Appreciate

I have a routine every Friday.

Wake up, go to my morning physics class (and understand absolutely nothing), eat lunch at Panera while checking my investments, volunteer at my research lab, then go home.

For the past few weeks, I've been having pretty shitty Fridays, starting with the frustration during physics and being compounded while I eat lunch and check my rapidly dropping coins. This has led to me losing focus for the rest of the day, noticeably in my research lab with me making dumb errors as well as a loss in quality of any work I do that day for my class.

I felt frustrated and upset at myself, and I felt like somehow the world was against me, out to make my life miserable. There wasn't anything for me to appreciate at all.

Well, until last Friday.

I was in my typical routine that day. I had just sat down in Panera after a long frustrating class of physics which I did not understand, looking at coins that were dropping even though they were good quality, feeling frustrated and upset as usual. I bit into my steak and arugula, and immediately became rather upset that they included their horseradish sauce, even though I specifically asked for no sauce. I sipped my juice, noting that it seemed a bit more watered down than usual.

"What another terrible day", I thought to myself.

As I was pouting to myself, an older couple sat down at the table next to me. They looked rather down as well, and I thought to myself, " Man, they must be having a shit day just like me".

They started conversing with each other, and I quickly noticed how wrong I was once I overheard their conversation.

The older man started talking about their daughter, how wonderful she is, and of fond memories he has of her. How she volunteered overseas for children without adequate schooling. How their trip to Arizona and Disneyworld were the best trips he's ever been on. How as a baby she'd always escape the baby pen and play with her older siblings. As I listened on, I could start to see he was choking back tears while speaking.

His wife was trying to console him, but I could tell she was holding back many emotions as well. She told him everything was going to be okay. His next words he told her have stuck with me since.

"I'm afraid if I leave here then I won't ever see her again".

It hit me right then that their daughter was either seriously injured or terminally ill (the Panera I eat at is connected to a hospital). Was it cancer? Or maybe a car accident? Perhaps a heart attack? I don't know, but either way it was bad. They might never see their daughter ever again.

Suddenly, not understanding physics wasn't as upsetting. Losing a few dollars on my investments wasn't as frustrating. A sandwich with a bit of extra sauce and watered down juice wasn't as distressing.

I realized was wrong. I was not having a bad day. I have never had a bad day. The supposed problems I was having were just tiny dots under a microscope compared to theirs. I've never experienced anything that could compare to what they were facing.

I realized that I had so much to appreciate there.

My mother doesn't have cancer. None of my family have been in any serious car accidents. None of my close friends have suffered any serious health concerns like a heart attack. None of anyone that I mentioned has suffered any of the traumas I listed.

I didn't really achieve anything significant that day, but I definitely felt much happier after realizing what I had. The perspective I had where happiness can only come from gaining more was replaced by a perspective where I realized I could be happy by just appreciating what I had.

I didn't really plan on feeling so philosophical today, and I for sure didn't think a simple lunch at Panera would change my entire perspective like that. But it did, and I'm so glad because of it.

I'm still doing terribly in physics, and my coins still aren't doing as well as I would like, and that's okay. My family and friends are healthy and well. I appreciate how things are. I think I'm going to go call my parents now and tell them that.

Oh yeah, and next Friday, I'm definitely ordering the steak and arugula again. With horseradish sauce.

Fei