You see, @tecnosgirl and I have been friends since we were 12 years old, and we are both now approaching the big 4-0! All throughout our teens it was a battle, not between us, but a battle of life, we all have things that hinder us at one moment or another.

I want to be transparent and to do that allow me tell you about our friendship a little bit more. 

I have helped her in many ways, as she has also helped me in many ways. That is what friends do!

If you havent read my posts in the familyprotection tag. I had to deal with a whole lot of negatives which caused my family and I to move around a lot! So of course when you move you change schools, so I seemed to always be the new kid no matter where I went...

We officially met when we were in the first grade, which I cannot remember myself, but the fact we did go to the same school at that time and her mother confirms that she and I knew one another. I wasn't at the school long really before we moved so we both went on our ways, being so small we didn't exchange numbers or anything like that, and more than likely, it was a sudden move, where there wasn't much planning.

My  mother had a rough time and I do not fault her for any of the things I had endured as a child. She was a free-spirit who just wanted to find love!  When I was ten years old, my mother found out she had mouth cancer, which in the end ended up spreading into her lungs. She passed away later on when I was 16. I hated that she had gotten sick but in a sense, it may have been a strange way for the universe to slow her down, so her children could stay in one place, who knows. I only bring this up because it brings me to how I met @tecnosgirl. Because my mother got sick she was almost instantly approved for all kinds of help, she found us a house that would suit all of us. I was so happy to finally be able to have a room to myself! I hadn't had that, ever. I finally was able to make a few friends without thinking, what's the point? We will be moving soon anyway, why get involved...

Off to middle school

Now here we are in middle school, and still have yet to cross paths again, that is until the hottest boy in school {I was boy crazy, and he had the most beautiful blues} came in the picture and told me that there is a girl he doesn't like and I should give her hell...in comes @tecnosgirl I of course wanting to please him acted like most mean girls do, I talked behind her back and tried to get my other friends to not like her, but then, something happened. We were walking to our classes all the students pushing and shoving up and down the stairs, and I hear these boys talking to someone rather yelling obscenities to who else but @tecnosgirl, and they were not being any kind of nice. Before I know it I am taking up for her, and in my head was like wtf are you doing now the hottest boy and his baby blues will never give you a chance...

Thank GOD for that LOL!

From that day on we were pretty much inseparable. Two troubled girls on a mission! We lived on separate sides of town and would walk and meet half way, almost each weekend I would be at her house, or her at mine. Unless she was on the run or I was taken from home because of my mothers issues, we were always together. When she was in girls school I wrote to her everyday, I believe. I could only imagine the crap she was having to go through because of one person's choices. I couldn't see her going it all alone, so she didn't. 

Then we were out of middle school and off to high school, unfortunately, we were separated again, one going to one school and the other in another school. We still spent plenty of time together, when we were both back home. Here we are now, 16, I was a rebellious one for sure, I was out drinking and my sick mother got out in the cold september rain, to find me. of course she never did, but when I got home I walked into her room and she gave me the spiel of you're grounded, no more leaving until I say otherwise bit. I did the typical I hate you and the troll of a husband you have....

I woke up to hear the troll on the phone crying in a panic, SHE CAN"T BREATHE, SHE'S NOT BREATHING!!!

My mother died that night, and for years, I felt I killed her myself. I know now that I didn't but as a 16 yr old I'm sure you can imagine why I felt that way. @tecnosgirl called me the next morning and I answered with what probably sounded like an attitude, and she asked, 'What? Is your mom being a bitch again?'  All I could say is, SHE'S DEAD! I don't remember much after that, but I do remember she was there in a flash. I continued to drink and smoke and do whatever I wanted to do because in my mind I was an orphan now, and no one could tell me what to do.

THE TROLL HAS  ME 'ARRESTED'

A few weeks after the funeral, I was out at my boyfriends house, I was there for a few days and decided I should go home and check on my younger sibs, when I get home everything seemed off. I brushed it off to it being I just didn't like this ass of a man, who was now stuck with us. I start to do some laundry, and I hear a knock at the door and it is my mother's friends from NA and they just looked at me like 'we're sorry' . So I ask what is going on and they still wouldn't say, and then another knock at the door. Every one is looking to me to answer the door. So I opened the door and it's the police, they tell me I am being taken away, yet again! I demand they tell me why? What have I done? My mother is dead, and now this? Really, is this necessary, they put me in handcuffs for everyone's safety wtf, really I am not a violent person, i just don't like being forcibly taken away from my home. I had that happen so many times in life, and now my mother is gone, who will save me this time?  

Welcome to FOSTER CARE?

It's 5 am and I arrive at this huge white two story home in the middle of nowhere with no one I know to tell me everything will be ok. I told the foster parents, I won't be here long, don't worry about me. I am almost an adult, I didn't need to be brought to a stranger's home, let alone a FOSTER HOME, all my life, my mother kept us out of foster homes, she always made things right, wtf now.  I asked the woman if I could call my aunt to see if she could help me. I was surprised to hear her say yes. So I called my aunt and told her what the troll had done, and she called the cps worker to tell them that she would take me in. WOOHOO  I'm saved.

OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT SO

My aunt bought me a new bed to sleep on so I wouldn't have to sleep on the floor. I still talked to @tecnosgirl from my aunts house. It was a very short stay actually. 

