I can't seem to get to that happy place. I don't know what my problem is. I am a husband to a great wife and a father to an amazing son. I have a lot of friends and am involved with 4 organizations that help people in need. I don't worry about bills or the everyday struggles most deal with. WTF is wrong with me? I know I suffer from depression but I'm on meds for it. I have flashes of zen at times but it seems to quickly dissipate. What will make me happy? Can I be happy?
To pick up where I left off on part I, I just saw my mom kissing another guy on our couch while my dad was away.
When my dad got home a couple of days later I told him what I saw. Needless to say, the divorce was imminent. What was really bad for me personally was neither my mom or dad fought for me. They fought for custody of my brother and I just went where he ended up. With our dad. My father was never a nurturing man. He just didn't have that ability. Not entirely his fault but still.
The next few years were awkward. I had less parental guidance and discipline so obviously I got into more trouble. I went from A's and B's to D's and F's within a month at school. I started smoking cigarettes and stealing. Nothing major but it was still illegal. So after awhile of messing up and showing signs of needing someone now more than ever, my dad decided to ship me off to my mom and her boyfriend. That wasn't the best idea because they were too busy smoking weed, drinking and partying to pay attention to what I was doing. So, my behavior got worse. I got into fights almost on a daily basis and started doing drugs and drinking. All before I got my drivers license at 16. Now don't get me wrong. I wasn't the worst person in the world, but I wasn't someone you'd let your kids be around either.
Now, I'm not blaming my parents for anything. I am the master of my own destiny. I am the one who fucked up several times. Me!
I'll pick this up later.
You've caught my interest. I'm following now. I hope to catch more of your story.
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Depression is a sneaky bastard. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I still haven't figured out how keep that from happening. Clinical depression is a weird thing, and really not much fun.
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Hey! Check out Jordan Peterson on youtube, also Aaron Clarey and Elliot Hulse. Writing down your feelings is a good start. Also check out my blog here, I've been through some struggle myself :)
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Breathing properly will assist in easing your mind - I speak from experience. Physical activity (working out, running, yoga, shadow boxing / jiu-jitsu) will assist in easing your mind - I speak from experience. Doing anything outside in the sun (walking, hiking, swimming, drone'n) will assist in easing your mind - I speak from experience. Listening to uplifting music that you enjoy will assist in easing your mind - I speak from experience.
But honestly mang - the best advice I know of is simply to design your day around helping other people. This will not only assist in easing your mind, but also will effectively rewire your brain to understand the pleasure of seeking to live a life helping others.. which is in some sense of the word 'a cure'. (I speak from experience!)
I know you, I know your family, hell I've handled your firearms .. we're friendly friends, you & I.. and in case it should be mentioned instead of going left unsaid: Hit me up anytime, any day man, and we'll step out to find distractions for you. Also - Craft Beer.
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Depressions can be related to feeling of guilt, do you maybe knowingly or unconsiously feel guilty for the split-up of your parents, since you told your dad about your mom kissing somebody else. Maybe your not feeling guilty about it as a grown man but the boy inside you might ???
I try to avoid medications that i was given for my depression and phobia.
The depression seems to be gone and the last bit of my social phobia went away while using CBD drops. Seem to work well for depressions aswell.
Sometimes it takes a real hard and deep look into oneself and total honesty to see what is bothering us under the survice.
I took a selfhelp goup for that and it helped me alot.
I send you lots of positive energy and love and a big HUG
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