Strong choice of words - but appropriate.
The chains were strong.
I have been a Christ follower for all of my adult life. I have had seasons in which I was on fire for His ways, and I've had seasons in which I drifted - allowing my flesh, my selfishness, and my desire for instant gratification rule my decisions.
Over time, my fleshy decisions worked together with Satan's desire to steal, kill and destroy to forge a chain that tied certain situations inescapably to choices that were more and more destructive.
I loved Jesus, AND I chose to do the wrong thing.
I knew taking a drink was causing damage to my health, my relationships, my career, my ministry - yet I did it anyway.
It was bad.
I could list the outrageous things I did during those years. I could describe the stupid decisions I made, and allow you to compare them to your own list. You could take comfort in the fact that "at least you didn't do THAT." Or you could take a weird pride in the idea that your list is much worse than mine. Neither of those outcomes is helpful.
What I want to discuss here is the fact that - __ at the same time, I loved Jesus, AND I was an addict.__
How could I do both?
My family wondered the same thing. I spent hours pondering that question, myself.
I don't know.
I have discovered that there is a reason why I was addicted - to alcohol, to porn, to selfishness - for years.
In my next post, I'll discuss the path that led me there.
For now, I am convinced that it is true.
At the same time, I did love Jesus, and I was an active addict.
The decision part of my brain was damaged, and I made bad decision after bad decision, leading me to addiction and self destruction.
Thank God, that chain is broken.
The same triggers that used to automatically lead to my acting out, are no longer bound to the actions of addiction.
"My chains are gone! I've been set free!"
For my complete story, check out my book "The Christian Addict" 1