You know, you watch the movies about people hitting dead end. And you get this sense of... emotion for them. But at the end of the day you're always able to pull back to reality. At the end of the day, It's not you.

Today, at 6:42 June 12th, I had a phone call from my coach and account manager. They told me that they no longer think that I represent the company and that they will be letting me Go.

Hearing that.. Sent a shockwave through my body, and a chill from my spine. A realization that: My life just got 200% harder.

My rent is being hiked up already, and I'm losing included electricity. I couldn't afford to stay, now I just can't afford it at all.

I worked as a work at home Catering Specialist for Boston Market. I've worked on the program for about... 6 months? Yeah, six months if you include training.

It was a shitty job. Catering Specialist? A glorified name for working as a customer rep... Being a Customer Rep.. Is terrible. You are literally the punching bag of the company. And it's not like these companies care about customers. You have to work up the willpower, day to day, day in day out to care for people who curse at you, scream at you. And endless torrent of angry wailing customers. All ready to peg the blame solely on you.

But I did it. I did it well.

At least, that's what my coach told me when I demanded an explanation from my boot from the program. The truth she told me, was because the program had over hired and they were looking to cut costs on the program. That explains the low hours. I guess. Since I had the highest average handle time of all who were left on the program, the wheel fell on me.

It feels so shitty, to be abused by not only customers but by a giant company who's supposed to care about you.

They don't understand nor care that I'm on the brink of being homeless.

I'm just another digit. Another gear in the Cog. I've been working on their program for 6 months, and a full year on at the on site location.

Sitting in my computer chair, trying to think of what I can do. Fighting this anxiety attack.

What am I going to do, what can I do? I don't know.

One thing I can't do is sit around. I need to jump on something right now. And I'm tired of working for shitty shady 2 bit thug companies. I need to carve my life out of this hole. I'm tired of looking at the horizon for a better future. I'm tired of hearing about promotions and how I'll do better if I just stick around. Like, I'm so sick of putting all my effort into something, and everything just fucking fails.

I have my graphics design to fall back to. To be honest, I didn't really like it you know? Freelance working was tough. And, turning my passion into making money, zapped the passion. And sometimes work was hard to come by.

What they don't tell you, is that to make it big in graphics design you have to reach out and do some serious networking, youtube, twitter, linkedin, blogging. It's not that easy to be freelance designer. Not unless you're up there and well known.

Thanks for reading, I'll give updates.. As soon as I figure out those updates. I'm sorry for the shitpost, my mind is not right at the moment, I'm not thinking correctly on a lot. Typing is pretty much all I have to ward off this impending anxiety attack.

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Update:

I took some time to just sit back and think. I have a history of anxiety problems. So I just sort of stood back to re-evaluate everything. Then, I just opened Illustrator. I didn't do anything with it, just wanted to see what I could come up with. I couldn't come up with anything. I saw a notification on my desktop. Reply from @donkeypong, I thought. So. I thought the name was super interesting. So I just started working on a design. Mid design, I saw this it was actually a donation from @donkeypong. So, I took it from to the next level, and actually really put a bit more effort. So @donkeypong, please message me on steemit chat so I can give you all the files for this design. It's not much, and you may not even find a use for it, but I still would like you to have it as a token of my deep appreciation for your support.

I'll be opening up a steemgigs post. I'll recreate my shattered portfolio. And I'll start doing freelance work. It's going to be hard but I'm going back to design bootcamp in the meantime. And I'll still be doing my logo giveaway.

I'm going to be putting emphasis on producing material that the whole of Steemit can use. Not just a few. I will keep doing my logo giveaways. I have big plans that are going to really help this community out. I'm confident with the support you all are giving me, I will be able to do it.

Thank you to everyone who's been showing this almost blinding support. I sincerly thank you guys.