Just a thought:
The comfort zone of false goals and strategies can be so uncomfortable but you will still hold on to it, just because it’s something you know. Lingering in outlived relationships, friendships that no longer help you grow but put you down, staying in the same city, even when you feel drained and exhausted, fighting fights that no longer serve your dreams. Sometimes the hardest thing is to admit that you have chased a wrong idea, a dream that should’ve transformed a long time ago. We can be stubborn that way. And scared to admit that this was a mistake and I’d rather continue making it.
The truth is the biggest mistake you can ever make is holding on to the fear of making yet another mistake. Heck, you’ll make them anyway, sometimes it’s even out of your control, when you are stressed, tiered or beaten down. A lot of people regress into their child-like strategies and patterns of behavior when they are stressed or post-stress and that’s ok even if the payback is pricey. These strategies helped you to survive a long time ago and are registered in your mind as a way out. As a grown up you can rewrite this, make new experience by making new choices. Sometimes it means to act differently all together, sometimes it’s sticking around when you are scared of committing and you have been running away all your life, sometimes it’s fighting back when you have been oh so accepting and forgiving. Whichever it is you can do it. Trust your gut for starters, ask for support if you still don’t believe in yourself, ask for advice but take it with a grain of salt, everyone is different. We all have our past, dents in confidence, internal arguments. Find that peace with you own self, by making new experience and trusting in yourself over and over again. For now I’m saying good bye to my own comfort zone and starting quite a few things at the same time. If one or all of them will fail its ok- I need new experience and new outcomes. At the same time I am as confidant in my own beliefs as I have never been before. And I believe that anyone can do the same- make a new life after the storm.
Have an amazing day guys.
M
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Hello! Just want to say well done for stepping out of your comfort zone and good luck with everything! I am going through the same thing also, i quit my job as a manager 6 months ago, I am totally out of my comfort zone, don't have a guaranteed income, not sure how i will pay the next months bills but so far i've made it every month. It is so hard to release the fear, i havent fully yet, but i am getting there. Every now and then i hit a wall of doubt and feel like turning back, but i am finding my self again. Remembering all of my ideas and potentials and trying to not be engulfed with fear. I got to a point where i was like i am almost 30, and ive ended up working like an idiot for the last 10 years in jobs that mean nothing to me just to survive. It's weird because some people around me like my dad and older family members especially seem to think i am too old to start finding my own path now. I am like what? I could have another 60-70 years in me! I have loads of time to change things around, because i sure as hell can't do this for another month let alone another 30 or 40 years!
But to anyone considering just trying something else, you have time. And don't be scared. I could have done with a lot more planning, but i ignored my heart for so long i reached breaking point and just had to quit for my sanity. Id been having that pull for a few years however, so if you have it, it won't go away. Listen to it, start making plans, it may take 2 or 3 years but that time will pass anyway, you will reach that point anyway, so you may as well.
I wish you all the best! :)
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Thank you for your support! I hear what you are saying- stepping out of the comfort zone and cancelling out the traditional approach which is holding you back takes a lot of courage!
One thing I have learned is how much anger and jealousy I had to deal with within my own traditional family. That was a bigger struggle rather then living on a budget:)
Good luck to you too! Lets stay in touch:)))
M
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If you're willing to share, what anger and jealousy issues did you experience? and what traditions are your family tied in? I wont be offended if you do not wish to share, i am just interested in what other people are experiencing :)
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Not a problem at all. Ukrainian and russian families, and mine in particular have a firm belief (at least) the traditional ones, that a woman should be married by the age of thirty and preferably with kids, home etc. I'm on the other hand, 35, no kids, changed cities and countries more times then I can count, and changed 3 professions by now. "Awomanmust"- cook, clean, keep everything tidy, etc. So basically I'm a sore thumb in my mothers eyes:) She gave up her own carrier for the family, which I respect deeply, but some how never took the responsibility for this choice. Truth be told I see this situation quite often, when men and women blame others for their own choices instead of enjoying them to the max. Oh well:) Guess it's pretty standard all over the globe?:)
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Ah i feel your pain. Although it is not as deeply ingrained in religious or cultural traditions here, (uk) it is totally that way in the societal complex. I am 30, I do not want to have children, do not want to marry because i think it's just so ridiculous, I have swapped jobs so many times. When i met my boyfriend everybody was saying things like oh so you'll probably settle down now, or now we have been together a few years we get asked when will we have children.
Even since living together, as open minded and awake as he is, all the stereotypical roles of running the house fall on my shoulders, and i really do hate it. But he's better than most, unfortunately we just have to grin and bare it sometimes, but im already starting to feel trapped, not by or with him, i love him dearly, but just by the way of living. I want to explore the world so much more. I will need to spend some time sorting my finances out but i can't see my self staying put and just succumbing to this expected ideal of my self. Im only 30, and bored of it already! haha. Thank you for sharing, i can totally relate to what you are saying. Just keep being awesome! It's been lovely chatting with you.
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It took me a long while to think what to say to you. That feeling of entrapment is the worst, but you do have a right to speak up and say something if you don't like it. Being a victim of your own fear and following the rules, enabling the other person to make their own decision is not a way out. When you love someone you care about them and their feelings, but what about your feelings? And if you'll continue building up the unspoken it will burst at one point or another. Saying things with anger and opening a conversation are two different things. There is always a way to communicate. As for relatives, personally I speak what I think, respectfully but without consideration on their opinion. Heck my own grandma told me- don't get married if you don't want too:) I did fight for my freedom at one point and had to fight for respect, because in here respect for a human doesn't exactly exists, only for your doings, and now I'm just happy as I am, not perfect, with a ton of darkness and past, but happy. Take care and hope you'll find your own path:)
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