Hi steemians, greetings to you all!
I am really inspired to write this post, due to the rate at which the numbers of marriage crises increases on daily bases. Broken relationships have caused terrible damage (emotional instability) in the lives of the couples directly involved, as well as in the lives of the children, if there any.
Some of us may be questioning the relevance of this post, considering the fact that steemit is filled with young singles who want to live and enjoy their youthful lives.
Tell you what? If you’re thinking that someday in your live, you are going to wind-up with that someone who would complement and give you the necessary love and happiness you desire, then, this post is for you. Kindly read through.
According to statistics over three million people are joined together as husbands and wives. Whereas, before the next five years almost two million out of the three are already living miserably, if not divorced. Questions are; what are the major causes of this increasing rate of divorce, and how can we they be avoided right from the start?
Qualitative studies have identified basic things intending couples should put into consideration before planning for wedding.
Nowadays, people seems to give more attention to making plans for their wedding rather than making plans for the marriage that would last forever. Wedding will only last for hours, while marriage as we hope, lasts for a life time.
However, below are the basic things couples should look into before considering marriage:
1 PERSONALIT:
This is one of the most influencial factors in marriage. It is highly recommended that intending couples should deeply look into the personal life of their partner. Truly, everyone is unique, but but the question is, how unique?
On various occations we hear couples comlaining; “My spouse suddenly changed”; “We dated for three good years, I never knew he/she is such a terrible cheat, an alcoholic, a smoker or even a drug addict. I don’t think I can continiue with him/her”; “I am totally fed-up.”
The truth is, your partner didn’t suddenly change, those behavious has been there before yiu two got married. While you where dating all that matters then were the strong feelings of attraction that existed. You were blindsided by infatuation and never saw past it. Trying to look into his/her personality then, seems to judgemental.
According to Gary Chapman, being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage. Further:
Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. Emotions change and obsessions fade. Research idicates that the average life span of the in love obsession is two years. For some it lasts a bit longer, while for some a bit less. But the average is two years. Then, we come down off the emotional highand those aspects of life that we disregarded in our euphoria begins to become important. Our differences begins to emerge and we often find ourselves arguing with the person we once though to be perfect . we have now discovered for ourselves that being inlove is not the foundation for a happy marriage. <
Please do not it wrong, noone is saying that being in love is not necessary. No! of course it is, love is the key factor for building a successful marriage, but, it shouln’t hinder from considering your partner’s personality.
2 INTELLIGEN
This is another important factor that greatly determines the well being of a marriage/ relationship.
One day I was disscussing with a female friend, suddenly, I asked her about her boy friend then. She said, “ That boy is most irrational person I have ever met in my whole life.” What happened? I inquired; “He doesn’t think at all. Now, I undersand the actual meaning of of the sayings – ‘apperance may be decietful; do not judge a book by its cover.’ ” Meanwhile, this is the guy every lady was dying for.
If you are contemplating marriage, it is advisible that you weigh the intellectual standard of your intending partner, to know if it really suits yours. Believe me this will save you from future misunderstanding and series of frustrations at the long run.
How do we determine the level of our partner’s intelligence? When ever you are together try and bring up topics that demand logical/ reasonable contributions. Then, take note of how he/she responds to situations.
####3 RELIGIOUS PRACTICES / SPIRITUAL BELIEVES:####
In the world as a whole, there has never been any culture in which the people do not have beliefs about the non-material world. Thus, man is inescapably spiritual.
However, I strongly believe that religion and spiritual belief has a way of making marriages stronger. A true religion requires good amount of faith which in turn should translate into faithful and successful marriages. Not only does mutual belief annd same religion provides strength and support, it also gives this sense of oneness.
Let me advise, while planning for marriage, try and compare your spiritual life with that of your partner in other to ascertain the level of your compactibility.
Marks, L. (2005), through qualitative data analysis, identified themes that greatly influence marital life;
- Pro-marriage / anti-divorce belief
- Homogamy of religious beliefs
- Faith in God as a marrital support.
Pro-marriage beliefs encourage marriage whereas anti-divorce beliefs discourage divorce
Homogamy of religious beliefs represents shared ideologies. Thus, it provides us with a world of similar views and vissions.
Thirdly, faith in God serves as a marital support in the sense that, it gives the marriage a sense of hope and also tends to sustain the family in terms of difficulties.
####4 SEXUALITY: ####
What what more could couples need? This is another area of marriage in which couples never anticipate any problems. To be honest, men and women are two different people in terms of sexual desire. Interestingly, in love making, men tends to focus more on intercourse while women focus on the relationship. What this means is that women see sex as an intimate act that comes up out of a loving relationship. For instance, in a relationship that is fractured (by verbal abuse or irresponsible behaviour), the female finds it very difficult to be interested in sex, not to talk of climaxing.
My advise here is that, if you notice a big gap between you and your intending partner, based on yhe sexual desire, you shuold make out time for proper discussion or better still seek for counselling.
####5 FAMILY BACKGROUND:####
This is also one of the most important among all. Family background has a way of influencing every the marriage more than every ones we have discussed. No one decended from the sky, every man could be traced to a background (Family). There are so many things that happens to us which are genetic. It could be particular sickness or may be other things that happens in our old age.
Remember that you are marrying into a family for better for worse. Everything doesn’t just end after the wedding ceremony. Immidiately you are married you automatiacally become a part of an extended family. In a way, you must contribute to the family.
Before you dive into marriage, first of all check the family you are marrying into. Find out the things yoy can cope with and the ones you can’t, then, call your intending couple for a propper discussion or better still, seek for a professional advice. Remember what they say: “like mother like daughter; like father like son.
Sources: "Things I With I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman.
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Pictures: "Research gate", "Science daily", "Tech Plateau", "How to deal with extended family's issues", "Robert JR Graham OneWorldReligion", "BBC religion questionnaire"
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