live with, not bury. There is a difference.
So one of the reasons I'm still pissed at my brother is that I had suggested that he go back to the guy. He'd be alive if he had. What a tragic waste.
Anyway, I now know that I can be strong when needed but the piper has to be paid. I simply must allow myself to be 'weak' as needed. I've cried a river of tears out of this lesson.
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O wow, you have been really through a lot, my friend. And, I can partially now understand how you felt because about 3 years ago my uncle passed away and I went to his funeral. And, right before I about returned to Italy for my basketball season we get a phone call his sister has followed him probably from the sorrow. So I lost both of closest uncle and aunt in a span of 4 days. And, honestly, I just did not know how to deal with it.
The thing about your brother is this as it is the same for my father now. We really can not help them unless they let us help them. No matter how hard we push. And, I pushed my father to change every single day. But, until he let me in, nothing was moving, and I was getting incredibly frustrated by it. So my friend, forgive yourself and let go of everything, or it will eat you inside like it started eating me alive really. And, not only that it has a lead on the path of bad decisions which I am paying now.
You can help yourself the most as I realized in these really past 4 weeks. And, it has been now 6-7 months after the thing with my father. No matter what it is, do NOT keep inside. You know what is bothering you. Instead of ignoring what is inside you, face it instead. I mean truly deep imagine in your head those moments which you stored deep down and just let it out. Cry your eyes out, shout, yell, scream, talk to people about it, it does not matter what. But what matters you let it OUT of you.
Thank you for sharing with me @bigtom13. I think the biggest lesson we all have to learn, is yes we can help ourselves the most, but that we do not have to do it ALONE. :)
Have an amazing day. :)
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I can relate to what you are saying as I did similar when we lost our Son many years ago just as he was born, I put on a mask of strength to support those around me and bottled up my emotions, it took me a long time to release my emotions and was such a struggle in so many ways for me at the time, but i had this stupid feeling that I had to be strong.
Glad you are able to express your feelings in this post and hoping you find you way back to being strong emotionally as well as physically
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I am sorry to hear about you losing your son, my friend. I can't imagine how it felt. And, I know you felt like you needed to be strong for everybody, but in my personal opinion, we both bottled up emotions inside which later created many problems for us. Maybe instead of trying to STANDING alone STRONG, we should be more STANDING STRONG TOGETHER.
Sharing our emotions, our sorrow, pain, fear with the people around us. Yes, we should be strong when it matters, but we also need to find a way to release our emotions. Because for me, keeping them all inside, created a great number of problems a month or two after it all happened. I got to a point I could not recognize myself as a person. Only when I started to let myself be "weak" is when things started to get back to normal. When I opened up to all those emotions. When I faced them... It is, in my opinion, the only way to do it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, brother. I appreciate it. Have a blessed day.
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Standing Strong together is the way to go for sure, And I agre ethere is times we need to stand strong but i think its essential to have someone or some people around who you can truly express your feelings with and not let them bottle up inside us. And yes I can relate to what you are saying a bout letting. Yourself be weak, I went through the same understanding and now I do not think of it as being weak, I see it as needing a support network to help me deal witht he pain I had bottled up inside me, wearing the mask of strength at the time did help those around me and they needed that, but the long time effect was for a few years I became a person that looking back i didnt like, becaus eI realize now I had locked up the emotions of the loss but so many others and I had become a shell of what I could have been.
Luckily i meet my Current Wife quite a few years later when I was starting to let down the walls and she gave me the strength to shatter them all and I am in a far better state now and so much happier with who and what I am
And no thanks needed thanks to you for this post which inspired me to share my feelings
YOu to have a blessed day
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Like I wrote in my posts. It is all about making that DECISION to start working on whatever is bothering you. It has to come from deep. On your way to recovery, the UNIVERSE will send you as I call them PEOPLE-ANGELS to help you get through it. Just like your wife came to yours when you needed her the most. Just like it happened many times to me as well.
But first, as you did, we have to make the DECISION to fight for ourselves. It starts from ourselves first. :)
Appreciate you sharing, brother. :)
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Yes I do believe that as well call it Fate or Whatever it does happen and often just when you are ready or in need of it most
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I am glad to hear that your dad is better now. It is nice to see you post again and see you around the @thesteemengine discord channel.
You are correct. One person cannot handle every burden all of the time. Sometimes we need to let our community (online or offline) help us with our burdens. Sometimes we need to rely on the strength of another person.
I spent some time this morning reading to help me align myself spiritually. I read a verse where Jesus said, "Come to me, you who are labor and have heavy burdens. I will give you rest."
I am being challenged by this because I too often think that I need to carry everything on my own. Thoughts and prayers! I hope you physically and emotionally recover from the stress of the last few months.
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@sumatranate it is good to be back. Especially when I see how supportive you and everybody else is. It is amazing. And, I am thankful for all of your guy's support and kind words.
And, yes, it is true. We need somebody to lean on. We need somebody to off-load the things which are bothering us. Or, they will slowly "eat" us on the inside. We all have to realize we can help ourselves the most, but that we do not have to do it alone.
O brother, I am sure I will recover, it will take some time, but I will get there eventually because deep down I know who I am but just need work my way out of the crap-storm I been in for the past 6-7 months. This will just be one huge LESSON OF LIFE for me. :)
Thank you for your encouraging words, thoughts, and I wish you the best in life.
Have an amazing day. :)
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Great advice. When I first left home, I used to really try and keep my emotions to myself, and I refused to confide in anyone when things went wrong. I wanted to prove I could be strong and independent. Eventually things got really bad, and I allowed myself to confide in my mum. This was a big relief for both of us, and it was the start of the path towards a lot of healing and growth for me.
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Well, you can be independent, and strong, but if you are in trouble it is ok to ask for help. We all get in trouble sometimes and we have to realize we don't have to do it alone. We really have nothing to prove. If you can resolve by ourselves that is amazing but if we can't? It is ok to be "weak" and "vulnerable" as long as you working on being STRONG again. Talking about it sure does help. It helps a load of the burden, worry, fears, and concerns.
We have to realize we are NOT ALONE. :)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. :)
Thank you for your thoughts.
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My goodness @awakentolife, you have been through so much at such a young age! My heart aches for you...I am glad you have recognized the truth about real strength being weakness. It's funny the way our human culture considers crying, emotion, sadness as weakness. As a mom and daughter I too have always been strong for both my brothers and sisters as well as my daughters. Allowing that curtain to come down is tough. I'm sure your dad is so proud of you in so many ways, but your loving and uplifting nature is the best! Glad you are back, I hope you continue to take good care of yourself. I know you have a very busy career which is also grueling at times. Hopefully your Steemit friends can provide another positive environment for rest and relaxation!
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First of all, thank you for your amazing coming from heart words. I truly appreciate it. Sending a big hug to you. :)
Well, to be honest, it is no wonder the world is really not going the right way. Because instead of helping the people in need, we frown upon it. Like it is not OK to be weak sometimes. It is OK, and that is how we grow as a person. That is how we get stronger. But, this is just the start of my story from this summer, and there is much, much more to say as this was just the beginning of my journey.
I am happy to be back as well. I missed writing and I missed you guys. It has been far too long.
Have an amazing day. :)
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Be strong for yourself, that is all you or anyone else needs to do. When we are not strong for ourselves, we can not help others either. Take some rest now, you have deserved it.
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I will sure listen to your great advice, my friend. As you are absolutely right about it. :)
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Congratulations! This post has been chosen as one of the daily Whistle Stops for The STEEM Engine!
You can see your post's place along the track here: The Daily Whistle Stops, Issue 392 (02/06/19)
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