"Playing my self as Marina a girl trembling with fear of people disowning her she loved"
Never had the chance of doing what my inner-self wanter to do, screaming with agony of being restricted to shells of prejudice. Elusively escaping the shallows of this horror proved to be a nightmare all the time. Couldn't sleep at night with fear of getting dragged to that hell, couldn't stay awake due the fear of happening it sooner or later. It was just my subconscious mind who mortified me every second for not being able to recuperate from this bizarre situation i got myself into.
My father had meetings day and night with the people i used to see in the morgues, my mother was never free from chanting on the bevels of interminable taunts and jaunts with her so called friends. Didn't have a sister to speak my heart out to or brother to keep a hope of protection making it almost futile for me.
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All these days i thought to have a person who'll never scoff me, jeopardise me with the ideas of guile rudeness, always hug me and force me to believe that all this is just a dream and everything is gonna be fine in a cup of comfort midst of this cunning forest of agony. Who'll say no matter what i'm with you, no matter who is against you i'm with you, no matter what are the gritty circumstances i'm with you, no matter how you behave i'm with you, ' i'm with you' was the only phrase i wanter to embrace that time.
It's pretty common to ask for a person who'll always stand by you, isn't it? No! it's not. Nothing is common, if it had been, i also had a father who'd take me to school daily and ask me to kiss him on his cheek in a jocular manner and in return promise to take me to the ice-cream parlour later in the evening. If it had been, i also had a mother who'd make me ready for school daily and wait for me to come home waiting on the dining table filled with emotions of being able to see her daughter again, looks at me with all long while i eat my lunch, feels the pain of my wounds, grab hold of me and hug me tight whenever i'm afraid. But it was all the other way making it nonchalant.
The other day i was sitting on the balcony outside my room and i saw a young lady entering from the doorstep into our strangled house. I was curious to know about the purpose she had entered in the house not even a sweeper would like to get into. She sat in the living room my mother wasn't home was at some party like she always used to do leaving me home alone with thus scuffed fear of loneliness i didn't know what to do. Taking hold over myself i stepped towards her, gathered the courage and asked, "who are you and who do you want to meet?" She looked at me like she knew me for ages. She starred at me for a while and said.....
To be continued.!