Sometimes it takes all you have.

Living in the modern world, filled up with stress, anxiety, depression and a constant reminder that you might have all of the above can be tough. Social media constantly stimulates be better and do more approach, and latest boom in psychiatric openness made it tough for me work wise. Too tough to be honest. There is a iatrogenic effect that each medical student has to go through- feel as if they have each and every disease that they learn about. I have noticed the same tendency with people around me. Majority of people now days spend a ton of time scrolling, searching, reading and getting involved emotionally, without even realizing it, in the trends that social media provides. And guess what, over stimulated brain should finally give in and give up. The clientele that I have now days changed a lot. Not only it's abused women but also people who are burned out from overstimulating themselves with information and scary stories that they have read on social media. It's as if they have lost all the filters and stopped separating the real issues from media booms and trends.
In order to stay sane and at least sometimes happy I had to make changes. Pronto. Last few months I made a little quest for myself. First I've limited my sugar intake. Didn't go cold turkey as I did before, but gradually decreased it to one treat a week. In three weeks I felt way much better. Better sleep was a first hint that I'm on the right path. Then I have noticed that my resilience went up, I was more and more productive, less cravings during hormonal fluctuations, my tendency to snack pretty much disappeared.
Next stage was cutting cords with people who were taking my time in a negative way. This was worse then sugar. Ukrainian tradition basically raises women and men in patriarch mentality which leads to distinctive trait- women must lessen themselves, make themselves smaller, more agreeable, more approachable. In my line of work I have to admit- I do fail in 50 to 55 percent of the time when a woman leaves an abusive home. Primary reason is a financial dependency. It's wired in a brain, a woman needs a man to support her living, and changing this belief is pretty much impossible. Having an understanding that you can depend on someone financially and don't have to fulfill your husbands abusive needs is a revelation for most of them. And it takes a lot out of me, especially when I hear the same beliefs about money equals power abuse from my friends. That was a one of the main reasons I had to say good bye with a heavy heart to a lot of people.
Last change- good bye social media. 15 min a day is all that I can give to insta and facebook, during my second cup of coffee. Guess what, I don't even miss it. This dopamine rush of someones feedback died pretty quickly. In the last few months I have spent more times meeting people then I did in a whole year after my break up. And it felt good, all the emotions, hugs, cute coffee shops, new places, ideas, new arrangements. My stress decreased immensely. And I'm grateful to myself for kicking my butt and making these changes.
I did fall back on writing and posting anything here. Sorry. But at some point I have realized that if I wont make these changes, bit by bit, each day, small and big, I will not crawl out of a constant cycle of work/home, I just don't have enough of energy.
Now, I wont make any promises, nor will I even plan the schedule of posting here, but I know one thing for sure, I'm glad that I took this break. Re-evaluating interest and ability to invest your time can show your time snatchers and can give you a mental capacity to push through certain changes that you might have been scared to make.
I hope you'll have a great day guys.
Huge hug M