Word Vomit #4 -- Crutches & Amazon Reviews

Not too long ago, I made a post explaining that I had managed to burn off a few fingerprints on a friend's wood stove and have been having some difficulty typing since. Well, they're finally healed! I mean, they're still a little fucked up, but most daily things don't hurt anymore, so I'll take it.

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As luck would have it, however, shortly before my finger's recovered, I decided to put my left foot out of commission for awhile by running into a tree while snowboarding. After an afternoon of telling myself "I'm okay", and an excruciating sleepless night, I tossed away my pride and went to get x-rays.

That was kind of a dead end. Four people had to look at my x-rays, they repetitively asked if I had broken my foot before(which I hadn't, not the left one anyway), and couldn't really give me a definite conclusion. Then they were just like, "Yeah, whatever, I guess it's fine". So I left with a pair of crutches and a foot that looks like a dog's paper mache project.

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(that's me on crutches, by the way)

Six days later, it's not a lot better. But, I'm hanging in there for the time being. I'm not writing this to bitch about my foot, but I will however complain about one of my biggest pet peeves; PEOPLE IN THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE

So, the average person's complete disregard for the existence of other life forms in grocery stores has always boggled me. It's a madhouse. I don't get it. It's like people enter the grocery store with the intent of winning the Hunger Games. An average trip to the grocery store looks like a post-apocalyptic survival looting to me. Does anyone else feel this way, or am I completely nuts?

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The point is, my girlfriend and I went to a few local supermarkets(using the term pretty loosely here) since my foot incident, and she reminded me of the motorized carts. I was a little hesitant to use one at first, but she convinced me that in my situation it was more than acceptable. And I'm glad she did, because it was so much fucking fun. HOWEVER, what wasn't fun was the fact that people were in absolutely no way accommodating for me and were honestly just down right rude. I would literally get boxed into produce aisles, forced back down other aisles back the way I came after being ignored, and just straight up ran into without any acknowledgement of my existence, either before or after the collision.

Now, I get it. I'm a 25 year, somewhat active looking guy and some people probably thought I was just fucking around, not noticing the wrapped foot. But it made me think, do people treat actually handicapped people with the same disregard in these stores? I was appalled. One woman even felt the need to yell at me trying to drive it back to my crutches, "ya know, someone might actually need that!"

My point is, what happens to people in the grocery store?? Are our survival instincts really that primitive? Do people treat handicapped people with the same disregard I've been getting? One guy literally ran his cart into my broken foot. No apology; just shoveling condiments into a cart.

Death Wish Coffee Co.

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Moving on to something more interesting; or fun, anyway. A few days ago, we were feeling super wealthy (lol) and decided to splurge on a coffee we had been eyeing, Death Wish coffee. Despite our interest since first seeing the brand, the whopping $19.99 / pound made it a tough decision. But we got it. And damn, is this shit good.

At a young age, I was endorsed by a representative by an energy drink company for snowboarding. I'll leave the specifics out of it, because as I've told this story before, some people have thought it was immoral of the representative to give a young kid so much caffeine. This was not the case, however; the endorsement was pretty much a result of relentless begging by myself, and said representative is a wonderful person. The point is, I used to drink about a case of this highly-caffeinated drink a day(not every day), and as a result, I am not affected by caffeine whatsoever.

So, my promotion of Death Wish coffee ends with my love for the label design and the taste. However, as I've heard from just about every one else, this is one of the strongest coffees on the market, and many testify that you only need one 8 oz. cup of it for a full day. I don't feel that, though. I drink coffee for the taste, the habit and the false security that comes from something warm in your hand.

Anyways, I looked into the company, and found out that they are actually really cool! Definitely deserving of some support. So for you coffee fiends out there, go check em out!

Amazon Reviews

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Researching Death Wish Coffee Co., led me to their Amazon reviews page. I really very, very rarely go to Amazon reviews. I'm not much of a review guy in general, I've found I have a rather different taste than most. But, almost every time I find myself on Amazon, it's hilarious. Here are a few reviews from the site:

I blurred out usernames cause I don't really know what the deal with that is. Is that rude? Illegal? Who cares, you can find the reviews pretty easy. Has anyone else discovered this fucking strangely hilarious subculture of Amazon reviews? I first found it a few years ago when my girlfriend bought me a Facebank. For you that don't know what a Facebank is, well, it's one of the weirdest piggy banks you'll ever see.

Below are a few reviews from the Facebank page

edit: When I planned this post out, I had a key player in mind which apparently is no longer on the internet. There was a Face Bank review that presented into an incredibly detailed, long-term plan as to how to scare your children using not only one, but many Face Banks. It's gone. I'm heartbroken. I decided to leave the last bit though, because, well, if you haven't seen a Facebank now you have. Also, I stopped blurring out the usernames because my computer's failing on me and nihilism rules.

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