I am a self proclaimed empath. You've probably heard the term, but just in case, I will explain.
The google definition is, "a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual," which sums it up nicely. There are different types of empaths, but it all comes down to having the ability to feel what others feel. Some might say this is fake, it's just a label for people who want to feel important. Others consider it a gift a special few are born with, and we are considered 'lightworkers' who are meant to heal the world.
I heard this terms a few years ago and identified with it, but I've mainly kept it to myself. But recently I've been thinking about it a lot, and what it really means. I have no doubt it is real, but is it a choice? Can an empath stop being an empath? Can a non-empath become one? Or better yet, are empaths even real?
Here are my thoughts on the subject.
People are capable of changing, but only if they truly want to. For the most part, empaths don't want to. Even when it gets difficult, I think it's a problem we want to deal with. It's a step up from being apathetic or oblivious to how others feel, and being free to hurt them. We want to be empaths because we believe those who lack empathy are the cause of most of the worlds problems. We might suffer, but in the end it is worth it because it is also something that encourages (even forces) us to help others. It comes down to values. We value empathy, regardless of the cost. As they say, "once you're awake, it's hard to go back to sleep."
Maybe it's not the same for everyone, but this is what I've experienced myself and seen in others. We cling to the label empath and love to connect with others. It's not a trait we dislike or see as a flaw. I can't see an empath lose their connection to others, even if they threaten it from time to time when it feels unbearable. If one is struggling with it, the solution is to get a better handle over it, not to give it up. Setting aside time to recharge and learning to say no will go a long way.
I've also been playing around with the idea that being an empath is a choice. I know people have different opinions on this but I find myself on the fence. As I mentioned, some consider themselves lightworkers, as if they were sent into this world to help people. They see it as their destiny, and what a beautiful concept that is. But I also think that it comes down to our values, and maybe even environment. It's not only empaths who are capable of picking up on other peoples emotions like we do, but they aren't quite tuned into it to the same extent. Still, this means everyone's capable of being an empath, although it's not a path that's easy to take.
Which leads me to the next point, while some of us might have become an empath later in life, it still wasn't a choice - at least not a conscious one. We were forced to take this path, the others closed to us by means of trauma or abuse. It was a coping mechanism in some form. A way to predict what our abuser might do next. A way to understand them. A way to understand ourselves and the world we were raised in. Empathy allowed us to bring meaning to our suffering, and showed us a better way of life than those who hurt us had chosen.
For me there were a few of these factors that made me who I am. I have been highly empathetic and sensitive to what those around me are feeling for as long as I can remember. I've denied it, hidden it, tried to suppress it, and it got me nowhere. As the daughter of a narcissist I do believe I developed my skill - if you can call it that - partly out of necessity, but the potential for it was always there. Once I knew that I was an empath, I learned how to manage it better. Even if I hid it from others, I permitted myself to feel what I needed to feel when I found myself alone. I learned how to identify emotions that were not my own, and after that, how to let go of them before they could become destructive. I also let go of the guilt that comes along with self care, after all, I have to help myself before I can help others.
In this sense, I do believe I made decisions. I chose to embrace my empathetic side. I did this because I valued the ability to understand others, and I knew it would make me a better person.
I'm an empath, whether that's by choice or by fate.
