Hurt

The following was written several years ago on 15 mg of Adderall shortly after breaking up with my gf at the time:

The imbalance of humans: nature will pit us against ourselves simply because there are no other threats left, we will need to fight one another to grasp the last resources to consume. We need to be put in check, but it looks as though the future is limitless for us. Is this progress?

Let's take this further. Explore the construct of the universal fabric of woven patterns.

I want you to understand what I see. I want you to know that your hand and my own were never touching. This physical nervous triggering was induced through pure energy. The feeling of safety and contentment that washed over you when I grabbed your hand was the only result. You own this feeling and may release it from its cage whenever you please. It is, in fact, one of the few things in this life you truly do own, if you so please. Paths to evolution require a bridge, you must have existed in a previous state before a change, any change, was made. We would need to transfer the euphoric feeling that is the output of combining the sensation of touch and sensory recognition of environment by pairing the cause with another cause. Transfer through association can bridge you out of many poor habits and depths with enough work and effort. But...you own this feeling and I am an impatient man. I want this feeling now, I don't want to work to get it, I own it, it belongs to me, it is me, I am not separate from this feeling, I am this feeling, I must become it, I will become it, I remember it, I am there, I am euphoric. And at the peak of this alternate universe we STOP and LOOK AROUND for we are now in a lucid dream existing in our conscious mind. We have begun a very real chain reaction in the material world. We have become a euphoria magnet, those who have a severe desire or void for this feeling have a much higher probability of crossing your path. The world will reveal itself as your playground of change. Play with this. Seriously, enjoy it, watch as an objective viewer as the dreams, anxieties, angers and frustrations, joys and successes of those around you change their reality.

We hold the keys to the kingdom.

I am not a slave to my mind; I am in control. Give me what I want, for all joy in the beauty of the tragic nature of our existence and our ultimate fates is no more. The universe has revealed itself and all answers are now reachable through simple meditation. I will waste my gift on petty human pursuits, but fuck it, it's a playground, right? Might as well have some fun before I return to the Earth and the energy which I once transferred to a soul to enlighten the remainder of her experience will never be felt again.