I can relate to so much of this. The blank memories, the missing years and years. I never realized that people could generally remember before age nine until I was in my late teens and it somehow came up. That was the first hint I ever had that something was different about me.
All of the behavior, the early sexual activity, low self esteem... I'm not even sure at THIS age how much of me is ME and how much of me is due to my childhood trauma.
Thank you for being so real, so raw with your story.
I hope you can find healing.
Thank you my friend. Writing is definitely bringing me some sort of peace that I haven't found in therapy or in reading, so I'm going to stick with it until my brain's finished purging.
Funny, too, I didn't know that my experience wasn't the norm for everyone. Everyone I knew, boys & girls, seemed sexually advanced (looking back, I can see this clearly) and then as I got older, I blocked it out for years and never gave it a thought, so it was a non-issue for me as far as thinking about it, but all the behaviors were there.
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