Microblog: The poopening

in blog •  7 years ago 

3rd hour of waiting to be called for jury duty. The microblog continues.

I have a crowning poop coming out. I'm still in the yellow though which means I can still pass sgas independently from shitting my pants. The red zone is when you can't tell what's going to come out, aka shartting.

I know a lot of my readers are going to lose respect for me for posting such unprofessional stuff. But this is the hard truth that no one is willing to talk about. Sorry, but I love a good laugh and to make people laugh.

Being in the yellow zone when it comes to holding it in, is a lot like yellow lights in small towns. You never know how long it's going to last, and when you least expect it, it turns red. I don't know how much longer I have before going red, but Ive tried to aid the digestion along through this photo series that I call

The Jury Snacks

First up is the soda machine. You have your common stuff, sprite, coke, Pepsi and ice tea. Nothing special here.

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Next up is the coffee machine. I haven't tried it yet, but I saw some guy walk up to it and smile. He spoke to himself and said "yeaaaaaaa baby". I was glad to see someone find so much joy in the machine. But the moment he pulled out a worn and crumbled $10 bill, my heart sank a bit as I watched him struggle with getting the bill to work. He was devastated and his eyes told all. I think this man might commit murder with out caffeine. Good thing the security guard took away all the weapons from people.

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Next up are the chip machines. Nothing fancy here but the pricing is odd. It reminds me when 25 cent stick gum became 30 cent. Why 85cent for chips?

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There's actually 2 vending machines. The other had more premium snacks. Naturally I tried to be a bit healthier, so I went with some Veggie sticks. Which got stuck...

Nothing little body slam won't fix though.

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That's it. It's now noon, but lunch is from 1 to 2PM. Maybe I'll find a local Starbucks and use their bathroom...

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Breaking for some lunch!

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So. I've had the flu for the last couple days. I'd be really happy with a normal yellow or red event, bowel wise.

You are in the. Black zone.... No movement?! No good! Have you eaten much solid foods? Flu usually comes with sore throat and lost of appetite. Feel better!

Update, I went red suddenly. Thank God the toliets are not that bad. The paper though might take paint off of a car. Damn thing felt like someone put sand in it.

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Oh my God moto.... you drank the coffee didn't you? When in times like this DONT DRINK THE COFFEE!

I did not drink the coffee, and I normally don't drink coffee.. But I did this morning! I forgot that coffee makes you poop. No wonder I had yellow to red situation!