When will I grow up?

I had a course starting with a new client and everything went well as it normally does. After however, I go an email from the HR manager thanking me and commenting that she thinks that, "they won't be afraid of me anymore."

Were they afraid before the class?

Something I forget is that, I am getting old and my clients seem to be getting younger. When I started training I was 23, that is coming up to half a lifetime ago. There are a few more wrinkles, aches and pains and now, a little bit of grey in my beard.... and, I have a beard. I look a lot like my father did when he was around my age. But, I don't feel so old.

Part of the reason my clients were scared is something I face often in Finland, they had to speak English and even though they were all decent speakers and professionals, they know it it puts them at a disadvantage. Although, it is that disadvantaged position I am am helping them to overcome in various ways as Finns operating in a global environment face several challenges.

One thing that came up today (being the first class) was my background. After a few minutes in, I was asked where I was from. I am Australian but in classes at least, my accent is not very pronounced. Before answering, I put them into an uncomfortable position, I asked them where they thought I was from. From experience, I knew this would be difficult for them to approach and, I knew none would want to attempt an answer due to adherence to political correctness.

I left the question open just a little bit longer with some silence before asking another, Have they ever made a judgement on someone and later found out they were wrong? Of course, they have and we spoke a little bit about how most of our judgments in life go without confirmation to their correctness which means, we feel we are better judges than we have evidence of as when we judge in the moment, we think we judge well.

We see people walk down the street and make a call on what they wear, how they walk, their hair or who they are with and they walk past and, we think we are correct in our assessments without ever knowing the truth.

So after this, I went back to my background and told them I was Australian and about my father being Indian background. One said, that explains it, normally Australians are blonde surfer types.... How many Australians had they met? This is a judgement that I have come across many times before but, find it interesting. Even after they know I am Australian, the stereotypes they have learned from the media overpower their reality.

I find it interesting as this little discussion should essentially make them think that every time they see someone that looks like me, they should consider they could be an Australian, but it won't. We run our programmed judgement heuristics and dismiss outlier events that don't gel with our assumptions, which is essentially anything that challenges us, confirms we are wrong.

This happens in many ways of course and not just with our evaluations on people.

It is the same when I look in the mirror. The confirmation is there, the grey, the lines, the age but, I don't feel that old. We seem to over-weigh our feelings and under value the environmental feedback. I don't feel old, so I am not in my head although, the way people interact with me shows that they clearly think I am old enough.

Damn it. I don't wanna grow up. Luckily, I can trust my feelings.....

Taraz
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