When you are as young as I am, almost all paths are still open and ahead of you. It means, you have a lot of choices to make. In other words: Welcome to my personal decision-matrix!

Me, shying away from the light

I never really understood why our culture is driven so much by the youth cult. Everything old is out and ignored and if it's just the latest thing from yesterday. Only what is brand new, fashionable and shrill - or supposedly so - can be considered as the next thing to go for. Everyone is chasing this dragon, no one wants to be old news.

It's not that I am a saint in this regard. Long enough my playlist resembled the current pop music charts and my daily TV schedule was the one, everyone who is just remotely connected to the "modern world" was or still is on. And I still go shopping in these notorious sweatshop outlets where I leave way too little money for way too many short-lived accessories. But then again, I am also a woman and young, it's not that hard to tickle my weak spots and outmaneuver my self-control.

My luck was probably to grow up in a household with lots of people who are older than I am and I still have two of my grandparents who are happily married. It's the good old fashioned family structure that keeps me in line - not for me to know what I want, but at least for me to know that I might take a closer look at certain aspects of life. Some of them are actually important enough to have consequences for the rest of my days.

"Pursuit of happiness" - Thank you for that, founding fathers!

Milestones, the thing everybody's life is aligned by

Education is one. Job and income another. Finding Mr Right are chronic one and settling down at one point seems to be an inevitable one. Far far far away in the distance there is even somewhat of a thought about pensions and retirement.

That's about the grand structure of my life, added perhaps only by having children myself and raising them. But not only that, it is pretty much the life template for everyone else as well. Apart from outliers of the get rich or die trying type, a few souls who start searching for sense beyond the materialistic surface and others who just don't have luck and decline too early, we all have more or less the same goals and obstacles ahead. Unless of course you have them already behind you.

Sometimes, this seems like a heavy burden. You have shoes to fill, follow your parents and your pear group, consider what society expects, get your homework done and be open and lucky enough to chase your opportunities while stay true to yourself. And then I still haven't mentioned this strange thing called emotions that need to be aligned with what you do or you might run out of steam long before you know what you want in the first place.

Nonetheless, milestones help a lot. The least they do for you is to make you aware of the fact there might be something coming towards you. It is always better to think about it and come to no conclusion, as that you avoid the topic as a whole, just to get an ugly surprise at the end. At least that's my working theory for the moment.

Plans never work, so you better prepare yourself for that

The most wonderful aspect in planning ahead is that when you manage to stay on schedule, you end up with having plenty of free time at the end. Unfortunately, that is not what you could call as "normal" - at least not in my case. There's always something coming in between and so you have to do extra work or you even have to redo your entire "that's next" and start from scratch again.

Thankfully, that hasn't happened to me yet in a significant way and for the smaller bumps I had so far there was always my family. It's the place where I can cry and seek shelter and help. I honestly pity everyone who doesn't have access to such a personal safety net, it can make the difference. They don't just help you when you are down, but they also give you confidence when you are not even aware of it and they also provide you with chances and hints of how to solve the riddle ahead. I'm very thankful for that.

Still, you do have to do your own planning. Getting your life done while not forgetting to take your laundry out of the washing machine and not getting pregnant by accident while keeping up in class. They say it's getting better over time, but then again "they" are usually retired and enjoy the last part of their life.

Communism: Not the kind of planning I am looking for

Where to go and what to do next?

Currently, I am an undergraduate student and I have about another 18 months ahead until they hopefully hand me out a piece of paper that says I have a degree in business management. Not fancy for sure, but I think it was a good decision and I guess, I will manage to get through the rest of it successfully. (You never know..)

But what then? I could go on studying a bit and extend this peculiar time without space - or perhaps the other way around: This space without a time that college is. It's fun to be a student. You can come and go as pleased. Nobody looks at your credentials and everything is kind of light. A truly beautiful phase in which you can be a adult without having to bear the burdens of being a grown up.

My hunch is that it will wear out at one point. Here and there you can see and hear about the ones who didn't make it. People getting stuck while losing their youth and getting overtaken by the next generation. There's no need to be the last one who leaves the party.

And do I need a higher degree? Not sure. I do already work in an interesting area in my spare time where I could stay after graduation (in the broadest sense business consulting and project management), and I have doubts whether I will ever excel in a way that I would need a higher degree than what I am aiming for right now.

How about the job security? In its nature project management is very steady in its unsteadiness. At one point, I guess I would run my own business, decide over my workload and my income. That can be stressful, you never know when the next job doesn't appear in time. My grandpa told me to consider the military and get skilled and networked and health care for life by serving three years. In his day and age, the military was a great place. Well, Vietnam being the exception, but he managed to stay away from the front lines as a tank instructor and that is what I should do as well: Pick a qualification that doesn't involve shooting.

While not the biggest fan of the military, he does have a point. But then again, will the military be able to keep its promise to veterans for another 60 years? Or at least another 30 until genetics and AI have fixed the human body? Not sure anymore. Times are crazy and my feeling tells me the bigger picture might get worse before it's going to get better again. In bad times, being stuck in such a system and having to fully rely on it can turn into a huge liability.

What is with travelling? "Join the Navy, see the world" is a big promise if you think of it. Getting stationed somewhere overseas can be quite a treat - well, unless it's Kabul or Mogadishu. But then again, you can move around as well as a a civilian, even if it's just the US. Growing up in Colorado and moving to Florida for college was a very good decision I made. I haven't regretted it for a single second despite being so far away from home and next I could go on and try Texas or New England.

So many places, so many choices...

Have I already mentioned it? The clock is ticking..

Its' a bit of a nightmare of mine. I don't want to end up as a 30-something living alone and having superficial affairs while pretending to enjoy life by chasing one distraction after another to avoid having to think about my loneliness. Escapism will never by my thing, or maybe I'm not desperate enough yet to crawl into my niche and close the door behind me.

When I'm done with college, I will be 22. Assuming, I meet Mr Right on graduation day, it will take at least three... more like five years until there is certainty about the us. My guess is that I will be at least 27 when I have my first child.

When thinking about having my own children, it still seems very far away, but then again: Seven years can go by quickly. And with every year more it takes me to finish that deal, my clock will tick louder and louder. Zugzwang, as they say in Germany.

It's no wonder that too many at one point just crawl into their nice, close the door and turn up the music so they can't hear the ticking inside their head.

Here's the good news of the day...

We've talked about it! It's the royal "we" that I am referring to, but of course you are invited to give me your two cents as well. After all, there's a good chance you already know more than I do. Thanks to your mistakes, I might avoid some of mine :-)

Thanks a lot for reading!!

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