The day I went with my sister to get my driver's license I failed tremendously! I came back to my aunts house and they were raging at me. Telling me I never went to get my license I had to have went to see that black boy again. Really, wtf, wow! I said you know what, I don't need this, I am so glad my mother raised me to think for myself, and to not let people tell me who I could be around! I left, just as easy as I came. I will not tolerate racial slurs and I had a choice to remove myself so I did. My sister gathered what little belongings I had with me and took me to her house, which she shared with her boyfriend and his parents and all of their brood.  

dysfunction is a part of a lot of people's lives I've learned

I found out some of the dark secrets that loomed in this new house I was brought to. I stayed for just a while. I wasn't sure but I felt someone was searching through my room when I was gone. So I put a trap out to see if any one in fact was going through my things. Well, as I am sure you may have guessed there was definitely someone going through my things, and it was the husband, my sister's soon to be father-in-law. Going through my panty drawer, he says he was looking for drugs. Why then didn't you look in the other drawers and move things around? HMMM? So I decided I was going to run away with my friend Joyce,who now has a son with @tecnosgirl's brother, we both cashed our work checks and split town.  We ended up driving 3 hours out of the way and had to call her mother, yes this was pre-GPS so we needed some help and what better way than to call home, right? Well maybe for her. Not for me. We get to her birth-mother's house and hang out for a bit and a knock, of course another one of those knocks. The loud boooming authority on the other side knocks! 

I knew they were there for me, this woman called the police on me and not her daughter. It wasn't only my idea, but I was the troubled girl who didn't have any parents so of course, I got the blame.  They took me to the juvenile center there and asked who can we call? I didn't have a soul to call. I ended up calling the very one's who made the missing person report to come and get me. They did. I was happy that they did, but then the car ride home they were telling me they can't do this with me, yadda yadda yadda....They tell me tomorrow we are taking you to girls school....no way not me, not after what @tecnosgirl had to deal with, being far away no one to really show they care? Nope, not this girl....Later that night I called @tecnosgirl and told her what was going on, she told me to get out of there as quickly as I could and she would call a cab for me when I get to the station, now this was not a close gas station, I was in the country in the rain...

AND SO I WALKED AWAY SWIFTLY....

By this time she is pregnant with her oldest child and her child's father is living with her also and here I come along, I stayed with some of our fellow friends at first, but things got kind of weird there. I babysat for a woman so I could provide myself with basic needs. Every thing was pretty awesome for a little while, I was hanging out with my best friend, she was about to have my first god-daughter, I was pretty happy. One day one of our fellow friends came to me and said hey let's go out tonight and party. I being the one who loved to party agreed to go....@tecnosgirl warned me not to go! I being the stubborn jackass went anyway!

Handcuffed again!?

It was once again a rainy night, and my friends and I decided we were still ok to drive, which none of us were able to walk let alone drive. We started dropping everyone off and the last semi-sober driver was out of the car. You gonna be ok to drive right? he says Yeah I am a good driver. Says the girl (me) who couldn't even get her license. I proceed down the road and think yeaah you are a great driver charisma. Then that's when I heard the siren and saw the lights...dammitman here we go again!

CHIN- Child in NEED of Services

I was taken into the youth services center here and they take me into a room tell me to undress (not protocol in front of the fence) and bend over and cough. I was 17 and had never even been undressed around anyone other than my mother and that's when I was a child. You mean I have to take ALL my clothes off? What kind of crap is this?  I was placed on suicide watch because I was so drunk. I didn't know what they wanted from me. I wasn't putting up a fight, I just wanted to sleep. 

I woke up the next morning, which was Mother's Day, how ironic. Thanks mom! I thought to myself. What better day to teach this stubborn child it was time to make some changes. I stayed in the program and went back to school I had to take an extra semester to graduate, since I had quit temporarily after my mother passed. 

I was kept in the system until well after my 18th birthday and was getting so frustrated but I had to get through it, my mother asked me if I didn't do anything else in this world please please make sure you finish school. 

I used to hate the idea that I had gotten locked up, until later on, It was definitely for the betterment of ME..

Until later

As you can see from just a little bit of insight of where my past had driven me. I am an alcoholic and with that there are dark things usually. 

This is my darkness, getting some light! this is my "secret" well not much a secret but a dark past of drinking and men...

@tecnosgirl had her daughters and her son she got married and all of the things people do as they grow. Her oldest is now older 9 years old I believe, and she wanted to see her father, so we drove out to Texas and ended up bringing him back here to Indiana with us. I was living with a roommate, and @tecnosgirl had a husband and children at home and she decided that he couldn't stay there with them, which I couldn't blame her there. So he came to stay with me at my place, we didn't stay there long. @tecnosgirl rented a motel room for the both of us but asked that we both get out into the workforce again to get going in the right direction. I had gotten my first McDonald's job ewww.  After the week was up at the motel she took us and got an apartment for us to get on our feet, as separate people. Again, I am an alcoholic, as is he. I didn't think anything would happen between us, that is against the unspoken code, I know. Well, I have fought this for over 12 years and I know I have been forgiven, but it is still hard. 

I ended up sleeping with her ex. 

 Before all this time, @tecnosgirl and her ex had gotten into a major fight and she left me there with him, I didn't know what to do, I was afraid, afraid for her, for their daughter. For me. I felt abandoned once again, now that is no excuse for what happened it did and we can not change that now. I have an awesome son from this situation I put myself in and I know it was sooooo hard for @tecnosgirl to accept my wrongdoings. I am ever so grateful that she has, and has never made me feel like shit because of it. And she could if she wanted to but this is not her nature. 

I guess I wanted everyone to know that the person you see here is the person @tecnosgirl is all day every day! 

She is my HERO! My FRIEND! She is someone I look up to and aspire to learn from she has taught me how to forgive even when it is hard to do. Although some people can be hard to forgive, in time it WILL happen right?

Our friendship is proof of that! 

I want to thank the familyprotection community for providing a place to share these types of stories. I know this one isn't all about being in the system, but it is just another part of it for me. I am happy to have went through all of the experiences with child services, although they were not always full of sunshine and rainbows. I did learn from all of it. That is what matters the most I think. 

taken from an old cell phone I had